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LordCast 008 - Calumy, urge to pee, favorite cakes and Presidents

 

(Note: wherever you see "........." it means that those parts were either inaudible / non-understandable.)

 

Chris: Welcome to the LordCast number eight, erm, Gared is yet ordering Sushi,...

Class: We are already starting?

Chris: Klaas is somewhere in the- Klaas!

Class: oh, we are starting already!

Chris: Yes.

Class: Got it. I'll just quickly open apack. 

Chris: Klaas is in the kitchen, Pi does pee (in German, "to pee" is "Pipi machen", thus the pun)

Gared: Haha.

Chris: ...er, Nik is... at home in Osterode, so... not there. We will call him later. And we'll just start now,...

Class: Where is...?

Chris: ...even though I don't know at all what this is about, because we still have...

Class: Where is the bottle opener?

Chris: ...no- er, here, look, there is something new there.

Class: I'm asking that every time. I think. .........*inaudible*........

(0:31) 

Chris: Here it is.

Class: I see! / Do you have it?

Gared: Maybe also someone may tell me where we want to order.

Chris: That is cool. Here, such a... oh, that is for..........*inaudible*........

(0:37)

Pi: Are we already starting?

Chris: Yes, we thought we'll just start.

Gared: It...almost seems like it.

Pi: I see.

Class:........*inaudible*.........

(0:43)

Chris: We thought we'd-

Pi: Hello, here is Pi.

Class: Thanks.

Chris: Well, you have to edit it.

Pi: I'll manage to do that.

Chris: I thought we'll just start...

Pi: Yes.

Chris: ...without knowing what we're talking about.

Pi: That's the very first time. I believe.

Chris: Yes.

Pi: Yes.

Gared: I find- I find it very important, where did we order sushi the last time?

Pi: At "Sushi für Hamburg", "-for friends", whatever.

Gared: I see, not- not „for friends“, „Sushi für Hamburg“, okay.

Pi: Exactly, that's what it's called.

Chris: So. Either way we'll be doing a few trouble makers; for that…

Pi: Exactly.

Chris: ... we are going to call Nik. If you out there don't know what troublemakers are or don’t remember: troublemakers are word twisters, like, for example, the last time we had „Baustelle“ („construction site“). Out of that, you can make „Staubälle“ („accumulation balls“). (see LordCast 006)

Pi: Exactly.

Chris: And then one has to explain what it is. So, that's what we are doing.

*Soda can opening sound*

Chris: So. I'm making fizz-click, too, now, no?

*Soda can opening sound*

Pi: They are especially loud today, the red wines.

Chris: Pi and I have a codeword. Namely, each time we want to drink a cola light, we say we'd like to have a red wine or we ask the other one if he has got another red wine.

Pi: Exactly.

Chris: The problem is actually, of you really want to drink a red wine, I mean a genuine red wine, what do you say then?

Pi: Then I always say „red wine or behind dead“ (in German, "Rotwein oder tot sein" rhymes) Cheers.

Chris: Huh? It's like a woman, then.I mean like yes- "yes means yes and no means harder". (Refers to the title of a song by his ex band "The Pleasures")

Pi: Exactly. We could actually talk about the first topic here, but we better talk about something entirely different. Erm…

Chris: I wanted to know what you do if you- if you really… a red wine…

Pi: Then…then I say I‘d like to have a cola light.

Chris: Ah.

Pi: Yes.

Chris: So it's really like with women.

Pi: Mhm. ... 't works.

Chris: That's why.........*inaudible*...........

(2:13)

Class: Yeah, depends.

Chris: If my wife says „I'll take a cola light“, I always just order red wine, too.

Gared: I think you somehow understood the principle of drinks and w- er, women and the like- I mean, you know- I mean, you know how to… consume these each , right?

*laughter*

Pi: I mean, the- the principle of drinks I understood, yes.

Gared: Okay.

Chris:  Very briefly some- sorry.

Pi: Yes.

Chris: You con- you consume women?

*Silence*

Chris: Alright. Just to make it clear. We want to- erm, God, now I begin to understand why so many always get upset and-

Pi: Here it comes.

Chris: ... get upset and say that we were violence-glorifying misogynists, because we have a- a woman on the Swan Songs III cover, who has got a cello bow at her throat. Now it makes sense. (The German phrase „Jetzt wird ein Schuh draus“ for something making sense literally means „now it becomes a shoe“.)

Gared: Why a shoe?

Chris: Boah.

Pi: She is naked. Ah, although, one doesn't see her feet.

Chris: Correct.

Pi: Yes.

Chris: So, folks, we need topics now.

Pi: Yes. Just on the toilet I – I was peeing, by the way -

Gared: Yes.

Pi: Erm...

Gared: I see.

Chris: Lost some- something.

Class: First we can clink glasses, can't we?

Pi: Cheers! Central! (Somewhere there was an explanation why they always say "Zentrale" ("central").)

Class: Cheers!

Chris: Central!

Gared: Cheers! (he uses a strong diminutive for that here) Oh, well, that is .........*inaudible*........(3:18)

Class: I am curious if that tastes good.

Gared: Surely tastes like crap.

Pi: I have-

Chris: You have to know it, my experiences regarding that are limited.

Pi: Mine are nonexistent. Gerrit, please.

Chris: I’ve got children. They are limited.

Gared: ...........*inaudible*............

