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Episode 11 – Fan Fiction with Sahra Wagenknecht [1]

Swiss und Harms – Zwischen Tour und Angel

 

 (translator’s note: in German you literally say, “between door and hinge” for “in passing,” they altered it to “between tour and hinge”)

 

Description of the episode:

In episode 11, a completely rational classification of the election results leads to a fanfiction with Sahra Wagenknecht. Wow. Chris also reads out an addendum to the episode written by his father and makes mean remarks about other podcasts. Swiss prefers to dream of water bungalows in Bora Bora until Chris ends the episode with a homoerotic fanfiction starring himself. Dreamlike episode. Tune in, subscribe and spread the word!

 

*Intro playing, Country music style*

Swiss: What a beautiful, sad Country intro, fitting for today, ladies and gentlemen, you are live and direct on Swiss and Harms, the one true podcast. You're in St. Pauli for now, aren't you? Let's get that straight. 

Chris: Yes, exactly, but I’ve still got it stuck in my head *sings* “Swiss and Harms are really there.”

Swiss: It’s really nice. That has moved me too.

Chris: So, if we ever do the podcast live, I want us to play it.

Swiss: But play it ourselves.

Chris: Yes of course! Of course.

Swiss: *laughs* I am—did you ask me—you ask me now where I am, right?

Chris: I’ll ask you—wait a second, I’ll ask you now—I will very intelligently edit that in—hey, where are you actually? It looks so cool in your place, I see palm trees in the background, sun, beach, a moon-uhm-station, seagulls…

Swiss: You hear it, right? You hear that I am not at home. I am in the mountains and—may I say it already, or will people show up then? No, it’s ok, I am in Berchtesgaden (community in Bavaria), and between the last show I have—

Chris: Where exactly is that?

Swiss: Berchtesgaden is this little German corner of at the bottom—I mean, mostly—

Chris: *With a naughty grin* “Little German corner” (the word Swiss used for “corner” is also used as a slang word for “penis” in German).

Swiss: German “corners” are usually a bit smaller, and we can both tell you a thing or two about that.

Chris: We should do that at some point.

Swiss: Reaching into Austria. Salzburg is very close. Salzburg is close, down there.

Chris: That’s totally close to where I was on my skiing holidays, Reit im Winkl! (village in Bavaria). That’s close to Salzburg also.

Swiss: No way, you have been to Reit im Winkl? I drove past that place, and I was like: Why does this tell me something?! Exactly, that’s where it is!

Chris: Exactly, it’s super beautiful there.

Swiss: A good region. I have in any case—I’m still very hoarse.

Chris: Have you got super, super fresh snow… due to climate change, it may even be snowing now, right?

Swiss: It keeps raining constantly, not just… I am here for hiking.

Chris: Rain is liquid snow, dude! It’s liquid snow.

Swiss: Yes, but it’s that kind of rain in which you don’t get in the mood for hiking. As a Hamburg citizen, you are “pretty painless” in this respect (means you are used to the miserable weather), but it’s—I usually hike for 5-6 hours, but with this [rain], pneumonia is inevitable. Do you know what I’m going to do?

Chris: Nope.

Swiss: I will do it, nevertheless. There’s a chance that I don’t have to work with Ferris at the weekend then.

Chris: That’s good.

Swiss: I want to have my fun.

Chris: You tell me briefly, maybe I can use you as a news source. Because I drove home all day yesterday, we were in Poland at the first open air festival of the year, “Mystic Festival,” this “Polish Wacken,” was awesome, sat in the car all day, fell into bed super early, overslept this morning, took Mika to school, ran here, and I still have no idea about the European election results. Well, I really don't. So, I'm really not doing any—

Swiss: You’re taking the piss, aren’t you?

Chris: No, I really don’t. Zero time. I was running in here, I’m still sweating. Switched this on here, I really have no idea. 

Swiss: Bro, you really look sweaty.

Chris: Yes, I know.

Swiss: It’s a bit of this sex tourist kind of sweaty look though, that you have.

Chris: No, I did not yet have time to check it.

Swiss: Okay, so Christian, I will now, directly for you—

Chris: Yesterday I saw a few projections, but I don’t have a final result.

Swiss: I don’t know that either, but I think the AfD (Alternative für Deutschland, “Alternative for Germany, right wing party), which is the only thing we are interested in, is unfortunately at 16-17%, CDU (Christian Democratic Union) is the strongest force with 30%, and I think the SPD (Social Democrat Party) is just behind the AfD. The Greens are even further behind. Yes, bro—

Chris: That means—where is it then overall… so, overall EPP is the strongest force in Europe, or what?

Swiss: I don’t know that bro. I don’t know that.

Chris: It’s the European People’s Party, the one where there’s the CDU and all the other center-right parties.

Swiss: I think, von der Leyen (Ursula von der Leyen, President of the Commission) now depends on the right-wing conservatives, if they are even to be called “conservatives.”

Chris: Okay, but 16 % is really hard, that means in the east (in eastern Germany) it’s probably a third or something like that, right?

Swiss: I think it was really “dark” in the east, bro, as I saw.

Chris: Eeeeeee.

Swiss: The wild thing is, that you have to ask yourself why so many young people—like really young, 17 to 24-year-olds—are voting for the AfD and… bro, I don't know. I just don't know. I'm also a bit… how do you say, dismayed? I was kind of expecting it, I think people are just a bit… I don't know. I think we just have up to potentially 20% of these people here, you know, who are really right-wing. And I think if you vote for this party, after everything that's come out here in the last six months, if you vote for this party—hey, bro, honestly, then you're… then you don't have to tell me anything. Whether it's this Maximilian Krah, whether it's these revelations about the deportations and so on and so forth—so I think the people who voted for it now are… they know exactly what they're voting for, and what's interesting is that you can always look, not exactly of course, but I just saw it in Der Spiegel (German Magazine)—

Chris: Sorry, you sound quite far away now—do you have the second headphone lying around somewhere as a microphone?

Swiss: Can you hear me better now?

Chris: Yeah, much better. Well, “much” better.

Swiss: *in English* “Yeah, people. All the technical problems, you know.”

Chris: *in English* “Where’s my snare drum? Where’s my snare drum and my headphone?” Okay.

Swiss: In any case, it was interesting because… they can always see where the new voters came from.

Chris: Yeah.

Swiss: And it's been pretty consistent with the AfD in this election, from the CDU, but just as much from the SPD and almost as much from the FDP (Free Democratic Party). In other words, we have… let's say… okay, you can't call the FDP a bigger party now… but I just want to say that it's strangely wild how people… how some of the people themselves are simply tearing down the firewall and my prediction, Christian, to just really spoil the start of the week for people—

Chris: You know what, very briefly, people are starting to call me “Christian” on social media or at concerts now. *Laughs* And that's only because of you, and this podcast. It's so funny.

Swiss: I am also often called “Werner.” There was some criticism recently that you interrupt me so often, Christian—

Chris: Yes, sorry.

