Interviewer: Who are you?

Chris: We are the band (he uses the German word “Musikkapelle”, which normally is used for brass bands) of the lost Lord (a picture from the movie “Little Lord Fauntleroy” shows up), and I am Mister Harms, and I stand in front and sing.

Pi: I am Mister Stoffers, with the first name Pi, and I play guitar.

Gared: Then I’m possibly Mister Heinemann and I play keyboards.

Nik: “Kahl” is my name, I drum.

Class: I actually have nothing to do with the music, I play bass.

THE EUROVISION JOB INTERVIEW

Interviewer: And you want to compete for Germany in the ESC?

Chris: Yes, since the beginning of times we have been big fans of the eurovisional singing contest (he really says it like this!) , and we wanted to try it this time, and since I of course can not do a show just by myself – which I would have preferred to do of course, as a horribly arrogant singer – I unfortunately have to bring along my accompanying band (calling them “Kapelle” again)

Interviewer: What is your song title?

Chris: Our song is called “Blood and Glitter” (He says it in German). Because of a better international marketing aspect we have decided to perform it in english, so it is “Blood and Glitter” then - not “Blöd” (stupid) – attention! “BLOOD and Glitter”. And it is about… blood and glitter. In a metaphorical sense though.

Interviewer: how often did you apply for the ESC so far?

Chris: In fact, that's actually the - I know we've been suggested more than once before – but really actively this is the second application for the ESC.

Interviewer: What is your favourite food?

Nik: Everything except for flowers and brussels sprouts (in German “Cauliflower” is Blumenkohl, “Brussels sprouts” are Rosenkohl, Nik here combines these words, so it sounds like he says flowers and brussels sprouts, when he actually means cauliflower and brussels sprouts).

I mean, Cauliflower. I don’t like flowers all that much either, but – cauliflower and brussels sprouts are not really my thing.

Chris: I’m pretty international about this, I really like to eat Sushi.

Pi: My “friend” is pizza. Neapolitan pizza, to be precise.

Gared: Italian food always works out.

Class: I eat everything.

Chris: Boys, we need to collect some bonus points here! Besides that, the food in the NDR (Northern German TV station, who provides these preliminaries) canteen is the tastiest!

Pi: I have been there yesterday.

Class: (shows thumbs up)

Others: oh yeah, right, yeah!

Interviewer: Please show me, with which dance move you want to impress Europe in your performance!

Class: (moves)

Chris: I am very good at Cha Cha Cha

Nik: This one (flips his drum stick)

Class: I can do the foxtrot

Chris: Right now my legs aren’t visible, so you just have to imagine me doing that now – but I can try to pull a suitable facial expression, like - ----

Gared: I think I am very good at looking very awkward while playing keyboard – that’s my dance move. 

Chris: I can confirm that. He always looks a bit as if he was ironing.

Interviewer: What is your life motto?

Chris: Do it now. In German: do it now. There are so many things one can do – which could be done immediately, but you say, I can do it in an hour, or in half an hour, or tomorrow, and there’s also things that need to be postponed, as it really isn’t feasible because there’s not enough time for it, but if it’s possible – DO IT NOW!

Class: I always say: There’s nothing good happening, unless you do it!

Nik: I like, “Do as you would be done by”

Chris: If we name all these life motti … what’s the plural of “motto”, by the way?

Pi: moths!  (in German: Motten)

Chris: oooh, that’s why we are a Gothic band, because - life moths. We are said to be a Gothic band, but if we take part in the ESC preliminary, we probably won’t be accepted in the Gothic scene any more, which is ok, so we are life moths.

Pi: Yeah.

Gared: That means, as a result of this our street credibility is affected?

Pi: How can it be affected even more?

Chris: No, it changes. There’ll be different people in the streets, who suddenly find you cool.

Interviewer: A little role play follows. I'll insert two possible voting results and you are supposed to react to them.

(Clip says, “Germany twelve points”)

Pi: okay… Chris goes…

Chris: I fainted from excitement!

Pi: I see. I screamed really loudly and short, to see… to still be able to notice things.

Interviewer: Now comes the second clip.

(Clip says, “Germany zero points”)

Pi: Well, not worse than before.

Chris: Germany stands for consistency.

Interviewer: What are your strengths, what are your flaws?