(3:31)

Pi: Also ..........*inaudible*.......... 

Gared: My experiences with it are like me: Limited. (He uses the word „beschränkt“ here, which can mean either „limited“ or ‚retarded“)

Chris: Klaas: "Huuuuh?"

Class: I didn’t listen.

Pi: What's this about? Who am I?

*Laughter*

Pi: Where are we? In the petting zoo. (the way he says it sounds like it could be a quote from a Bully Herbig Movie)

Chris: "Who am I?"

Gared: Shit, that tastes good. Shit that I-

Class: Good to drink, right?

Gared: Bad that I'm here by car.

Pi: "Shit tastes good." you just said, now.

Gared: I'm here by car, that's dumb.

Class: Finally we opened the beer- I mean, I opened the beer that I found, that we got in the course of the celebration of the fan club meeting... ("im Zuge" means "in the course", but could also mean "in the train".)

Gared: I thought it was a ship.

Class: ...on the fire ship as a gift.

Pi: In the course of the celebration?

Chris: In the t- in- in the train or on the ship?

Gared: Yeah, that...

Class: In the course...

*laughter*

Class: For the- the English speaking people, then... "huuuh?"

Chris: In the train of the celebration. Par- party train.

Pi: Yes, they are already for ten minutes like, "huuuh?"

Class: Yes, but they are getting their translation by someone.

Chris: Oh, yeah.

Class: Somehow...

Chris: Right, there is, here, Translation Of The Lost.

Gared: Oh yes, right.

Pi: Dude.

Chris: So crazy.

Pi: That is- that is a really crazy thing.

Class: There we can- there we can find some- we have to find a topic-

Chris: That's crazy work and they also do that in Russia for- for- for VK (Russian social network page).

Class: There we'd have to think about really... really bad, ambiguous sentences, if we were bad people.

Gared: Lots of dialect and-

Chris: Yes, listen. How are- Oha. How are- dear Translation Of The Lost team, thank you very much in advance for your work.

Gared: Yes.

Chris: How do you even translate all these troublemakers?

Pi: I would like to know that, too.

Class: Right!

Gared: And the word "Querulant" by- by itself.

Chris: I think, for that there is- there is the term "Querulant" ("trouble maker"), even if it usually means something different, we just turned...

Pi: Distorted it's meaning.

Chris: I'll actually look up, what "Querulant" means, now and in the meantime you'll finally come up with a fucking goddamn topic. ("Scheißthema" could literally be translated as "shit topic", but it doesn't mean that the topic is shit.)

Pi: Yeah, I wanted to speak for the entire time, but Klaas...

Chris: I see, sorry.

Pi: ...talks about trains, even though it was about ships and now we're at troublemakers.

Class: I didn't even... I mean... Chris did- did-

Pi: Well. Starting anew. I was just peeing.

Chris: Grumbler, barrater- barrater, grouser, belly acher, 8-ball.

Pi: Belly acher, 8-ball?

Chris: Yes.

Pi: I know that as something else.

Chris: But that-

Pi: From Slash's autobiography, of course.

Chris: And then there is also malcontent.

Gared: Ooh.

Chris: Querolous person, that's the most similar to it, griper and, wow! Querulant. But what is that? That's just an adjective. Did I pronounce that correctly? Querulant.

Class: Don’t be so querulant.

Chris: Querulant. Wait, wait.

Computer voice: Querulant.

Class: Querulant.

Chris: Querulant.

Gared: Querulant, ooh.

Pi: That is something like "squirrel".

Chris: I'll just ask Anthony if we ............*inaudible*...........

(5:47) 

Gared: Which no German can pronounce.

Pi: Squirrel!

Gared: Squirrel.

Pi: Squirrellll...

Chris: So, you have gotten a topic on the toilet.

Pi: Ouch. (laughs) Yes, exactly. I was just peeing.

Gared: What sushi do we want to order, now?

(5:57)

Pi:  ...........*inaudible*.........

There I asked- asked myself the question, when was the last moment when I had to really crazily suppress- I mean, to suppress the urge to urinate, until it hurt and that I really couldn't walk anymore, until- I mean, that it really, like-

Class: Wason the brink.

Chris: So, that, when you are finally able to put, that it-

Pi: Do you know the moment-

Chris: ...that it hurts so much that…

Pi: Yes.

Chris: ...you can't, because it- you get cramps?

Pi: Exactly. That you’re standing at the urinal or sitting on the toilet and you think to yourself „now- now I can“ and then it is so crazy-

Gared: This- that- that- you want to expand that to an entire topic?

Pi: Yes. That just came to my mind.

Chris: That is a warm entry topic.

Pi: Definitely!

Class: I’m currently contemplating…

Chris: I know when that was.

*burping*

Pi: For me or for you?

*Laughter*

Gared: Oh man.

Pi: Hey.

Class: The world's most famous podcast, here...

(6:38)

Chris: But don't do that with bass players. 

Gared: A band.

Chris: What are you saying? The most famous…

Class: At- at "Fest und flauschig" („firm and fluffy“, the  title of a podcast), they are always burping. And sometimes they are even eating, because the people like that so much.

Chris: That is the world's most famous podcast?

Gared: Ah, then is it something like A-

Class: After this new podcast, which is exclusive now.

Gared: Is that like, ASM- no, what's this shit called?

Pi: ASMR, yes.

Class: Or which are successful, for.......*inaudible*..........  