Swiss: Can you maybe just let me finish today. Alright. So, my prognosis, in order to now—

Chris: Sorry, I briefly wanted to apologize for interrupting you so frequently. I just briefly wanted to say I’m sorry, my apologies.

Swiss: No, I don’t want… just be quiet for once. I'm starting to get really angry too, it's a really emotional topic for me.

Chris: *Laughs*

Swiss: So, in short, my prediction, to spoil this week for the people already: I think there will be new elections, and if not, then it will be next year at the latest, then I think the AfD will definitely end up in a coalition with the CDU, because the CDU suddenly thinks it makes sense and blah… we know all the protagonists who are active there and, well, then I think we will have a CDU-AfD-governed Federal Republic, Christian, and then the question is: What do you do?

Chris: Blue-black would really be the catastrophe.

Swiss: What do you do then, that’s my question. What are you doing. What am I doing? I of course can still go to Switzerland, I can go to Turkey… but I think I wouldn’t go anywhere, you know. In the end, I still believe in the rule of law, even if that comes out of my mouth—

Chris: “Rechtsstaat” (in German the word for “rule of law” is spelled the same as “right (wing) state”).

Swiss: —a bit cynical, but I believe in it and somehow, I'm not in the mood to leave the field to these assholes either.

Chris: There are a lot of—I don't know why, it's kind of like a rumor in various fan groups that I'm planning to emigrate to the USA. I don't know where it's come from. I've never hinted at anything like that, I haven't even said anywhere that I think the USA is cool, but now that I think about it, the USA probably won't be so attractive after November either.

Swiss: It wasn't so attractive for emigration before, was it?

Chris: Even less now. I don't know where I'm going, maybe I'll go to Sylt, everything there is great.

Swiss: Yes. Sylt is already used to the new clientele, so you'll feel at home there.

Chris: That’s right.

Swiss: Yes, no idea.

Chris: You, ey, honestly, if you're seriously asking me what I would do then—I really have no idea. Maybe I'm too optimistic, but I never really thought it was possible that we would actually have a real discussion about having a blue-black government. That's why I can't tell you. I don't know.

Swiss: It's so funny isn't it, when you think: in our parent’s day, somehow the Christian Democrats—the CDU—were the right-wingers.

Chris: Yeah, yes.

Swiss: And everyone talked about them, “Yeah, the right wingers.” And now—I dunno, now the CDU is the lesser of all evils. But hey, it is how it is people, I can only appeal to all kinds of people, by “hoping for something” and “worrying about something and being depressed,” nothing has ever changed, you shouldn't be afraid, you should just get off your ass, that applies to all different groups of people. If you care about democracy and a free Germany and Europe, then you should get active and I made a bit of a spiteful post yesterday saying, “this whole culture of concern, you know, it gets on my nerves. Everyone posted this AI-generated Rafah picture.” “All Eyes on Rafah.”

Chris: Yeah.

Swiss: A week later it was the policeman (a police officer got stabbed to death in the city of Mannheim), and people are always so quick to share some nonsense, that is often far too short-sighted and doesn't really summarize the whole topic, and then people feel very, very good because they have the feeling, “Wow, I'm active, I pressed share on Instagram!” And I think this laziness—because it's a laziness, and it's a laziness that falls short, it's a self-soothing laziness, and I think that if you want your world to be beautiful and colorful, you can't avoid being active yourself. And it simply goes beyond that. And I can only advise everyone to do that, I've been doing it for many years, Christian, I hope you finally start doing it too, don't just think about—

Chris: *laughs* Exactly, finally. Finally.

Swiss: —counting money, but you also think about us, and so this would be my appeal to you, at this point too.

Chris: I have really tried to actively vote, I have of course, I also voted for the Party of… what is it called? “Of medical rejuvenation research.”

Swiss: Also, out of self-interest.

Chris: So that I can get to 800 years old.

Swiss: Yes. Exactly. Of course, self-interest is also important, I feel the same way.

Chris: In case anyone out there hasn't noticed yet, I've now forgotten what it's called, but there actually was this party.

Swiss: Yes. “You want to get older?”

Chris: Yes, exactly. I have… did you use a Wahl-O-Mat ^[2] for fun before the election?

Swiss: Nope.

Chris: I have done it for fun once, and I had the Progress Party at the front, AfD at the back, which I found pretty cool.

Swiss: That surprises me though. Yes, because you are very right-wing conservative after all.

Chris: Absolutely.

Swiss: Very right-wing conservative.

Chris: Everybody knows that, at least since you just made me out to be [a very right-wing conservative], to be a distraction from you.

Swiss: *stutters*

Chris: What did you say?

Swiss: No, I just wanted to interrupt you, all’s good.

Chris: Oh, you just wanted… it’s okay, it’s okay.

Swiss: *laughs* *makes sounds as if he was trying to say something whenever Chris starts to talk* Okay, I’ll stop it. So, you see how shitty that is, Christian, if you always get torn out of great trains of thought. Right—your stage now.

Chris: I just wanted to share my wet dreams about Sahra Wagenknecht again.

Swiss: Oh yeah. I'm happy to join. A fanfiction, right?

Chris: Yes, exactly. The thing is, I've actually tried to get to grips with all the parties before the European elections.

Swiss: Yeah.

Chris: What leaves me a bit— well, here at “Bündnis (Alliance) Sahra Wagenknecht,” a bit—I'll try to put it a bit American *speaks with a Texan accent* “a bit puzzled”—is that when I read through the agenda, I always have the feeling that I'm zigzagging on the highway, alternating very quickly between left and right.

Swiss: Mm-hmm.

Chris: What is your opinion of the Sahra Wagenknecht alliance? Because I simply don't understand in which direction this is supposed to go. And I feel a bit “lost in the woods” somehow. *Speaks in a Texan accent again* To put it in a cool way, and I don’t even know in which direction this is actually…

Swiss: Yes, hello? Wait a moment, someone’s coming in. Can I help you?

Voice from the background: This is the room cleaning service.

Swiss: I see. I’m currently working here. Could you come back later, please?

Voice from the background: Yes.

Swiss: In an hour?

Voice from the background: Okay.

Swiss: Thank you. You see, Christian, that's—

Chris: “And then please bring a plate of scampi cocktail and another three gin and tonics.”

Swiss: Christian, this here is—no. I hope you've got what's important here: this is work for me, Christian.

Chris: Mm-hmm.

Swiss: Not that you're going to start walking around saying: yes, with my friend, we talk on the phone now and then.

Chris: I’ll tell you more about that in a moment!

Swiss: For me, this is dull work.

Chris: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Swiss: As you know, and the people know it too—the revenue that can now be generated with podcasts.

Chris: Okay, listen, sorry, I have to… before you jump in here now, I must—

Swiss: Just briefly, one more interruption from me: I think my recording is being heavily overdriven. You'll have to fix it afterwards. You can do that, can't you? Cool thing, thank you!

Chris: Before you talk about your wet dreams with Sahra Wagenknecht, as you’re just bringing up the subject “Work”—I get Screenshots from Lord of the Lost fans every now and then, who pick up something funny in some discussion groups, fan forums, what do I know, rumors about me, meanwhile also rumors about you. Listen, the latest stuff, I thought it was really cool, from two different fan groups. The first one is: “Swiss is only doing this podcast with Chris for the money.” So apparently, I'm paying you.

