Interviewer: Nadja Olson

 

[0:00]

Gared: Mrs. Olson. Nadia. May I say Nadia?

Nadja: No..

Camera man: You're too fast.

Nadja: ..you may not.

Gared: Okay.

Nadja: Okay, first thing: why are you actually so unbelievably "geil", Gared Dirge?

(The word "geil" can be translated as "awesome" or "sexy". Another meaning that definitely doesn't apply here is "horny".)

Gared: Uh...well...

 

(Intro)

 

Nadja: Now I wanna know...

Gared: I sort of grew into that, into that "being geil". I totally wasn't expecting that question, but I hadn't actually thought about it.

Nadja: There you see..

Gared: I don't have that opinion. I am known to be an anti-exaggerater...

Nadja: Exactly!

Gared: I'll take it as a compliment, and I can't really answer the question why I am so geil.

Nadja: Okay.

Gared: But I acknowledge it.

Nadja: That's okay. Good.

Gared: (points at guy on vehicle) We're being overtaken.

Nadja: I want one too.

 

[1:09]

Gared: (apparently just talking gibberish wanna-be-latin to sound smart) First the uterus needs to be dehomoge...

Nadja: ...homogenized

Gared: ...homogenous terminology...pulverized.

Nadja: Exactly. Next, the question --which artists probably like to hear too-- give me five words that come to your mind regarding Lord of the Lost.

Gared: Lord of the Lost band.

Nadja: Okay. Thank you.

Gared: No...aw that's...Metal. But that's kind of obvious. (Looks at Camera) Oh now we're in profile.

Nadja: Sexy.

Gared: Sexy, true. Sexy, definitely. Um, lovingly disturbed. Are those two words? Yes. I think "lovingly disturbed" counts as two words...and...shockingly musical. Sorry, those were six words now.

Nadja: That happens. Keyboarders just can't count.

(Gared counts on his fingers)

Camera man: What comes after three?

 

[2:16]

Nadja: Seven.

Gared: Seven, yes. By the way, this is the Beatles Square. The Rolling Stones already stood here.

Nadja: You can stop playing the smart alec here.

Gared: Oh.

Nadja: Speaking of describing: Don't describe yourself, describe the opposite-Gared.

Gared: The opposite-Gared? The oppposite-Gared is.. very open towards people...can write songs from scratch, which I unfortunately can't, I'm not the songwriter type. I just like to add my part...and can play only one instrument.

Nadja: Okay. Thanks

Gared: Or none. I guess that would be more...

Nadja: Rather none.

Gared: Minus one.

 

[3:15]

Nadja: So you obviously turned blond now. That was the first step, probably. As we know you're turning twelve next year.

Gared: (laugh) how do you know that?

Nadja: ...what will await us?

Gared: That I have only one year left till I'm officially considered a teenager. And, well, a new colour every year. So I'd say, I'll try...

Both: Green.

Gared: Yeah. Aha, you also thought of green?

Nadja: Of course.

Gared: Why?

Nadja: Just cause.

Gared: Okay. Why?

Nadja: Just cause.

Gared: Did we plan this in advance?

Nadja: Yes.

Gared: No. Green.

Nadja: Yes. Exactly.

 

[3:54]

Nadja: Speaking of planned in advance...nah. We heard you recorded something for Erdling?

Gared: Si.

Nadja: The piano-version of "Firmament".

Gared: Si.

Nadja: Are there any other projects outside the band that you're allowed to reveal?

Gared: Uh, yeah. There's Gared Dirge and Friends...

Nadja: Yeah, your solo project.

Gared: ...not. And that won't exist cause I just don't have any friends. Oh look who's there.

 

[4:22]

Chris: Excuse me...how do I get to Herbert street?

(Nadja points)

Gared: (bends his butt) That way.

Chris: Herbert street? That way?

Nadja: Yes. But walk backwards.

Chris: For the guitarist of Filter, he wanted to go to a prostitute. Thanks.

Gared: Welcome. But women aren't allowed in there.

Nadja: So you neither.

Gared: Correct. What was the question again?

Nadja: Projects outside the band.

 

[4:40]

Gared: That's right. Gared dirge and friends...not. No, of course not....No, honestly not. To answer the question honestly, I don't have any firm side project where I'm really actively part of a band, official member etc, but.. Apart from Lord of the Lost occasionally contributions as a musician, mainly keyboarder, or producer tasks... but a fixed member in a side project or something on my own, solo project, no.