(6:56)

Pi: It has something to do with augmented reality zu tun, I believe.

Class: I thought rather ...........*inaudible*.............

Gared: I rather thought with ass-to-mouth.

Chris: Then maybe it is-

Class: Because they are successful.

Chris: Then it's just kind of an unique setting point, that we should utilise.

Pi: Yes.

Chris: Wait a moment.

Class: Well, I've got-

*drinking sounds*

Class: I see, yes. And…

*Burping*

Gared: I can't burp, unfortunately, but I can fart all the better, shall I?

Pi: No.

Class: Yes, do it alright! Although, I dunno…

Chris: Yes, then let's see now, if the clicks rock…eted up now. Wait, I'll briefly look it up…

Pi: But only at that Moment.

Chris: Right. Yes.

Pi: Then it's going down again.

Chris: So, folks, my last time peeing, that was… I don't know anymore when it was, exactly, but I know that it was on tour with is and also I terribly annoyed everyone.

*Burping*

*Laughter*

Chris: In any case, I'm the one of us with the girl bladder.

Gared: No word play with girls and blowing at this point, please. (The noun "Blasen" means "bladders", but the verb "blasen" means "blowing".)

Class: Right. That's sexist.

*Laughter*

Chris: Right. Shit, yet again. We ha- we just hate women so much.

Gared: Ooooooohhh! We also hate women so much that we-

Class: But confirmand bladder is okay, then, right? (The German phrase "Konfirmandenblase" means a weak bladder.)

Gared: We hat- we hate women so much, as is known, that we decline interviews as soon as they- as soon as they don't spread their legs.

Pi: Yes, and we became victims of calumny recently.

Chris: Okay, listen, moment. Please, let's ... part for part, so everyone gets to take part in the conversation.

Class: But I nee- that's good that it stretches a bit, because I still need the time to find out the last time I really badly-

Chris: Ex- exactly. Briefly to the peeing, well, it was an tour. Secondly, I wrote to our label just today and you have to know,... almost all of the important positions, that work in our management level, are all women, by the way. Just like that. At our label, our promo lady, our product manager,...

Class: Tour manager.

Gared: .........*inaudible*..........

(8:41)

Chris: Er, on tour we've got our tour manager and so on and so forth.

Class: Merchandise boss.

Chris: Yes, I just wanted to say that again because of it. Because even there, at Napalm, it's a running gag by now. Because they contacted me today, told me "Here is- this press photo, which you made for Swan Songs III; is it okay, too, if we use that one for advertisements in s- social media?" I'm like "Yes, of course, but why, what, huh, what's it about?" They're like "Yeah, we tried advertising with the album cover multiple times and it always gets blocked by Facebook for different reasons." I said "Yeah, yeah, the tiresome topic" and then they said "Yes, yes, we're seeing it that way, too, we all hate you very much, too, us girls here, because you hate women so much." And even at Napalm that's a running gag by now, that they- that- Of course they mean it jokingly.

Pi: Yes.

Chris: That even they as women get mad about it, erm, that this boundary sometimes becomes so blurry, that even with art, although no one gets violently assassinated on this cover and there are also no nipples to be seen, erm, it gets this far, that advertisements get blocked because of this. But that was it, actually. And the other thing, I briefly want to- maybe we should say something about that. I dont want to-

Class: Yes.

Chris: I don't want to tell any names here, even though it actually wouldn't be a problem here, since this person did, er, in fact openly...

Pi: On Facebook.

Chris: ...post it on Facebook...

Gared: And-

Chris: But we recently got accused by someone in a comment, under a fan's post he wrote something like "Ey, Lord Of The Lost are somehow the biggest wankers that I knew, erm, I worked for a small music magazine some time and made an interview appointment for Berlin or so and then I sent two ladies there for the interview and these ladies eventually got rejected as interview partners, because they didn't spread their legs for Lord Of The Lost." And then I thought, like:

Pi: Hm.

Chris: Whaaaaaaat? They didn't spread their legs? Of course we rejected them. (obviously comments like this are sarcasm!) No, ey, dude! I thought, crazy!

Gared: Yes, that is... severe.

Chris: Where I’m thinking, like, ey. Pfffff. The good thing is, we immediately answered and I also included our tour manager (he emphasizes the female word ending here) Manu and tagged her, and by the way, I also talked to her about it today…

Pi: Hmm.

Chris: ...that she – because he doesn't answer personally – actually also writes to that man herself.

Pi: Yes.

Chris: Because I really want to settle this, that is defamation, that is calumny, I don't find that funny at all.

Gared: Mhm.

Chris: And, erm, then I'd also like for us to contact the ladies, too, and ask them why they didn't spread their legs, because I didn't find that funny, too. There!

Pi: And if they'd do it now.

Chris: Yes, exactly.

Gared: And then we can also do the interview afterwards.

Pi: Yes.

Class: Now maybe you'll have to consider if the people translating this are able to actually translate the humour correctly.

Chris: Yes, attention, people who are translating this, please write something like „sarcastic laughter“ there.

Gared: Ha ha ha ha. (Yes, that was sarcastic laughter.)

Class: Yes!

Pi: "Laughs".