Swiss: What kind of rumor is this? It’s simply the reality. That is simply “cleverly puzzled together,” to use your words again.

Chris: Yeah.

Swiss: That's quite clear, so it's obvious. What is the next one?

Chris: The next one, that I also found totally good, it has been said that it is audible from me, that I’m not really in the mood for this Podcast anymore, but that I presumably don’t have a choice, as the contract won’t allow anything different. And now I wonder… what contract? Do I have a… I would really like to have a contract with you or with Swiss & Die Andern.

Swiss: Meanwhile I would also like to regulate this contractually. But again, I have to say—and that's the cool thing about rumors: there's always a kernel of truth to them, and this lack of being in the mood—

Chris: *laughs out loud* With the contract.

Swiss: No, this lack of being in the mood.

Chris: Oh, the lack of being in the mood *laughs even more*

Swiss: I notice this lack of being in the mood from you regularly. I just don’t say anything, because I know that you’re generally such a—

Chris: Mm-hmm.

Swiss: Such an un-euphoric guy. Somehow with a minus of endorphins. *laughs* Hey, watch out.

Chris: Yes, ok.

Swiss: My fanfiction with Sahra Wagenknecht. Have you ever read a fanfiction about yourself?

Chris: Two or three times, yes. And then I had to stop, it was too much, too disgusting for me.

Swiss: There was also a fanfiction about me once and I'm now trying to do a bit of mine with Sahra Wagenknecht. I've been invited to a citizens' dialog in Neumünster (a city in Schleswig-Holstein). I'm going to Neumünster on the Metronom (regional train in northern Germany) because I also want to get drunk when I'm trying to start something so that I have a bit of courage. I think it's the R10 or something. Back then there was also this guy, I think it was a Syrian, who stabbed people. ^[3]

Chris: You call your Aston Martin “Metronom” now? All right.

Swiss: I'll get in with the Chantré (a German brandy) and then I'll start having a Sprite-vodka mix on the drive. I'm already starting to stand out. The guests are already irritated by me. I get off at Neumünster station, in the rain, because it rains a lot in Neumünster. I go to this citizens' dialog, I listen, stand out because of two or three really stupid, unqualified follow-up questions and then it's my moment. I go up to her and say: “Hey Sahra, I agree with you on so many points and I think you're a very, very attractive woman.” And then she says: “Hey, we should deepen this conversation—

Chris: Hey, Swiss—

Swiss: —in my hotel here in Neumünster.” And then I go with her to the hotel and then we sit at the bar for a long time and then the night gets longer and longer, and we drink a lot of Chantré, because I think Sahra Wagenknecht also drinks a lot of Chantré.

Chris: En Chantré (Pun with the French greeting “Enchanté” = "delighted").

Swiss: And I'm like: “Yes, I think it's about time for me,” because I'm a gentleman, “the first R10 to Hamburg is already leaving again.” And then she says: “Can I have your number?”. And then I say: “Well, of course.” And that's how I get to know her, and I'll probably publish the next fanfictions on my blog, how it gets deeper with Sahra Wagenknecht and then maybe at some point… Maybe one day I will be… Boah, Diggah, then maybe… uhh Lafontaine is her husband, isn't he?

Chris: Yes.

Swiss: That would be cool if Lafo made a hate post against me. On Insta. Does he have Insta?

Chris: I'm sure he does. Otherwise, we'll do one.

Swiss: “There are people who think that women who are with men are just somehow open on the market. But there are people for whom fidelity and loyalty still count for something. Apparently…” and then he tags me “not for blah blah blah.” That would be cool. I would celebrate that very, very much.

Chris: The thing is though, if something really serious were to come of it and you were to take her name, you'd be “Werner Wagenknecht.” And alliteration like that is always pretty sexy.

Swiss: Wagenknecht. Werner Wagenknecht…

Chris: So, if you need a new stage name as “Werner Fotzen und Wagenknecht.”

Swiss: That's not allowed—

Chris: Now I've said the F-word. I'm sorry.

Swiss: You have to cut that out. Although, you know what, leave it in. I don't care about anything now anyway. You said it—

Chris: Nah, I only did that because you taught me the F-word last time, the German one. I didn't know what the German F-word was.

Swiss: Nah, don't cut it out. You've said it now, own up to it. Stand by it. I stand by it too. You've said it now.

Chris: Yes. By the way, there are people who think the N-word is “Nazi.” I recently had a discussion where someone said: “Well, to be honest. I don't always want to…” it was about our podcast, about the last episode, about “My grandpa was a Nazi” and then they said: “Honestly, I've really always tried to avoid using the N-word in my own story.” I was like: “Uhh, sorry. Very briefly, what kind of history do you have with the N-word? Well, looking at your skin color now, I don't know how many 2/30ths of you might have a black past somewhere, but what do you mean?” And he was like: “What do you mean? Why black?” I'm like: “Well, the N-word.” He's like: *imitates a whisper* “Well, Nazi'.”

Swiss: But Christian, look. That's also really offensive of you, you don't know what he identifies as. Saying “he” in the first place is already totally offensive of me, because I haven't asked him how or what or where he identifies himself, she/it—

Chris: I just said, “with a person” and you immediately think it's a man. Or did I say “guy?” Oh shit—

 

Swiss: Yes, of course. That kind of nonsense only ever comes from men.  Ohhh. I'm team “women.” And everything in between. Oh well. To cut a long story short, Christian, let's hold on for now, on this Monday morning, the mood is tense. It's difficult. It's not as bad for people like us, who are relatively mobile and can choose a bit where they are, as it is for the young Antifa in… Ey, I'm probably going to get bashed again now because I've somehow got the wrong… Halle an der Saale (city in Saxony-Anhalt). Not Halle an der Saale itself—

Chris: Diggah, you'll get bashed anyway for whatever you say, someone will always bash you.

Swiss: I'm just saying, somewhere in a really brown (brown was the color of the old Nazi uniforms, so brown is associated with far-right ideology) village. Where the mayor and also the district administrator and then the federal government might now be blue (color of the far-right party “AfD”) at some point. What are you doing there? Do you still dare to take to the streets? Do you still dare to shout “Alerta! Alerta!” somehow… Ey, I have to tell you something funny: We were in Osnabrück (city in Lower Saxony) last week and wrote some music. Hey, Diggah, we rented a mechanic's apartment there. That was the funniest thing ever. This house, there were only fitters. It was just loud; it was just fighting. They were fighting up there.

Chris: And what did you do there?

Swiss: We wrote a bit of music.

Chris: Ah ok. All right.

Swiss: Behind your back. And—

Chris: As if I'm always there.

