Interviewer: How does it feel to be in the same league as international legends like Michael Jackson, Freddie Mercury and DJ Bobo? 

Gared: Well---you should ask them, how it feels to be in the same league as me… because… who are they after all? Just ask them… well, ok, it might turn out a bit difficult to ask Michael Jackson …but I think they might be fine mentioned in the same sentence with me. DJ Bobo most likely will. And who was the third one? Freddie Mercury? Never heard of him. Don’t know him. 

Interviewer: He really isn’t as well-known as you. 

 

Interviewer: How’s the tour going so far? According to plan? 

Gared: Really cool, it’s fun; I think it has been almost a year since our last headlining-tour, so it’s really big fun; it’s also big fun with Scarlet Dorn. I have two jobs each night here, to play the piano for Scarlet Dorn and to pretend to play keyboards in Lord of the Lost. It’s quite busy in a way because of the double job situation, but in a very pleasant way. The boys from Aeverium are cool, the fans are having fun, as far as I can tell. Really cool!

 

Interviewer: Do you already have a coolest/nicest/best memory from this tour? 

Gared: Yes-  this very moment. I’m sitting next to a unicorn. You really dressed up nicely and these wrestler’s boots are quite decorative to complete the outfit. I unfortunately left my unicorn-onesie at home. Back to your question… it would not be fair to pick out just one memory, I don’t really like to name “favourite show”, “favourite tour” “favourite song” etc. as in their way each of those has their own charms and special situations.

 

Interviewer: You have been working with Scarlet Dorn for quite a while already and kind of gave her many opportunities, maybe also taught her things …can it be put that way?

Gared: Well, we – actually Chris and Benny- gave her the opportunity to present the talent that she already has. We sort of gave her a stage. That’s a lot already and it is cool to see it come to life, to see how Chris’ discovery grows to become a full construction, an album which is nearing completion (*turns to Class*: “correct me if I’m wrong – is it finished yet? No…”) and to get that on stage then …this is really cool. 

 

Interviewer: Did you also learn something from her in return; was she also able to help you in a way?

Gared: Not really. Because all of this doesn’t really give me anything anymore *laughs*

I can only speak for myself here – for me it is an opportunity to only be the pianist on stage. There I can sit, which is nice. It’s a more relaxed kind of show, to just sit at the piano and play nice music.  Of course this is also because of the songs and how we perform them live; she pleases us with her sheer presence and her beautiful character. 

 

Interviewer: How is your unicorn doing?

Gared: Which one? I have many. It’s hard to believe, but I get an average of at least two fan gifts that in one or the other way have something to do with unicorns. Just yesterday I got another one. Last week I got unicorn wine gums. 

 

Interviewer: Could it be that you somehow let yourself in for that? 

Gared: yes of course – that’s that phenomenon, you just once have to mention publicly that you are a fan of something, like e.g. Class with Star Wars, or with me it’s Dr. Who and that unicorn trash…

 

Interviewer: Who is your favourite Doctor? (From Dr. Who)

Gared: Interesting interim question, glad you asked! I cannot really decide between Matt Smith and David Tennant. With David Tennant I sort of grew into the story, but each of them has their highlights. Totally crazy, in totally different ways. Ehm… meanwhile I forgot the original question …but never mind, we’ll just go on! 

 

Interviewer: What does your personal “perfect day” look like? You can choose yourself, if we’re talking about a day off, a day on tour or at home… just “your perfect day”.

Gared: To wake up after full 8 hours of sleep would be nice, then to get up, whatever time of the day it might be then (depends on when you went to sleep, right?). I’m a big friend of a relaxed and more or less comprehensive breakfast. I really take a full hour of time for breakfast, including preparation… just to have a relaxed way to start the day and then well-fed go on. That’s my start to a perfect day, which I consider really important. A day is a perfect day for me, when in the evening I can look back and say, “This day has not passed by unused” and I’m satisfied and can go to sleep with a good conscience. Not with a feeling like “Actually I should have done this and that and I also wanted to do… which I completely forgot (or didn’t manage to do). “ That’s it. Of course this can vary. Maybe it was a productive day with the band, could be that I cleaned the whole apartment because I like it to be nice and tidy, I just need the feeling that I did something useful. 