Chris: Yes. That- no, but what- what I find very crazy about that, to briefly explicate that in a serious manner, is, such stories are coming from something. I can't imagine that the guy sat down and made that up and said „I'll just quickly make up something, because I feel like screwing up Lord Of The Lost“. That means something must have happened, that these ladies – whoever they were, surely we will find out somehow – either had the feeling it- that was really like that, or they got rejected for some other reason and in a beer mood, or I don't know how, concocted this story, because it's very easy, t-to …

Class: Of course!

Chris: …accuse someone, with stuff like this, and told him that, „Yeah, uh, they have- uh, we have- got rejected, probably because we didn't spread our legs“, I don't know, „Chinese whispers“ (children‘s game where you hear a whispered word/sentence and whisper to another person what you (mis-) heard, and the last person says what they heard, usually completely different than what the first person said; in German it's called „stille Post“, meaning „silent mail“). So I'm really heavily interested…

Gared: Mhm.

Chris: ...in knowing, how does something like that come into existence?

Gared: Well.

Pi: Me too. First and foremost, it- maybe they were in need of some explanation, so now they needed anything and, as you say, of course that's a very easy excuse in every case, with a rock band, backstage, no, like…

Chris: Yes, one like us, especially,…

Pi: Yes, yes, totally. We’re such sex-

Chris: …that look as crazy as we do.

Pi: We are such sex, drugs, rock 'n' roll people!

Gared: Yes, unbelievable.

Pi: We even thought about giving away condoms for free at shows recently, but… please.

Gared: But who uses them, anyway?

Pi: Exactly.

Chris: Yeah, we don't, of course, that's why we don't give a crap about anything, too! (the literal translation would be „that's why everything is crap-indifferent“.)

Pi: Exactly.

Gared: Because no one spreads their legs for us, anyway.

Pi: These are- these are- no, our own stocks that we want to throw away as fast as possible. Er, exactly. No, I don't know, how something like that comes into existence, but in every case the person, who commented here, really- I don't want to offend this person now, but if you really believe that you stay unrecognised on Facebook with something like this, then you're really living…

Gared: *chuckles*

Pi: …I don't know, behind the last mountain (this German phrase „hinter dem letzten Berg“ means to be really far behind). Because, you are not even alone when you are sitting in your quiet chamber with your cellphone, because everyone is eavesdropping anyway.

Chris: Well, what we may have to tell you about that, too, is- I mean, just so you know how it works on tour, erm, when you do an interview, first, we don't set the appointment for that interview. But rather it either goes through the press department at the label or through the booking agency, tour management, no clue; in any case for a tour it runs together hat the tour management at some point. There are different contact points where one can get in touch if one wants to, so to speak, accredit oneself,... is it about sushi now, Gerrit, are you waving over there?

Gared: Yes, I didn't want to interrupt the topic, though.

Chris: Klaas doesn't partake, just make a small... for three people...

Gared: Klaas doesn't partake?

Chris: Nope.

Class: Oh, I thought that was clear. Sorry.

Gared: Well, it's Klaas. (pun, the German word "klar" for "clear" sounds like "Klaas" without the "s".)

Chris: This.

Gared: Soup? Mushi- er, miso soup? (He mixed "Sushi" and "Miso" and the word he created sounds similar to the German "Muschi", meaning "pussy". Unclear if that was intended. Class chuckled a bit, the others didn't seem to notice.)

Chris: Gladly, yes.

Gared: Then we may have.....*inaudible*........

(14:05)

Chris: We still pay it from our band cash, there.

Class: Yes, of course.

Chris: Yes. You see. Just like that.

Gared: Oooh.

Chris: No, listen. To get back to- Yeah, just make a- ah, just make a kinda thing for three- three and a half people, I'm hungry.

Gared: So, sixteen- six-

Chris: So, four.

Gared: Sixty pieces total? Plus soup? So, twenty?......*inaudible*.......

(14:18)

Class: Six- sixty pieces?

Chris: Sixty pieces? That's like an evening on tour!

Gared: This.

Chris: I- i- if one has an interview, sixty-two. No, erm, quickly, to get to this in seriousness, that means, one does the- the- the accreditation and then it is like- I don't know, the interview happens on site then or, well... it doesn't, that can happen sometimes, for example, someone arrives too late and one has another interview already or sound check or... actually something like eating or showering or free time and then on can't make the interview anymore,...

*telephone sound*

Chris: ...where people often get upset, because they drove a long way, but... it's just like that with appointments, sometimes it's just not possible anymore. And also there, the one who brings the people in to the interwiew, almost always that's the tour management, in Germany or other parts of Europe mostly Manu, too, in other countries someone else, erm, that means a rejection must have been coming from Manu. You see, THERE is the problem. SHE said "Girls, if you don't..."

Class: "Just say-"

Chris: "If you don't spread your legs for the boys, then the interview can-" That-

Gared: Or-

Chris: Our tour manager is the problem. Alright.

Gared: SHE didn't want to spread her legs- ah, no, nonsense. I- I'm confusing something there.

Chris: No, my point is that- that even technically we are not the ones, im- imagine being- really being in an interview, says: "Girls, you want to interview us? Spread legs? No? Then you'll leave- leave again."

Pi: The eighties are gone, folks. Guns 'n' roses is old.

Chris: But it's a cool story for an autobiography, I have to admit, I'll remember that one!

Pi: Yes.

Chris: I'm putting it in there, as well, just like that. Because I want half of my autobiography to be a novel.

Pi: Yes. Here you know what is real, now.

Gared: Yes.