Swiss: —then we went out for a bite to eat. And there was the district court, I think some court, there were police officers and some kids standing in front of it and they had a poster: “Stop the criminalization of left-wing thinking,” or something like that. I don't know how it was written. In any case, “Stop criminalizing antifascism.” It was probably about the fact that some antifa was on trial. And I'm walking with the guys on the other side of the street, and I see the poster and shout across the street: “Alerta! Alerta!” and none of them join in. And then I shout across the street: “Where are you?”. I say, “Huh? Totally whack.” We keep walking and then a girl writes to me. She's like, “Ey, that was so funny earlier, you walked past us.” And then I wrote: “Yeah, funny for you. I was disappointed, why didn't you take part?” And then she says: “Ey, we were just so amazed, we couldn't believe that you were walking through Osnabrück.” I said: “Yes, of course. I love Osnabrück.”

Chris: Ah ok. They were star struck.

Swiss: Have you ever been to Osnabrück?

Chris: Yes, I have been before.

Swiss: What do you think… I have an old school friend who's head of sports at Osnabrück. At the soccer club. And I really have to say something now, many people don't want to hear this, but we've made it our mission here in this podcast to be honest. Even with our emotions…

Chris: To Sahra Wagenknecht.

Swiss: This is my fanfiction, which goes even further by the way. Osnabrück is not the most beautiful city in Lower Saxony. Although I once played at the Rosenhof (live music venue), I thought it was cool. And I thought there were cool people there too, but the city itself is… You have to like it.

Chris: I can't really say anything about the city itself. I only know the Rosenhof from inside, the old Bastard Club, the skater hall and some other thing where we used to play. I only know it from concerts.

Swiss: What was the ugliest city you've ever been to? And hey, guys, I've been to a lot of cities, Christian too. Come on, be honest. What was the ugliest city? I'll come up with the next one in a minute.

Chris: The problem is you never see a whole city. You only ever see individual impressions.

Swiss: That's true. That's a metaphor for life, by the way. You evaluate something—

Chris: Yes, snapshots.

Swiss: Yes, you evaluate something and say… Look, my hotel too. I saw that in the pictures and thought “Wow, that's awesome. Really cool. 10,000 euros for four days, sure, I'll do it.” Diggi, now I'm here and I realize there's a highway underneath, construction work… Go on.

Chris: I can think of things where there are actually cities, where I've only seen, I don't know, an industrial area and a wall of high-rises. The first thing that comes to mind would be Toulouse in France. Woke up in the Nightliner, looked out, industrial area, I thought: “Dude, what's going on here?” played a concert, drove away. If I google now, maybe Toulouse is a beautiful city, I don't know. That's why it's always these snapshots that you judge everything by, that's why—

Swiss: You're so fucking sensible, it pisses me off so much, this rational assessment of things. Can't you just say: “Toulouse is crap. Garbage. We don't need it. Never again.”?

Chris: So “Toulouse is garbage.” Can you give it to me in writing so I can say it again with a bit more emotion…?

Swiss: I'll send it over to you. I'll send it with my fanfiction, because I'd like you to look over it again to see how things are going with Sahra and me.

Chris: You've stopped with Osnabrück…

Swiss: That's right, Osnabrück. The point was that Osnabrück isn't the most beautiful city. This apartment we were in, there were only fitters in the building, and it was so funny that a car arrived once, I think with seven or eight Syrians, because there were a lot of them working there and three of them came out of the trunk. That was so funny. The trunk opens and another three come out.

Chris: Very briefly, how do you come to say: “I'm going to Osnabrück to do a songwriting camp?”

Swiss: We have a colleague who we wrote with there, who we made music with.

Chris: Ah ok. All right. I thought you were thinking: “Come on, let's get an awesome Air BnB, where are we going? Osnabrück. We haven't been there yet.”

Swiss: Exactly. No, and then I actually said I'd extend Osnabrück and then added another two weeks with my family to catch that Osnabrück vibe. They also say “Osnabrück: State of mind” and now I've got a lot of it with me. And then, I wanted to tell you about another city that wasn't so great either. Have you ever been to Frankfurt an der Oder (a city in Brandenburg)?

Chris: Nope.

Swiss: I've been to Schwedt (also in Brandenburg). It's charming again, because in Schwedt, there are these old… these huge streets in parts, there are these socialist blocks of houses. This “Linksradikale Schlager” (“Left radical pop song,” a song by Swiss & Die Andern” window opens up for me again, where I think—

Chris: As you're trying to force me to complain about cities, I actually have to say that in the last few weeks, because I'm actually such a podcast virgin, I've never really listened to podcasts, I thought I'd check out a few other podcasts. Because you told me about a few things, I thought I'd listen to a few of the big ones and a few completely random ones. And what I realized—

Swiss: “This is so much better than what we have here…”

Chris: Yes, exactly, that's why I'd like to end it with episode 11, because that's a nice number.

Swiss: Yes, that's enough. That's a good number.

Chris: No, what I've noticed is that it feels like every second podcast is a podcast that's so into complaining culture—

Swiss: Nagging cast.

Chris: Where I have the feeling that the people who make the podcast bathe themselves in complaining culture and think it's really cool. Yes, such a nagging cast. And it's always in *imitates a nagging voice* it always feels so nasal and “Nope and here and I don't think it's good either and here and blah…” and then it gets so ramped up. Always like old married couples complaining about the neighbors. And that made me really aggressive, where I thought I was missing a bit of this shift in perspective, asking each other questions and somehow realizing that people enjoy talking to each other. But I really had the feeling, and I'm really sorry, that I'm now so—

Swiss: Are you enjoying this conversation?

Chris: I actually did. But I'm now just as judgmental as others who say about me: “Well, Chris isn't up for it anyway, he's only doing it because of the contract.” But unfortunately, I can't do anything about the fact that I'm getting an impression. I had the feeling that every second podcast might be a snapshot and a random selection, but every second podcast was like “We just complain a lot.” And I found that quite exhausting. Do you feel the same way?

Swiss: Yeah, but that's just, sorry, that's your Toulouse moment in terms of podcasts. Maybe my Osnabrück moment. You've got a snapshot there now, listened to maybe three or four episodes—

Chris: Seven.

Swiss: —and now you're making such a devastating judgment of other podcasts.

Chris: Nah, I say I have that feeling. I'm just asking questions.

Swiss: You can still… You're not allowed to do anything anymore…

Chris: I'm not a podcast hater, but…

Swiss: You're not allowed to say anything anymore! No, I think so too, Christian, I have to say. What I also like to hear, people will cry about it again but I don't care, I think Lanz and Precht are pretty cool (Markus Lanz: journalist, talk show host & Richard David Precht: philosopher, writer). Whether you like Lanz or Precht is up to you. But I think—

Chris: Is that Precht, the philosopher? Or which Precht?

Swiss: Exactly! *In a sarcastic way* You don't know Bertolt Brecht, bro (German writer).

Chris: Bertolt Brecht is the one from the 3-cent opera, right? (a reference to Brecht's Threepenny Opera).