 

Interviewer: How do you imagine your life as a really, really old man? When you’re that old, that you can’t go on stage anymore?

Gared: I hope that I do not live to see the day, when I am too old to go on stage. As strange as it may sound, I’d really like to be on stage until I drop dead…on stage. Ok, maybe that would be a bit awkward for the other people there, if I did an exitus on stage, but on my behalf – till the very last second. Considering that, I don’t imagine myself as an old man who isn’t able to go on stage any more. Even if they need to push me there in my wheelchair, I don’t mind. That’s how I imagine it now. I hope that I will stick to that way of thinking until then.

 

Interviewer: Do you like “either-or”- questions?

Gared: Depends. Either……. Yes. 

 

Interviewer: Then please answer as fast and instinctive as possible. 

 

Q: “The Famous Five” or “The Three Investigators”?

A: Neither nor. Is that a possible answer, too? I liked TKKG (a German junior detective series).

 

Q: Lord of the Rings or Star Wars?

A: Star Wars.

 

Q: Musical or theatre?

A: Theatre.

 

Q: Fruit or vegetables?

A: Vegetables.

 

Q: Beer or wine? 

A: Right now: beer.

 

Q: Summer or winter?

A: Winter.

 

Q: Book or movie?

A: Movie.

 

Q: Sweet or salty?

A: Salty.

 

Q: Day or night?

A: ehm… late afternoon? …well, I like evening and night, that’s relaxing.

 

Q: Double chin or beer belly?

A: Both *touches his chin and gives his belly a sad look* you hit a sore spot there! Is the question, which I’d prefer to have? Like, which is the lesser evil?

Interviewer: Yes. 

A: Beer belly. You can get rid of that by exercising, while it’s really hard to get rid of a double chin. 

 

Q: Monopoly or chess? 

A: Monopoly. I don’t play chess. 

 

Q: Car or plane?

A: I own neither of those. But a car is nice. 

 

Q: Starve or die of thirst?

A: WHAT???  - starve… I think. Or… no, die of thirst. I decide for “die of thirst”. I generally don’t drink enough, so chances are bigger that I die of thirst. 

Interviewer: That you are more likely to die of thirst or that you’d prefer to die of thirst? 

A: Why the heck should I PREFER to die of thirst than starve?!  - I reject this question! 

 

Interviewer: On which tour or which concert... *Gared interrupts her*

Gared: Are you in the mood to play Twister, that game’s lying around here…or build something from Lego?

 

Interviewer: I like Twister more...

Gared: We can play that later on… but naked..!

 

Interviewer: Cool!  - so…on which tour or to which concert of another band would you like to go, if you could travel back in time? 

Gared: You’re starting to get undressed for our twister game already?! I’m not the biggest fan of music from past decades, but to see Pink Floyd in the original cast would be cool. 

 

Interviewer: Do you have a country where you’d love to play, that you have not played yet? Or a country that you have already performed in and would love to go to again, because it was so great to play there?

Gared: Actually I’d love to go back to the US; the tour back in 2014 was such a funny kind of road-trip adventure. It would be great to do that again. But- we’ve been there already. Thinking of where I have not been yet… why not Australia? Despite the fact that there the whole fauna is planning to kill you… but … who cares? Why not Australia.

 

Interviewer: Do you have a favourite flavour?

Gared: *holds up his beer bottle* Beer! 

 

Interviewer: No, I want to know, because I brought along something nice for us..! 

Gared: Oh you brought me something nice?!   

 

Interviewer: No. Something for US! Which we are going to do now. This is why I am asking if you have a favourite flavour.  

Gared: So, my favourite flavour is the genitals of a woman.