Pi: Oh gosh. ("Gottchen" is a diminuitive of "Gott" meaning "God".)

Chris: No, it's really hard, I'm curious about what's next. So, erm, we are after that, because defamation, -famation... (he misspoke "üble Nachrede" ("defamation") as "üble Nachredle" and then jokingly said it in a Swiss dialect, because in  Swiss-German the ending "-le" is often used.)

Class: -redle.

Chris: Oha, defa- defamation, I don't like that, too, there I think to myself, go shitting. (in a Swiss dialect, the last part is Viennese, though.)

Pi: Hehehe. Cheers!

Chris: Yes.

Gared: *sighs*

Chris: But we were at peeing, originally.

Pi: Exactly.

Gared: Also, we are at sushi again, briefly. Do we have a com- er, company ec card?

Chris: Yes.

Gared: Somewhere?

Pi: Cool.

Chris: We do. Yes.

Gared: Er, you have to.... a few, here...

Chris: Don't we have a cay- company PayPal, too, with which we could... something...

Pi: Yes.

Gared: Cash or ec......*inaudible*.....

(16:31)

Class: The best thing would be instant bank transfer, which is normally also possible.

Chris: Just let Klaas have a go at that, ey.

Gared: Cash and...

Chris: By the way, Klaas is - for those of you who don't know that - our Finance Minister.

Class: Or it just works with Lieferando (delivery service).

Gared: There is cash and ec. But that's okay, though.

Chris: As long as you have a hundred euro note in cash with you for the delivery guy.

Pi: All possible.

Class: *pondering noises* I see, then it's probably only possible with Lieferando.

Gared: Possibly, yes. But I'm actually stumped now, there.

Chris: Gerrit. Why does......*inaudible*.......

Class: Ec card on delivery, what should I do now? They extra wrote "on delivery".

Pi: Yeah, I do have a band ec card with me!

Class:  Yes, so everything's fine, then.

Gared: Yeah, why does Klaas have to have a look at it then?

Pi: Because Klaas is the Finance Minister.

Chris: Folks, now I have- I mean, now I really have no...

Gared: So.

Chris: I mean...

Gared: Yes. You'll put your strange directions in here, now, in your castle here, west wing, er, left gate, whatever.

Chris: So can we continue talking about the peeing thing now?

Gared: Snob. Ermmm... (word play; "Feiner Pinkel" means "snob", while "pinkeln" means "to pee")

Class: I can't think of anything at the moment. Do I have to.....*inaudible*.......

(17:10)

Gared: ......*inaudible*........

Class: No, that .......*inaudible*.........

Pi: For me- for me it is really long ago yet, in any case, erm, I was on a car ride with my mother in her very old Opel Corsa at that time, a red Opel Corsa, and the problem was, that's- that's why one couldn't- that's why I couldn't go to the toilet, because, er, at that time on the way back from my grandmother somewhere on the motorway the exhaust pipe fell off. And then we stood there and little Pi had to pee. Pee Pi pee. And...

Gared: Pp very hard. (The German word "Pipi" sounds like the English "pp")

Pi: Pipi very urgent. Erm... yeah, and then I stood there and tried to distract myself somehow with playing Pokémon on the back seat, but it hurt so much. And until the ADAC ("Allgemeiner Deutscher Automobil-Club", "General German Automobile Club", an association that helps you if your car is damaged) was there and we were at an urinal some time... that was...

Class: Woudln't you have to have left the car, that's why I first thought, you rather had...

Pi: Yes, we noticed that very late.

Class: Ah, okay. Because-

Pi: Yes.

Class: Because I think...

Pi: It was already spraying sparks.

Class: I was surprised, because you have nature at your feet and still don't go to the toilet. Because normlly at the motorway you have to get behind the barrier, usually, into the nature.

Gared: Did you order?

Pi: No! Why?

Chris: Well, I don't know if you still had anything to do.

Pi: Yes! But... well... yes!

Gared: Nope.

Pi: I had- I already was so- in such a peeing mood, that I was completely in a daze. And didn't think about being able to just pee anywhere.

Chris: Erm, well, an entirely different question:

Pi: Yes.

Chris: Can you remember the last time you wet the bed?

Class: N-

Gared: As-as a part of some kink or normally?

Pi: That... you can leave that undisclosed. By the way, everyone has a fetish free. Doesn't matter.

Chris: That's not a fetish, that's a kink.

Gared: Correct.

Pi: Where-

Gared: Because a fetish includes objects.

Chris: Yes.

Pi: Is that so?

Chris: Aha!

Gared: A kink-

Chris: Well, Gerrit, now it's your turn.

Gared: A kink is actually something, like, just in your head, just like that, I don't know. Your favorite position is a kink.

Pi: Aha.

Class: Aha.

Gared: But a fetish inclu-

Pi: But my favorite position also includes-

Gared: Then your ......*inaudible*.......includes......*inaudible*.......

(19:00)

Chris: A woman is not an object!

Class: ....*inaudible*.....n Kink......*inaudible*......

Pi: Why does it immediately have to be a woman?

Chris: Er, a man is not an object! That! An object of desire, maybe, that!

Gared: That!

Pi: Yes, okay. I understood.

Gared: Yes.

..............................(19:12)

.......*inaudible*.........

.............................