Swiss: No, the one from the Milka advert! You can tell that they have both travelled a lot, they are two well-read people who are really interested [in their topics]. Markus Lanz too, he may be a career-hungry, smooth guy, but I really noticed that in this podcast, he is really interested in these things. He is really passionate about these topics and wants to know things. I really like that, for example, and I also have the podcast with Somuncu (Serdar Somuncu is a controversial cabaret artist, musician and moderator). Although Somuncu also complains a lot, I like him when he complains, I think that's the best. Otherwise, I don't know… I don't want you to give bad examples and then we end up with podcast beef.

Chris: No, hey, that's not in my interest at all! Maybe it was just a snapshot. I just had the feeling that there are a lot of people who just think it's cool to complain and that's always something that I find really exhausting.

Swiss: Also, this worrying and always complaining. It really gets on my nerves.

Chris: But maybe I am doing the same right now, when I complain about Podcasts where they complain. Actually, that's exactly what I do, so on the meta level I'm no better!

Swiss: Can we just make a cut now and say ok, I'll accept that for now?

Chris: I'd like to throw in something from my father.

Swiss: Yes, please! You already… I have to say, I already heard it and what did I tell you? I said you have to read it because it's really, really touching and really sweet.

Chris: Exactly, my father wrote me an email because they (his parents) also said, “We heard that you're doing a radio show with Swiss”—

Swiss: A radio show. *Laughs a bit*

Chris: “What is a podcast?” and then I explained what a podcast is and that it's just a portmanteau of iPod and broadcast. I then tried to explain what is similar but is received differently or what you can just listen to. They can handle YouTube, so I sent them a YouTube link. And then—

Swiss: Now just read that out loud! *Chris laughs* Come on, just read it!

Chris: I like it when you boss me around like that! I always get a little…

Swiss: *Laughs* Yes, that's your German streak: “Finally being bossed around!” No, keep going.

Chris: He wrote me an email: “Moin son, thank you, we listened to the one-hour podcast with great interest. Two smart men report on the past in a smart show”—

Swiss: Just briefly: I was just about to say—

Chris: I don't know who he means by the second smart man!

Swiss: He thinks we are both smart! So that… Just… savor it! Your father called you smart in connection with me for the first time in your life!

Chris: K-L-U-K (This is a reference to an episode of The Simpsons in which Homer misspells the word smart (klug) in German (kluk). He continues writing, and that's where it gets interesting because he actually corrects a few things.

Swiss: You were just gone! (Means the connection).

Chris: Sorry!

Swiss: You were gone, but now you are back! Thought what I said was so mean that you were frustrated.

Chris: Haha, yes totally, I just cried for a short while! But only for a short time! *Both laugh* Actually I cried for a very long time, I just cut it out! We have now—

Swiss: Hey man! *Slightly annoyed* We have to get on with the text now, sorry! I'm a bit… Can you please just read it out? “Moin son… smart men…”

Chris: Yo, not everyone has ADHD, please be patient here for a moment…

Swiss: Bro, I'm already sweating! Really. I wanted to go hiking, it's raining and everything is suboptimal—can you please just read the text out loud!?!

Chris: YES! *Swiss sighs in the background* So, it goes on, my father writes: “We both haven't talked much about our past, but I heard from the podcast that I probably didn't report a lot of things clearly.” And now he corrects a few things that I said: “My father Karl Krogmann was not a Russian prisoner of war, he was never in the war, because as a senior employee of the Junkers aircraft factory in Dessau (a town in East Germany)…” He was head of the Junkers business operations… “he was indispensable for military service, and was not drafted. Only AFTER the war, when the Russians marched into Dessau, was he arrested and imprisoned by the Russians for three years in post-war captivity in various camps. Conveniently, in quotation marks, the Russians continued to use the former Nazi concentration camps.” Which is so crazy! But understandable, as camps for undesirable contemporaries. “For example, my father was supposed to have spent a long time getting to know several concentration camps, including Buchenwald, from the inside. When he came home after three years, reduced to a skeleton, he was afraid of being arrested again and we fled to Berlin in several attempts, where we stayed with Aunt Wilma, my mother's sister, for several months. A mattress camp for a family of six in an old building. At the time, this was taken for granted for a young Berlin family with a baby. In Hamburg we initially lived in a coal cellar under a bombed-out house on Lessingstrasse and were happy that everyone had their own bed. We were then able to move to Niendorf/Hasenheide (part of Hamburg) into a makeshift home with two rooms and a kitchen, and an outhouse outside. The kitchen didn't have running water, but it did have a water pump, which was a rarity! As I know from the old rental contract, the rooms were 11, 6 and 7.3 square meters. All that for a family of six and a dog. But it was a wonderful childhood that we children enjoyed very much. After that, things went uphill, we moved to Hamburg Dulsberg…” Blah blah blah and so on… “Lovely greetings, daddy!”

Swiss: That’s cute!

Chris: I was like: Wow! I got it mixed up and thought one of my grandfathers was a prisoner of war during the war, but I didn't realize that after the war, people, Germans, were actually brought into the concentration camps. It's so brutal but completely understandable and I think “Yeah, right!”

Swiss: Crazy!

Chris: Depending on which glasses you put on, from the Soviet perspective it was an absolutely understandable move!

Swiss: Yes, it's intense. Well, I have to go back to the story, which is very cute. I also think it's very cute that your dad writes something like that to you and hears it, and to a certain extent it makes me emotional too. Because whenever I… Um… My dad also writes to me from time to time, saying, “Hey, I saw your new video, it's really awesome!” Yes… Um… Whenever I read and hear something like that, I notice how much I miss him. And then it always becomes… Hey, it's all good, all I'm saying is, for example, I was in the sauna here yesterday and a cute old couple came in. Both of them—do you know how couples like that blend into each other visually when they've been together for many years?

Chris: Yes, like dog and master or dog and mistress and stuff like that. Yes, yes, I know.

Swiss: They both had the same hairstyle, the same walk, the same demeanor. And that was so cute because you noticed how long they had been together and yet they were so happy with each other and in that moment… That hit me so hard, anyway, because I thought for a moment that my parents were like that too. My mom doesn't have that anymore, which made me very sad. So much for that. I'm very happy for you that your dad writes to you like that and that you have a dad who can write to you like that!

Chris: Yes, it makes me really happy.

Swiss: And these old names Wilma, Karl—

Chris: Aunt Wilma… My grandfather's name wasn't just Karl, he was called Karl Klaus Emil Krogmann. That's wonderful.

Swiss: Ey, Theodor, Herman—There's a reason Hermine is called that. I love these names!

Chris: I thought you were just a Harry Potter fan?

Swiss: No, that was… I only realized that later… Because of Harry Potter!? No! Because of my love of old German names.

Chris: Werner is also awesome!

Swiss: Where your father wrote “We lived in a coal cellar and yet we were all happy”—in our case, we also lived in a not so big apartment, which was very dark, in the Schanze (Schanzenviertel, a district of Hamburg). When I was seven, eight or nine it was not an area that people wanted to move to.

Chris: Where was that in the Schanze?

Swiss: Alsenplatz, Langenfelderstrasse, that’s where I grew up. And I remember we had our clique on the street, and I hung out outside the door all summer. We went to the kiosk to get something to eat, played football and just hung around. I also played this game—there were a lot of girls with me, my best friend, my neighbor, it was really cool. I also did this rope skipping and really socialized with girls a lot.