Nadja: Now about the new album. You're probably not allowed to say that much about it yet either. But, specifically concerning your new instrument, the theremin.

Gared: Yes.

Nadja: Whose idea was it? What will be its rough function on the album?

Gared: The idea was from...I think it was the much-loved Chris Harms again...I think it was Chris who arrived with that at one point and said: "Look, I bought this. Wouldn't you like to learn this?" and puts it into my hands "I could very well imagine this on the new album, as a new sound element, and sort of a replacement or alternative to the whole usual lead guitars you usually do, that is, melody guitars, not rhythm, but melody, like blulululu, which Tobias Mertens likes to play really fast. 

Nadja: Publicity.

Gared: Exactly. And that was the basic idea, that we use the theremin as a melody or lead instrument. He put it into my hands and said: "Go ahead. You're always in the mood for stuff like that." And he was right! I was in the mood for it, I did study it, and I brilliantly got it going. Ha!

Nadja: Aha. Gared Dirge.

Gared: Yeah. As he lives and...so on.

 

[6:20]

Nadja: And while we're on that topic: the style of the new album is something different than usual. That is of course nothing new for you, that you guys like to try out a little...

Gared: Mm-hmm.

Nadja: But for you personally...

Gared: (laugh) We just try out a little. But we don't want to pin it down. Actually we ourselves don't really know where we wanna go.

Nadja: ...for you personally...(laugh) Outtakes!

Gared: No way. You know how it is: TV of the Lost and other things connected of it actually consist of what other bands would make outtakes.

Nadja: Exactly. Okay, back to the question, Mr. Dirge! Concentration please! Does it fit you personally? The new style?

Gared: The new style?

Nadja: Yeah.

Gared: Yeah. A lot, actually, uh...man is it hot, my sweat is running down. I just had to say that.

Nadja: It's because of me.

Gared: Yeah...(to the camera man) I know why we keep getting more and more quiet: cause you keep moving away from us.

Camera man: Well I want to bring little...

Gared: Panorama

Camera man: ...atmosphere into the affair.

 

[7:20]

Gared: Okay.

Nadja: It's in 3D.

Gared: It does in fact fit very well to me...or on me or for me or whatever, because on this album especially we by and by dared more stuff musically, moved into more progressive realms, more complex songs. Of course also the beloved singles and the typical process people know. But especially on CD 2...hint hint, it will be a double album...we break out and really move more into progressive stuff, also with more complex instrument arrangements...

Nadja: Can you do that?

Gared: What?

Nadja: Can you do that?

Gared: Yes.

Nadja: That's good to know.

Gared: And since I'm also quite a fan of more complex more thought-out music, that quite agrees with me.

 

[8:14]

Nadja: And the name…I hope I'm pronouncing it correctly: Empyrean?

Gared: Empyrean. You got it. You (polite form)! Well, you (informal form). (In German there is a polite form and an impolite form of the word "you", depending on wether you're on a first of last name basis with someone. Gared mixes them around like he doesn't know which one to use, probably continuing the joke where she said in the beginning that he's not allowed to call her by her first name.)

Nadja: You (unnecessarily using polite form) can say you (informal). (Kind of like saying "Mr. Dirge, you may call me Nadja")

Gared: (mocking it in English where it makes no sense) You can say "you" to me.

 

[8:25]

Nadja: Yes. Um...what does that word mean to you?

Gared: To me, or...?

Nadja: To you personally

Gared: Um.. I am of course not completely unbiased since I know...well, at least know the basics of...what Empyrean actually means and represents. So therefore it actually means to me the same thing as what it actually is by definition: A haven, that is, where we all end up eventually, when we reach that "highest level of heaven" which consists only of fire. A haven. And a...refuge, in the end. Where, after everything else has broken apart, or you've in some way given up your earthly form, everything is well, till all eternity, and all nice. That is the quintessence, very rough. You can also read that in the Sonic Seducer (laugh)....

Nadja: Very nice…

Gared: Issue...the one with us on the cover.

Nadja: We don't have any covered advertising in this episode at all.

Gared: No, and I definitely won't add links in subtitles when I edit the episode.

Nadja: No way.

Gared: I won't do it at all. Chris will.

Nadja: Oh? In that case, I guess he will.

Gared: I don't feel cool anymore now, it's getting too bright. (Puts on shades)

 

[9:39]

Camera man: We can also walk back down the street.

Gared: Do we have to walk backwards now?

Camera man: (laugh) Yes.