Pi: ............. Now again. Thank you, Dr. Sommer. Gerrit. ("Dr. Sommer" ("Dr. Summer") is the pseudonym of a team of doctors and psychologists that answer sex-related questions for  readers of the teen magazine "Bravo")

Chris: If- if the other person is wearing something, now, for example, let's say, a satin...

Gared: Negligee.

Chris: ...French knickers... something... thingy (explaining noises). So, freely shat (no typo) from the hip.

Class: But then clothing is...

Chris: Yes...

Pi: Exactly.

Chris: Is- is clothing a fetish, because it is an object on a- whatsit, woman??

Class: Yeah, but it is- it is- that- yeah, then yes.

Chris: Man?

Class: If you- if you would...

Gared: I'd say so.

Class: ...prefer taking her from behind as soon as she wears clothes, then it's rather the kink.

Gared: This. The- the- the...

Class: After the fetish.

Chris: And if I'm into peeing in latex, then is it a kink or a fetish or both?

Class: That's a fetish because it is connected to latex.

Gared: This.

Pi: Yes.

Chris: But the peeing-

Pi: In such- in such a full-on latex suit, peeing into it, or what?

Chris: Yes.

Gared: Yes. A fekink.

Chris: I didn't try that yet, but...

Pi: No, me neither.

Chris: Er... so...

Gared: It is both, it is a fink.

Class: Or a ketish.

..........*inaudible*..........

(20:12)

Chris: You little mudlark. (Word play, "Schmutzfink" means "dirt finch".)

..........*inaudible*............

......................................

Gared: I know.

Class: A kinktish.

Pi: Kinktish.

Gared: A kinktish.

Pi: A kinktish.

Chris: Okay, but weren't we just somewhere else?

(20:20)

........*inaudible*.......

Pi: On eBay Kleinanzeigen ("eBay classifieds", a subsidiary of eBay), "Kink table for sale". (The German Word "Tisch" means table, so "Kinktisch" would be a "kink table")

Gared: At peeing... erm, strongly... or whenever.

Pi: Bed. Into.

Gared: Ah, yes, yes, exactly.

........................

Chris: Now, really a serious question. Because I...

Gared: No.

Class: I just know that some time, I don't know, 15 years ago I stood in my flatmate's room and wanted to go to the toilet. Then he said "But the toilet isn't here."

Gared: Ouuuuh.

Chris: I see, sleepwalking at night.

Class: Yes.

Chris: There I've got a funny story, too.

Class: But that was it, too, with- somehow… so, I didn't pee into the bed there yet. I think, peeing into the bed, I can't remember that anymore.

Gared: Me neither.

Chris: So, I know that I...

Class: Vomiting into the bed, maybe.

Chris: ...as- as an adult...

Pi: Yes, or in...

Chris: ...wetted the bed some time. And that was, like th- this typical- I don’t know if you are familiar with that, I always had that as a child, if one… peed into the bed, I had that in my school years once in a while, I dreamt about going to the toilet.

Gared: Ooh.

Chris: And then sat on the toilet and peed.

Pi: Mhm.

Class: Aaaah.

Chris: Just like when you sometimes dream that you are thirsty and you're drinking and drinking and… and you- and- and that doesn't satisfy you, I also have that sometimes and th-

Class: Of course.

Chris: Then you wake up with a really dry throat and you think „Oh fuck, I have to drink something.“ Exactly like that I dreamt – in fact I still know that from childhood – that I'm on the toilet peeing. And then you’re sitting there, peeing and the urge is very strong and then this feeling of relief and suddenly there is this strange- everything is so wet and then…

Pi: Yes.

Chris: ...you are waking up and in a very strange way it blends from this dream…

Class: Ah.

Chris: ...of sitting on the toilet,...

Pi: That’s so cruel, yes. Yes yes.

Chris: ...into this- urgh...

Gared: Also, that is ultimate- ultimately the working principle of wet dreams, right?

Chris: Yes, but… to be honest, I had…

Class: Working principle?

Chris: Also interesting: I never had a wet dream…

Gared: Really?

Chris: ...in the proper sense. Wet dream doesn't mean that you just dream something hot, but that you also  wake up and have ejaculated.

Gared: Exactly.

Chris: I had-

Gared: You wake up virtually during that.

Chris: Funnily, I've actually never had that.

Gared: Really not?

Chris: I mean, my only wet dream was peeing.

Class: Me neither. One or two times.

Gared: It's a very strange sensation.

Pi: I never had that, nope.

Class: I had that at 15, 16, like.

Gared: Yes, yes, so the- classic. I mean, me- me too, certainly. When I …………………. For the last time  ........................

(22:03)

Chris: Well, I had- I mean, I've got sex dreams, now as before,…

Gared: Yes.

Chris: ...but I don’t have...

Gared: Everything’s fine, then.

Chris: No, but- but I- I always wanted to experience it, how that feels if you come in your sleep, just like that, without… I don’t know, does one touch oneself, then, does one jack off, while one sleeps, like… or…?

Class: No.

Gared: .........................

(22:20)

Pi: Really?

Class: It just comes.

Gared: ......................

Class: it just comes. Just- it comes.

Pi: Really, that works just by…

Gared: Yes, yes, yes.

Class: Yes.

Gared: That is really weird.

Chris: Crazy.

Class: Well, in the end it is…

Pi: Without friction?

Class: Er...

Gared: Hands free.

Class: Plainly a mental thing, then. 

Gared: Yes.

Chris: ................. horny, then, or what?