Chris: Me too.

Swiss: I also somehow felt more comfortable with girls in my early years. That is still the case today, which I always notice when we both talk. There is always a toxic aura around you that totally—

Chris: Oh, I thought you felt more comfortable with me because my feminine side is so strong?

Swiss: No, it's the other way around, Christian! But you can tell yourself that.

Chris: Oh, ok, fuck…

Swiss: What did I want to say? Back then, that was also a great word, you really had to say that you were so happy with so little. Even now, when I look back on my career—what I do, in quotation marks, you can see it, so that people don't think I'm anything else—um, no matter what stage I'm in, whether with little or a bit more money, now with even more money than little money, I always had fun! I always had fun! That's the greatest gift you can have in life. I was at this “Keine Panik” festival with Ferris (a rapper friend, they both work together a lot). There really weren't many people there and they do it themselves and the stage is in a barn, everything is self-made, it's a village in the middle of nowhere, and the people do it. Hey, my colleague listens to the podcast too, best wishes! And that was so cute because you noticed that the people were simply having fun with what they were doing and then he asked me “Do you have any suggestions as to how we could make it better?” I said “No, just carry on like that! If you're having fun with the story, that's the most important thing!”

Chris: Where is that?

Swiss: That was near Kassel. Warburg was the hotel, or something like that. And what I mean by that is that that should always be the most important motivation in everything. Having fun with what you do. My mother always said it so beautifully: “You have to make art for the sake of art. Money or success is the by-product of art that is made for its own sake!” And I think that's how it is with everything in life. If you're having fun—ey, I have a slogan in mind right now: “Just do it!” What do you think of that?

Chris: This is really, really good!

Swiss: “Just do it!” *Says it also in German: Mach’s einfach!* I could maybe check it out to see if it already exists, I don't think so (ironic, because that is the advertising slogan for his Nike shoes).

Chris: I actually did that once, seriously—not “Just do it!” but “Do it now! I read somewhere. And I wrote that on the inside of my front door, not anymore, but for a long time. Because I always thought I had to fight against this procrastination. Because there are so many things you can do right now that aren't bad at all, because once you get them done, you'll feel better all day! This “I'll do it this afternoon; I'll do it tomorrow”—

Swiss: I do it a little differently. I like to do it like “Do it last! You know? *Chris laughs* Do it last, that's my motto. Do we want to talk about your neighbor? Or maybe not?

Chris: About my neighbor?

Swiss: Or no, I don’t want to cause trouble for you. Everything's fine.

Chris: Which neighbor do you mean?

Swiss: Here is your neighbor, there in your—

Chris: Oh there! Oh no, come on, no comment.

Swiss: Yes, let's let your neighbor out of here and we'll see how things develop. Let's put it that way.

Chris: But I just have to ask… Let's just say we'll leave it—

Swiss: No! I just want to repeat my impression… I told you what my first impression was, you confirmed it, and let's see if I have another encounter and if I then… You know me a little bit and I find it hard to hold back and I know what kind of conversation will result from that. So, that's it! What did you want to say?

Chris: So, for the people out there: we're talking about a person who is very unpleasant in the neighborhood and sometimes you have to talk to people like that. That's important. Hey, everything's fine, I honestly don't even know if I asked you how you're doing? No, right? Just not today.

Swiss: No, you haven’t, you don’t give a fuck about that. Yes, I'm fine, Christian. Today I have to… today I'm really struggling with absolute luxury problems. I'm thinking about when this rain will stop, whether it might be less at higher altitudes, I have to decide between hiking routes, whether I'm going to take lunch with me here today or wait until dinner, I want to write a bit more, these are the things I'm dealing with.

Chris: How long will you be gone?

Swiss: Hey, I've planned it really well! I played with Ferris on Saturday, then drove straight here to Berchdesgaden, am hiking here now and am playing with Ferris again on Saturday, and the place I'm playing, Rock the Hill Festival, is only two hours from here. That means I can drive there relaxed. Then from Rock the Hill to Novarock Festival, which is also only three hours I think, and I'll drive there in my own car. We'll play Novarock there and the day after will be a lot more strenuous. I have to drive alone—it's almost Bratislava—by car alone. But I'm relaxed about that too. If that takes too long or I'm tired, I'll just stay somewhere overnight. And then I'll come home for three days and then I'll go on holiday again, Christian.

Chris: That means we're probably also doing the next episode via telephone again, as well, right?

Swiss: Yes.

Chris: The thing is with a vacation: of course, it's so cool when you have a four-year-old child, then you are much more free to decide when you are going on vacation.

Swiss: Yes, yes. Yes.

Chris: As soon as school comes—that's why I'm very much looking forward to the summer break, because of course I can go on vacation alone, but I’d also like to go on vacation with my child, so that's why I'm waiting for the summer break. Currently I myself am between the first festivals, I'm still tired as fuck, because of a bunch of renovations at home, and this now is the final phase of the renovation, and I'm telling you 600 square meters Art Nouveau, Elbchaussee (one of the most expensive streets in Hamburg with a lot of expensive mansions), how exhausting that is if for two weeks you have to scream at handymen, my throat is SO sore…

Swiss: I just wanted to say that!

Chris: And then you're playing concerts in between, but, but honestly—

Swiss: You said that that ivory and that mahogany from India are going to get delivered too late, that it—

Chris: But I don't want to make the wrong impression to the people out there, I still want the people to know that I also only let them (the servants that Chris is pretending he has) cook with water. ^[4] So, it's really—

Swiss: Down to earth. And you're also going, I have to say that—

Chris: Down to earth! *Laughs*

Swiss: You also go to the loo in the morning, like everyone else!

Chris: The toilet bowl is made of precious metals, but… No, I really renovated a lot and between renovating and the festivals, I didn't really come down, I'm really looking forward to the vacation.

Swiss: Yes.

Chris: And the festival season this summer is so awesome, we actually only have one singular festival during the summer break, and then a festival week that finishes directly before your open air that we are attending.

Swiss: Yes.

Chris: And apart from that, there is so much time, I think I can travel somewhere three times, and I also really need that.

Swiss: Yes.

Chris: Really, so much. Somewhat.

Swiss: I'm currently in different mode, so, I told you, the autumn [plans are] cancelled.

Chris: Yes.

Swiss: And I am—hey, I do not care at all, I'm currently writing music, but completely unmotivated, I just want to make music, and I don't know where to go, I don't know when, I just know that towards the end of the year it's going to get quieter. And I am currently in a—yeah, to a certain extent I am—that’s going to sound very theatrical now, but I am taking back my normal life to a certain extent, do you know what I mean?

Chris: Yes.

Swiss: Just being, just traveling, reading a bit, making a bit of music, eating well, doing sports, and I find that is really an art, to every now and then—as a musician and also as a freelancer, you always have this pressure that you're feeling, do you know what I mean? You always have this kind of—

Chris: Especially as a freelancer, you don't have a boss who tells you, “Please be there tomorrow at eight and you're already getting the money into your bank account once a month.”