Nadja: Okay, then we'll walk backwards...(laugh)

Gared: Well Nadja. Are we gonna manage to do this seriously for once?

Nadja: No.

Gared: Thank you.

Nadja: Um...

Camera man: Faster.

Gared: Oh.

Nadja: So I asked you about projects outside the band before, and you answered that you like to have guest appearances.

Gared: Yes.

Nadja: How do you find musicians that fit you? That match your style, your…

Gared: (laugh) I find them crap.

Nadja: Sure, so do I, but...

Gared: Um..how I find them is...watch out, there's a slope coming up behind us. I "like" it...not at all. (A Pun. In German, the words "slope" and "like" sound similar.)

Gared: (points at street) Let's go through there, that's also quite pretty.

Nadja: Very, especially during the day.

Gared: How I find them: they are always chance meetings. When I made guest appearance with Coppelius, I think, one year ago, that was right on my birthday last year. I performed one song with Coppelius. That happened by coincidence, that I met Caspar, on the Rock Talk much longer ago. And we noticed that musically, by our "approach", our theoretical knowledge, we were very much on the same wavelength. That was one of those coincidences. They're really actually coincidences. We are moving in a profession where you have a lot of contacts, networking. So you see each other. We see a lot of bands during festivals, or we go on tours with bands. That creates contacts. Then you like to get back to each other, so that then in the end someone like Chris Pohl came to me, with whom we'd already shared various festivals, and asked me if for 4 dates I could replace their beloved keyboarder Conrad.

 

[11:33]

Nadja: I didn't even notice. (?)

Gared: Not?

Nadja: No.

Gared: It's just these coincidenses and these networking connections. I'm not the kind of guy who writes an advertisement and says "Hey I totally feel like rocking. I'll play the "table buzzer" (keyboard)" 

Nadja: Really not? Tinder or something?

Gared: ...and then I advertise that on Tinder or in Roxbox or whatever it's called..."I totally feel like rocking and I also have a Casio keyboard. And I can bring that with you to your band room, cause I don't have one of my own cause I still live with my parents." I don't do that. But I totally feel like rocking city festivals.

Nadja: Sure, who doesn't?

Gared: So that's not really my approach, and never was. But somehow it always worked anyway. Miraculously.

Nadja: Beautiful word.

Gared: Is that already in the terminology? (since he used the English word)

Nadja: Yes. No.

Gared: No, it's a foreign word.

Nadja: Yeah.

Gared: How are we doing so far?

Nadja: Okay, but…

 

[12:25]

Gared: ...with the Uterus or whatever it is?

Nadja: Yes, it's right like this. Then I'll start: This fits well to another question I wanted to ask: how did the Mega-Constellation get formed?

Gared: The Mega-Constellation? You mean the assembly of the band?

Nadja: Exactly. I mean, you already had dealings with Combichrist. But for example Filter: I noticed a lot of fans practically don't know Filter at all.

Gared: I have to confess to my shame, until then I also hadn't known Filter.

 

[12:56]

Nadja: Golly

Gared: I think I can confess that without someone throwing a club between my legs...(Nadja looks down) Stop that ma'am. That doesn't mean I didn't like them. I just wasn't very aware of them. Now the thing with Combichrist was just...

(Vehicle drives past them)

Gared: Hello? We're filming here!

(The Cameraman spins in circles cause in German, the word "filming" is the same as "turning")

Gared: Tobias Mertens is turning too....Enough turning. With Combichrist we actually always wanted to...(Camera pans away)...GO ON TOUR, Mr. Mertens, Mr. Camera child!

 

[13:40]

Gared: We're back again - can I make an introductory remark first? - we're back, and we've switched the camera child. 

Nadja: Hello Bo Six.

Gared: Bo Six is standing there now. 

Nadja: Oh my god. Oh my god.

Gared: Why don't you wave.

Nadja: So, Gared Dirge...

Gared: 17 questions. 4 left.

Nadja: That's right. Gared Dirge..

Gared: Nadja Olson. Ohl-son or Olsn?

Nadja: Olson.

Gared: I knew it.

Nadja: What do you say about termites and how should we go about solving this problem?

Gared: Is that a trick question?

Nadja: Yeah.

Gared: I never had any. Neither in my pants nor in my apartment nor elsewhere, in the car or whatever. So I've never had a reason to do something against them. But I'm sure my friendly neighbourhood druggist, Budnikowsky, DM, or Rossmann...no hidden advertisement...can surely recommend me a means of destroying vermin. Or the, the...what's the word? Does that word still exist? Exterminator. Are there still exterminators? (camera zooms in) That's my nose.