(22:30)

Class: Because you get a hard-on anyway.

Gared: Very- very tantric, actually.

Pi: Yes. Very often per night, even.

Class: Yes. Nine- nine times at least, on average, I believe.

Gared: Yes, nine times per night.

Chris: That- that is also a problem. How- how… do you know that, when you wake up in the morning and you have, like a… like, have- I mean, I don’t always have morning wood…

Class: Nope. It depends.

Chris: One has to talk ………………, too, yes. But if you have such- such a really hard one, where the muskrat's tooth is softer,… (there is a German rhyme saying that a muskrat’s tooth is hard, but morning wood is harder.)

Gared: A so-called "raging boner"!

Chris: …and you need to pee really bad at the same time.

Class: Hmm.

Pi: Oh man.

Chris:  Standing up drops out; drops out anyway, but even more then, unless you-

Class: Yeeeah, but it doesn't stay forever.

Chris: It- it-

Pi: Yes! But imagine having to pee really bad!...................

(23:04)

......*inaudible*.......

Chris: No, the problem is-

Gared: Klaas!

Class: Yes!

Gared: Obviously not.

Class: Yes.

Chris: The problem is, of you have to pee really, really bad and you are sitting down and you HAVE to sit down then; so I always solve the problem by… leaning my upper body to the front, because then you can bend your member…

Class: That's true. Yes.

Gared: There-

Pi: Yes.

Chris: ...into the bowl more easily.

Pi: Yes, that's what I mean. I’m doing that, too.

Gared: There- there is a- there is a really beautiful, er, a…

Chris: But I'm frequently peeing through the…

Gared: ...a chart...

Chris: ...through the toil- er, like, under the toilet seat, between, I mean…

Gared: There- there is- there is a really funny chart for that…

Class: Really?

Gared: ...which I- erm, the possibilities, that…

Chris: Wait, can I just finish there, first?

Gared: It's gross.

Chris: Sometimes, when one is still half asleep then, and one can't get the thing bent into the toilet properly…

Class: Yes.

Chris: ...then I sometimes pee…

Class: In between.

Gared: Yes, yes!

Chris: …through in between the toilet...

…………………………..

(23:41)

Chris: …and the toilet porcelain bowl.

Class: Yes! Okay...

Chris: And only notice it afterwards, like „Oh. Darn.“

Gared: Getting warm around the feet.

*Laughter*

Gared: But there- there is this really beautiful chart that I found in- in the depths of the internet at some point, of the different possible ways, rather positions, so to speak, how one is able to manage that and, erm, the thing that proved itself to be the most useful, seems to be doing the Superman, meaning, like planks kinda over the toilet, so it… (probably referring to this picture: https://i.imgur.com/L4Y5wuV.png )

Pi: Just points straight in there.

Gared: Exactly.

Pi: Yes.

Chris: Well, I find the most useful just to pee in the shower.

Gared: This.

Chris: Because it-

Gared: Also there are- there are two kinds of humans.

Chris: Yes.

Class: Do you mean into- into the shower, like…

Pi: Those who do it and those who don't admit it.

Gared: Exactly.

Chris: No, while- while showering. Exactly. Well, there are- exactly, exactly.

Class: That means every time you wake ago with a hard-on, you… shower?

Chris: Well, not like that...

Pi: Only then!

Chris: Yes! That means, if- if-

Pi: Almost every morning, then.

Chris: If I’m stinking really badly, you know, this morning it was soft.

Pi: Yeah, yeah. Just doesn't stand anymore.

Class: Yes, yes, of course.

Gared: Well, as one gets older, that is, er…

Pi: Yes. But I'm doing it like that, too. I'm leaning forward as far as I can, thank God I'm relatively flexible, so my… my- my, er, willy… actually goes almost straight downwards. It's really good.

Gared: Imagine the possibilities.

Class: Eeeeeeerrrrr...

Chris: Does out also dock onto the water surface…? Like, ........................

(24:56)

Pi: Depends on the water level. (More quiet) It has to be very high, then.

Gared: Well, there is the theory- there is the theory, that the, erm, especially the morning wood that one wakes up with, erm, that that is actually connected to the body preventing you from involuntarily pissing, because you extremely have to piss.

Chris: In any case, er, in fact it’s like that, it somehow blocks itself,…

Gared: Exactly.

Chris: …so the urethra is kept shut by the erectile tissue in every case.

Gared: Then the valve is closed. (Pun, the German word for „valve“ is „Hahn“, which is pronounced like „Harn“, meaning „Urine“.)

Class: Awesome.

Chris: I- I believe it is also important for not "I've pissed into her" while banging,... (in a Berlin dialect)

(25:25)

Class:..............................

Class: Oh, yes.

Chris: Isn't it?

Class: To devise this  whole thing a little bit further, er, a few days ago, though, I had, to stick to the subject…

Chris: That was meant completely seriously with this- so- very- very quickly, this urine thing…

Class: I see.

Chris: …that is meant- is meant to be blocked.

Class: Of course. Absolutely.

Chris: We already had- just a quick question to that.

Class: Yes.

Chris: Erm...

Gared: You’re looking at me like that at the same time.

Pi: Gerrit! Gerrit, the omniscient.

Gared: Although...

Class: Doctor Heinemann!

Pi: The all-pissing. (Pun . „Der Allwissende“ is „the omniscient“, while „der Allpissende“ would mean „the all-pissing)..............................