Swiss: Exactly, and guys like me are similar there, one always has—or at least I always have the feeling: “you're doing too little, you're too lazy.”

Chris: Yes.

Swiss: And then I'm seeing people like, for example, Vincent, and I’m thinking: “Dude, when did he do this, too? And when did he do that, too?” And then I’m always thinking, like—

Chris: Which one? From SDP (rap duo) or what?

Swiss: Exactly.

Chris: Yes, yes.

Swiss: And when people are saying to me: “Ey, you are such a workhorse,” I'm always thinking, “No, dude! There are people who simply work much, much harder than me.” And that's a thing that I'm currently freeing myself from. Where I'm thinking “fuck it; all of you, just do as much as you're doing, just not up for it” and this seed, this tender shoot in oneself—“the tender shoot in oneself” sounds a bit weird, but you know what I mean (the German word “Trieb” can mean a shoot from a plant, but also a sexual drive).

Chris: Yes.

Swiss: To see this seed in oneself slowly growing, and to realize “it is beautiful, I don't care about anything at the moment,” that's very, very nice, and I enjoy that, and that's why I want to end the podcast here with you. I'm going to terminate the contracts; I'm going to terminate the contracts…

Chris: We agreed on certain episodes, we still have to finish them.

Swiss: You can get your 100,000€ advance payment back, as far as I'm concerned—

Chris: *Laughs*

Swiss: No. Well, how are you? You already briefly touched on the subject; you're looking forward to your vacation—

Chris: No, come on I've actually already said everything, apart from that I'm feeling well, I'd rather have a question for you actually, since you just reviewed ^[5] it, last week; have there been reactions from Swiss & Die Andern fans to this “we won't do a tour now,” has there been panic “they'll quit” or something? Because with us, there has been a huge wave of fear, like—

Swiss: With us not at all. With us not at all.

Chris:—fearful reactions. You see,? The people have—they don't need you; they're taking you as it comes—

Swiss: That is a thing… but that’s also cool, you know, not being needed is a somewhat nice feeling, that makes you so—

Chris: Maybe I also expressed it poorly, maybe the people had gotten the feeling that we would take a break for like, four years, what's this complete nonsense. That's why—maybe I just expressed it shittily.

Swiss: For us, there actually have been a few things, “yes, awesome, take your time if you need it,” it was a bit like at whatsitcalled, so you know “Siegfried,” the movie, with Tom Gerhardt? (A comedy parody of the Nibelungen saga).

Chris: Nope!

 

Swiss: Where Siegfried destroys everything in the village, it's so funny! Zeke destroys everything in the village, and everyone is annoyed and then they say, “you have to go on a journey,” and then there is the farewell and everyone's waving, and he turns back, “shouldn't I stay after all?” and everyone's like “no, no, no, no! Go now, go now!” and then, “okay,” and then like “Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye!” He's like “are you all sure?” “Yes! Yes! Yes! Go now!” And with us, it's a bit like that, too. The people are like “hey, come, take”—*claps his hands* “No, clap, don't take just one year,” *claps his hands again* “take two years.” *Claps his hands again* “Take the time for yourself come on you need it.” [Missing part due to a jump in the recording] “Relax”!

Chris: So, in principle the understanding for it and that people are also commenting something like: “hey, it’s totally good that you're also doing [things] a bit more calmly sometimes,” that is there. But maybe it's on me, maybe I have to listen to the episode again. *Laughs* But the impression came up that we would completely vanish into thin air for four years, which isn't true at all. So, we are taking—maybe again for you out there: we are taking a live break for one year, so from festival season to festival season, because we also really, really need that. And I don't know yet exactly what I want to do during that time, if maybe I'm really going on vacation or if we are going to produce an album or to make music for fun or if I'm going to make a solo album or whatever, I don't know yet. But I'm looking forward to knowing for one year for a change, for one year my life is not dependent on concert dates, because you virtually just have these islands and put everything around these very far in advance planned concert dates. And also, over many years, so, what many out there don't know, that partially the summer of 2026 is getting bargained with concerts now already. And partially it's getting difficult to plan private things when you already know exactly in advance where you will be in two years. And I'm looking forward to the freedom to know for one year, I am not dependent on anything, just on myself.

Swiss: I've met a guy who is going on a sabbatical next year and is going on a journey around the world with his son, he's already older, four months, five months, but the journey around the world mainly—South-Sea-Polynesia it’s called, I think.

Chris: Awesome!

Swiss: So, I think it’s Guamo and so on, and to Bora Bora for a longer time.

Chris: Mhm.

Swiss: And the funniest thing is, I have—a year ago, I thought, “ey, I want to”—right? Haiti and so on. Or—Tahiti it is, there. Exactly. Haiti is…

Chris: Haiti is something else.

Swiss: At Dom. (He likely means the Dominican Republic).

Chris: Yes, exactly.

Swiss: Where the civil war is. Exactly, Tahiti.

Chris: Exactly!

Swiss: I always had to think about it because in the past I watched “Mutiny on the Bounty”—

Chris: Ah yes.

Swiss: —with Marlon Brando, and they were in Tahiti there, and I always thought, like, “whoa, I would love to [go] to Tahiti some time!” And Bora Bora is there as well, and he’s going to Bora Bora, and one year ago I looked it up; okay, a vacation in Bora Bora; and there are water bungalows. And then I thought, “yeah, then I’ll book it, if you’re flying there, of course you want to stay there for a bit, I’ll look up… two weeks.” What do you guess, for a water bungalow on Bora Bora, two weeks?

Chris: It has to be damn cheap. I don’t know, 200€?

Swiss: Nope! 60,000€!

Chris: I see! That way, in that direction!

Swiss: That’s still cheap, probably, for you.

Chris: Whaaat?

Swiss: No. Unhinged! And then I thought—

Chris: I thought that you’d say a really cheap price now or something, because partially, especially the—

Swiss: No, no. And then I thought, I’m like, “wow! He’s flying to Bora Bora and wants to stay there for longer,” and he actually has—There are awesome B&Bs that are totally inexpensive. That means my Bora Bora… thought, wishful dream, fanfiction—you can also have fanfictions with islands—popped up again, Christian.

Chris: Ah yes, okay.

Swiss: Who knows?

Chris: But in all honesty, is there Swiss & Die Andern fanfiction, did you read it?

Swiss: Someone once sent me one, but really, for me it was very—also a very sexual fanfiction, umm…

Chris: It’s almost always like that, that’s very interesting.

Swiss: Yeah, it actually—youth language: it cringed me out, I’ll say that very honestly. And I could—

Chris: Yes. I understand.

Swiss: —not do that to myself, reading that; and insofar as I find some trains of thought, and some wishes and dreams, maybe shouldn’t be brought to paper.

Chris: The thing is, from Lord of the Lost, with all band members, sometimes even all together, very often with me though, there are also a lot of…

Swiss: *Laughs* With all band members together!