Chris: I am a generalist, which means, I can do a lot of things -a bit. That’s my superpower, and if you can do a lot of things a bit, you can manage a lot, and my flaw is, that there’s nothing that I’m really good at. I’m not a specialist.

Class: I think, my strength is that I get on well with people, my weakness is that I get on too well with people, so I am stuck in for too long and can’t get away.

Interviewer: Which rank do you want to reach in the ESC?

Pi: First!

Gared First.

Nik: Ideally I’d say, number one, but I’d be satisfied with everything else as well, but it does not necessarily have to be the last one. But even if… pfff. Being there is everything.

Class: Being there is everything.  

Chris: I see it that way: of course you somehow want to do it all and you aim at it, but knowing that there’s such a huge amount of incredibly good artists in the world, I have to admit that for as outsiders in the more pop dominated ESC world already the preliminary is a win, already the participation there is. I’ll be really happy about whatever it will be, and I’m totally honest about this.

Class: We won’t give up before trying to hit the number one though

Interviewer: how do you deal with criticism?

Nik: We accept constructive criticism, hate gets printed on T-Shirts.

Chris: There’s people, where it’s totally important for me to get their criticism, and there’s people, that you totally love, but where you know, their criticism doesn’t really count, as for example the parents – they are totally happy about everything you do, but you can’t expect e.g. your parents to tell you, “hey, from an analytical point of view this was not good!”

Interviewer: Which country will definitely give you 12 points?

Class: Germany

Chris: Finland

Gared: Most likely Finland, I would have said that, too.

Interviewer: Which country do you want to get 12 points from?

Nik: All of them

Gared: Finland.

Chris: To WANT that sounds pretty arrogant, I’d rather put it as “I’d dream about it.”  

Interviewer: Which country do you not begrudge the ESC victory at all?

Chris: I do not want to tell that.

Nik: No

Chris: The question is not fair. It’s not about the country anyway, but about the artists, the country actually doesn’t matter at all.

Interviewer: What do you like about the ESC fans?

Chris: Is it even possible to generalize the ESC fans? It’s millions of people in the whole world, and all of them are different, right?

Class: I like them, because they are watching it.

Nik: I believe that someone, who deals with the subject of ESC and who also watches it all, is definitely culturally open, I would say.

Class: Good point!

Pi: I would say that, too.

Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in ten years?

Class: Not here anymore, as I’ll move out soon.

Gared: I see ourselves in ten years doing our eleventh or twelveth ESC-application.

Chris: Each big band has their “India-Phase” at some point, and some band members quit then, they get totally weird …

Gared: and someone gets some kind of “Yoko Ono” to their side,

Chris: exactly! And that’s what we’ll do in ten years.

Nik: I put it in the calendar already.

Gared: Oh damn, I’m not available on that date in ten years.

Pi: Let’s take eleven then, then it works out.

Gared: okay.

Interviewer: If you were an animal, what would you be?

Gared: cat.

Chris: chameleon.

Class: crocodile.

Pi: Orang utan

Nik: sloth. Oooonnnnne ----twooyaaaawwwwnnn

Interviewer: What is your salary expectation?

Chris: Let’s put it that way: with 300.000 a year you can make ends meet in St. Pauli

Class: That depends on your addiction: gambling, sex,

Chris: Nothing. Nothing. It’s for free.

Gared: paying rent… paying rent and filling the fridge, that’s my addiction.

Interviewer: If you don’t win the preliminary, what will you be doing with your newly won spare-time in May?

Nik: we simply prepare for the tour with Iron Maiden

Chris: I must honestly admit that I work with reversed psychology here, I have already booked a hotel room at the Baltic Sea for the time when the ESC takes place in Liverpool, simply because I think we’re not going to make it anyway, and being there is everything, and in case it’s different, I can still cancel that reservation.

Interviewer: Is there something that you necessarily have to take with you to the ESC, a lucky charm or something?

Chris: What we definitely necessarily have to bring with us is Make Up and cool outfits, as the visuals simply belong to the band. The way we are here right now, in sweaters and – without pants -  that’s stupid for the stage.

Interviewer: Any more questions?

Pi: What will you be doing tomorrow?

Gared: Have we got the job?

Chris: When are we supposed to start?

Translation: Margit Güttersberger, Jari Witt