(Camera turns to Nadja)

Nadja: Not mine. Thank you. You nose is also pretty.

Gared: Look, he films much more interestingly than Tobias Mertens. (Camera nodds)

Nadja: That's right.

 

[14:43]

Gared: It's already too bright again (puts shades back on). (In a gay tone) There. Let's continue.

Nadja: Gared Dirge.

Gared: Nadjaaa Olson

Nadja: (while Gared is making weird pivoting movements). Since you are such a great musician..

Gared: Great and well-behaved. (Just another pun. The German word for "great" she used is can be taken apart into the words "great" and something that sounds like "well-behaved)

Nadja: What's the most important thing about a piece of music to you? That is, is it the choice of instruments, (Gared nodds, camera shakes its head no) the melody (Gared nodds, camera shakes its head no again), or the sound as a whole, recording technique, something like that.

Gared: Yes.

Nadja: Yes? Okay, next question…

Gared: No...it's really, as mentioned before - incase the question gets edited in here - no, of course it will.

Nadja: Not at all.

Gared: I like complex songs, which are entertaining from front to back, but they're allowed to have a normal procedure as we know it. But I've noticed a subconscious preference for everything that doesn't just consist of guitar, drums, bass, vocals, but which also has keys, or organ, keyboard, synthesizer...

Nadja: What a surprise.

Gared: ...I sort of pay attention to that subconsciously. I also only just noticed that a few years ago. I didn't know that before. So therefore, yeah.

Nadja: Yeah.

Gared: Yeah.

Nadja: Okay. No.

Gared: Yes!

Nadja: What makes you different from: your band colleagues, other keyboarders of this time, and your fans?

Gared: I already forgot the beginning again cause Bo Six is making silly faces behind the camera.

Nadja: Your band colleagues.

 

[16:08]

Gared: Bo Face is making silly sixes behind the camera. Um, the difference between me and my band mates is probably a certain leaning towards pedantry...long hair in the case of Bo Six and me...uh...I'm not so sure about my sexuality...yes I am. Definitely animals. And…

Nadja: Sure, what else.

Gared: But I think it's kind of unfair to say it like that. Of course we have differences, but we complement each other, and form one...(wild circular gesture)...one whole. 

Nadja: A beautiful big whole.

Gared: I won't go into penis lengths now.

Nadja: Yeah it's probably better that way. (camera nodds)

 

[16:48]

Gared: It's really my... what I already said: the sort of music I like, the stylistics, and we thereby again complete each other with each one having his influences and his ideas. So, those are the significant differences, but no heartbreaking err legbreaking ones.

Nadja: Well, other keyboarders, other multi-instrumentalists?

Gared: Other keyboarders: exactly by the fact that I don't just play the keyboard but also guitar and percussions and I make an effort to do something with my voice as backing vocals.

Nadja: Oh yeah?

Gared: But the result isn't something I'd want to put anyone through. Are we speaking loudly enough? I hope so.

Nadja: I'd like to go into your vocals in further detail.

Gared: I always die too when I do that. (A pun: The german word for "go into" sounds similar to a word for "die")

Nadja: I believe you. So where can we...

Gared: Battery. Battery. One more question!

Nadja: So where can we hear you on recordings?

 

[17:45]

Gared: Um, in all the gang shouts, for example. Whenever you hear a "hey!" in the background. In "Die Tomorrow", "Credo", or pirate singing in the background.

Nadja: One can easily tell your voice from the others?

Gared: Yes, I'm the falsetto all the way at the top. (sings in squeaky voice) We give our hearts.. you know? Of course. Everyone heard that now huh. Cool.

Nadja: Yes that's...beautiful.

 

[18:03]

Gared: Okay, we'll get one more in, chop chop chop!

Nadja: Last question. Most important question.

Gared: (panting) Yes!

Nadja: Do you swear before witnesses that all statements you made here correspond to the truth and nothing but the truth?

Gared: (like in a wedding vow) I do.

Nadja: Thank you.

Gared: No, even better: Yes, so help me goth.

Nadja: Woooo!

Gared: Ha!

 

[18:29]

Gared: Thank you Nadja.

Nadja: Thank you Gared Dirge.

Gared: Thank you Bo Six.

Nadja: Oh my god.

Gared: …and of course Tobias Mertens, thank you Hamburg. Bye!

 

 

Translation: Manuela Lütolf