Chris: Yes, yes, no joke!—A lot of fanfictions, and the thing is, I don’t even want to judge about it, because I know very well that everyone consumes music in a different way and projects things onto it; what I’ve always said, one person wants to dance, another wants to headbang, another one wants to pogo, another one wants to cry, another one wants to sing along, another one just wants to understand the texts and read them at home, so everyone is different there. And if someone is worshipping people and is doing it via a personality cult, even in a sexual sense, in principle that’s completely okay. But it is difficult for me to read, especially if a lot of these stories, that are very often written by girls, are often homoerotic stories between us as guys. That means I find that totally interesting—and I really don’t mean it in a judging way—totally interesting that there are a lot of girls whom it apparently turns on to come up with homoerotic stories between the band members of their favorite band. And I once tried to read one of these fanfictions as an example, and I had to stop at—and I can’t exactly replicate it in the original wording, but it was roughly formulated as the singer with his hard, pulsating member releasing himself into the keyboardist’s anus.

Swiss: *Laughs*

Chris: There—

Swiss: Ey, wait, wait, wait! Christian?

Chris: Yes?

Swiss: I think that is the best closing line that this podcast ever had! Can you say it again, maybe?

Chris: I had to stop at that!

Swiss: And then—

Chris: That—*stutters* that the—the singer with his hard, pulsating member released himself into the keyboardist’s anus; should I fade in country again here now, or what?

Swiss: And now I would fade in the other country song that you also suggested to me. Um…

Chris: I actually still wanted to tell you one thing before we finish.

Swiss: Oh man! But I wanted to have this ending, okay, come on.

Chris: No, listen. Then I’ll do it after the country song. Then we’re doing it like at Marvel, there is this post credit scene.

Swiss: Okay, good.

Chris: So, we’re doing the end now, yes?

Swiss: I would—

Chris: Should I say it once again, with the keyboardist and the pulsating penis?

Swiss: Say it again and then the song comes in.

Chris: Okay. *In a narrator’s voice* And then… *laughs* And then the singer with his hard, pulsating member *country music starts fading in* released himself into the keyboardist’s anus.

Swiss: That does something with me.

Chris: *Still in the narrator voice* I hope so.

*Country style S+H intro plays*

Chris: Let’s get to the post credit scene: I wanted to [tell you] one thing actually, I got to that because my son Mika listened to a podcast one time recently and he asked, “Tell me, where does ‘Digga’ ^[6] come from?” And I actually had to look it up because I know that’s a Hamburg thing, and I know that it’s a thing that got big in the ‘90s in the rap scene, through Ferris amongst others, he’s one of those who cultivated the word “Digga” very, very much. Of course, I don’t know Beginner, Fünf Sterne and so on, right? Samy… ^[7] Lots of “Digga, Digga, Digga,” but then I did some research, and it actually goes back, it was actually Klaus Lemke ^[8] back then, from the movie “Rocker,”—

Swiss: Whoa, awesome! Awesome!

Chris: —from the year 1972.

Swiss: Awesome movie!

Chris: Exactly, and he always said “Dicker” (literally “thick one,” but in this case, it can also mean “close one”) and then there is also another thing, that apparently already in the late Middle Ages, especially in the northern regions of what is called Germany today, and back then it was—there wasn’t any Germany in that sense yet—partially was something that actually was supposed to describe something like “close friends,” so it is no body-shaming or whatever, it is not about being thick, but about being close friends. And there they don’t fully agree on whether the “Dicker” that we are using nowadays also originates there, but actually it is— and it is really cool, so I have to watch it again— the movie “Rocker” from Klaus Lemke.

Swiss: Awesome.

Chris: That’s where that “Dicker” actually comes from.

Swiss: You can slap that into the story.

Chris: Yup.

Swiss: Ey, cool info, I really mean that.

Chris: Exactly! So much for that.

Swiss: Thank you very much, and—

Chris: Dicker!

Swiss: —Christian! Take care!

Chris: Werner! Werner Wagenknecht, give warm greetings to Sahra ^[9] from me.

Swiss: I’ll do that! Thank you folks, we’ll hear each other, you’ll hear us, see you, stay as you are… or change, if you are shitty. Can I say that? Ciao.

 *Country style S+H song starts playing*

 

 

[1] Sahra Wagenknecht (born July 16, 1969, in Jena; officially Sarah Wagenknecht) is a German politician (BSW, previously Die Linke, PDS, SED) and publicist. Wagenknecht was a member of the federal executive of the PDS from 1991 to 1995 and from 2000 until its merger with the WASG in 2007. She was able to expand her influence in the successor party Die Linke. There, Wagenknecht, who had long presented herself as a communist, was regarded as a protagonist of the left wing of the party. She was a member of the European Parliament from 2004 to 2009 and one of the party's deputy leaders from 2010 to 2014. Wagenknecht has been a member of the German Bundestag since September 2009. From 2011, she was deputy chair of the Left Party parliamentary group. From 2015 to 2019, she was parliamentary group leader with Dietmar Bartsch and, as such, also leader of the opposition until 2017. Since the party was founded on January 8, 2024, she has been chairwoman of the Sahra Wagenknecht Alliance together with Amira Mohamed Ali.

 

[2] The Wahl-O-Mat is an internet-based election decision aid that has been operated by the Federal Agency for Civic Education since 2002. It is available for upcoming European, Bundestag and state elections in Germany

 

[3] Brokstedt stabbing - Wikipedia

 

[4] The German saying “auch nur mit Wasser kochen” (“to just cook with water, too”) means that someone is just a normal human being, even if they seem “better” or more successful in some way, and Chris twists this phrase, saying that he has people to do the cooking for him.

 

[5] He did a bit of a word play there, instead of “revue passieren lassen” (“to review, literally “to let it happen revue”) he said “Püree massieren lassen” (“to let it massage puree”), which makes just as little sense in German as it does in English.

 

[6] “Digga” (sometimes “Diggah”) is a deliberately misspelled version of “Dicker,” literally “thick one,” but in the sense of friends, it can also be a very informal way of saying “close one,” even though “Dicker” is not only used for friends, but rather in the same sense as “dude” or “bro” in English.

 

[7] Beginners are a hip hop band from Hamburg, formerly named “Absolute Beginners,” then “Absolute Beginner” and since 2003 “Beginner.” Fünf Sterne Deluxe are a Hamburg-based hip hop band, as well. Samy Deluxe is a rapper, also from Hamburg.

 

[8] A German actor and film director who wrote and directed a movie named “Rocker” in 1972. Contrary to how it sounds in Chris’ explanation, he did not play a role in the movie himself.

 

[9] He probably used the last name “Wagenknecht” because it sounds well with “Werner”, although it is unknown whether any of it is actually Swiss’ name. Sahra Wagenknecht is a German politician, former representative of the left-wing party Die Linke  (“The Left”), who founded her own party, Bündnis Sahra Wagenknecht (“Sahra Wagenknecht Alliance”), in 2023. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sahra_Wagenknecht

 

 

Translation: Margit Güttersberger, Elisabeth Czermack, Jeany Fischer, Jari Witt

Proofreading: Helen Forsyth