 

Interviewer: No, honestly my roommate gave me a nice game. 

Gared: Oh, who is your roommate? Do I know her? Is she a fan of us, too? What’s that game about? Oh, jellybeans!  

 

Interviewer: There’s only a few colours there, but from each colour there are tasty ones and untasty ones. 

Gared: They also made one, if I recall right, which tasted like vomit. That one still exists?! *reads the package* It is simply called “coconut” here, right? So there’s flavours like “rotten egg”, “vomit”, “booger” … Oh God... 

 

Interviewer: “stinky socks”…. You have to spin this wheel here… 

Gared: Is there any other untasty flavour? Ugh... “toothpaste”… What should I do?

 

Interviewer: You have to spin this wheel – then you get the colour you need to try. And either you get a tasty or an untasty one. 

Gared: It’s kind of orange. Will either taste like vomit or like peach. 

 

Interviewer: Good luck!

Gared: I’m afraid …. *smells the jellybean he picked, then carefully eats it*… hmmm, could be either of those?! …. Ewwwww, it’s vomit! *drinks some beer, then wonders on*.. on the other hand, it’s a bit sweet also, could also be peach maybe? It’s been a long time since I tasted vomit! 

It’s your turn now. Which varieties have you got? Either tutti frutti or stinky socks! Hmm, I never sucked on stinky socks, so I don’t have an idea what these might taste like!

 

Interviewer: I got tutti frutti!

Gared: Lucky you, I’ve got some nasty vomit taste in my mouth still.  A cool idea, which did not turn out so nice for me in the end. 

 

Interviewer: I have another question, I’m not sure if I should ask you this…it’s from my roommate, the one who also gave me that game (Thanks to Kati). Once more, that question is NOT FROM ME: Did you already have a “Lucky Shit” today?

Gared: No.

 

Interviewer: Do you know what’s called a “Lucky Shit”? I can explain, if you want?

A: Yes please, enlighten me!

 

Interviewer: A lucky shit is, when you poop and wipe and no marks remain on the toilet paper.

A: Aaaaah! Smoothly shitted then. Well, no, I did not have that today yet. Actually I did not poop at all today yet. 

 

Interviewer: Good to know! 

Gared: Becoming aware now that it might become necessary at some point. But thanks to Kati for this incredibly revealing question …or answer option… 

 

Interviewer: I’ll tell her... or she’ll watch it.

Gared: Why is she not here today?

 

Interviewer: She doesn’t really like you.

Gared: And then she asks me such things?! Pffff… Women…

 

Q: Deciduous or conifer?

A: Both unhandy. Conifer... it’s Nordic. I like that. 

 

Interviewer: It’s commonly known that you have perfect pitch. 

Gared: WHAT? – Yes, I actually have this God-given perfect pitch.

 

Interviewer: Did you have it by birth?

Gared: Yes, otherwise it would not be perfect pitch. If it is kind of trained, it’s called “relative pitch” – in which case you still need a reference tone to determine everything else. Perfect pitch works by birth, as long as it gets noticed and supported. You just give me a musical note and I can tell you which one it is. Ironically many more people are born with perfect pitch then gets noticed and used. The ability gets lost in the first few years of life, if it doesn’t get noticed. It needs to be trained. 

 

Interviewer: Is there an album from another band, which you wish you’d have composed it yourself or been part of the composing process, because you like it so much? 

Gared: There’s indeed a few. First one to come to my mind is “In Absentia” by Porcupine Tree, which is pretty much my "All-Time-favourite" album. If I were born a songwriter, I would have wanted to be a part of the songwriting for that album. 

 

Well, that was it for today, many thanks to Jaz Dirge – is that really your last name?

 

Interviewer: No. 

Gared: Mine neither. Funny. Is Jaz your real first name?

Interviewer: No. 

Gared: Mine neither.

 

Many thanks, unicorn! Bye, see you later! 

 

 

Translation: Margit Güttersberger

Proofreading: Sandy Bollig