(25:47)

Chris: No, actually I don’t have a quaint, I just wanted to briefly say something about that in conclusion from my point of view.

Pi: Ah.

Chris: Now, especially for those who don't know that much about morning wood, because they might not have one, for anatomical reasons, erm, at least for me it has something to do with sexual arousal in the rarest cases, but that is actually just…

Gared: That's just hormones.

Chris: Yeah, so, I'm not- I'm not horny or something like that, then, but rather that thing-

Pi: Hm.

Class: It's also a kind of test function of the body, I believe......................

(16:10)

Chris: MOT.

Class: Well, no, but it's a fact that, er… and-

Pi: Actually, I don‘t  know precisely about that.

Class: And the erectile tissue, the vessels, ensure that the urethra is closed, then.

Chris: Well.

Class: So. Eeeerm...

Pi: Straw closed ..........................

(26:22)

Chris: Alright, but now ................................

Class: So, regarding  waking up and dreaming, one, two days ago I had that, that I thought, somehow, I am somewhere and suddenly the sun shines there and that's really like… where I really wandered around, like „that can't be!“ and stuff. And then I woke up and then- in that moment, because I thought…

Chris: Because it was completely bright.

Class: Yes, exactly. Because, exactly, like, one- a ray of light just shone into your face. And that one also processes that in one’s dream…

Gared: ...processes that, yes, excatly.

Class: So, in the end, of you have a hard-on, that it also goes into your head and that…

Gared: It's not that big.

Class: ...that it’s your body's experiences, that you implement into your dreams, depending on how deep you are sleeping. Now I don't know exactly if that's rather the dreams when you are on the brink of waking up.

Gared: Well, first and foremost, you don't know that anymore…

Pi: ......................... mostly in the deep sleep phase?

(27:04)

Gared: ...So often you just don't remember dreams they are- as soon as you wake up, they are just gone,…

Pi: Yes.

Gared: ... You are dreaming much more than you know.

Chris: Begs the question if that thing especially in the morning- in the morning hours, if it gets hard because of a- of a…

Class: Dream?

Chris: Neurological reflex, like, I mean, there is any- is something like a- like a horny dream, or if it's actually just like that, that somehow, because you have to pee, the bladder presses onto the erectile tissue… Surely there are studies. Surely there are-

Gared: I've heard that- heard that, too, that…

Chris: Morning wood studies.

Gared: ...in fact somehow it partially presses onto the prostate or the like.

Chris: Yes.

Gared: Which apparently is very… somehow very much linked together.

Chris: Yes, isn't it fascinating what  kinds of shit the body does, ey.

Gared: It is fascinating. I, er…

Class: I find cool that the body also prepares itself for many things and simply stays in training.

Pi: In some cases that's remarkable, folks.

Class: Crazy, now.

Chris: Do women also have something like that, like, something on the morning, that something… on the morning…

Gared: No, they are totally boring.

Chris: But it- we- then we hate women, that- I mean, they…

Class: Yeeeeeh.

Chris: …are totally irrelevant to us.

Class: Yes, women probably have something like that, too, but, er, for them it’s pronounced differently, of course.

Chris: Morning woodsie? (the term „Morgenlättchen“ can't be accurately translated, it is a diminutive of „Morgenlatte“, meaning „morning wood“.)

Class: Well, I mean, they… they have different…

Gared: Morning- morning pud- puddlesie. (Again he used a diminutive here, saying „Morgenpfützchen“ instead of „Morgenpfütze“, meaning „morning puddle“)

Class: ...Dude!

Gared: What? Wet dream… literally.

Class: Yeah, you, I… I don’t know.

Chris: So, I have to say, if I had a café where they served caffè latte, in any case I would always offer the morning latte special. (Pun, „morning latte“ is „Morgenlatte“, thus the same word as for „morning wood“.)

I've never seen that anywhere yet. Morning latte  €3,20.

Pi: That's cool.

Gared: Yep.

Chris: I find that really cool, no? One morning latte (or morning wood), please.

Class: Yes.

Gared: At home I‘m getting one for free.

Class:  This is indeed a completely different thing again, if I had a shop that sells soups, and of course I'm a kind of…

Chris: Soup Kasper. (the term „Suppenkasper“ describes a finicky  eater, originating from a character called Kasper from a children's book, who died because he didn't want to eat his soup.)

Class: …the rock- like- No. Soupculture. (In German it's „Suppkultur“, which sounds exactly like „Subkultur“.)

Gared: ...................................

(28:39)

Chris: Upperklaas' soupculture, yes?

Class: But I find it…

Pi: Supperklaas.

Class: Supper...

Chris: That's similar to my-

Class: Last supper.

Chris: ...to my wish, if I had a bar in Hamburg, I would- not-Hamburgians don't know that, we have the „Hamburger Sparkasse“ („savings Bank of Hamburg“), short HaSpa. But HASS-BAR („HATE BAR“)!

Class: *approving noise*

Chris: There is- a hate-bar, which does also have virtually the same lettering… also this red and then you go in there and in the hate-bar it's cold, uncomfortable, the people are unfriendly, also you just get served if you’re unfriendly,…

Class: And- and they- and they are wearing neckties, the people in the bar.

Chris: There is very bad- ba- loud music in very bad quality, like, everything’s really shitty in the hate-bar.

Pi: That’s cool. Really shitty.

Class: And they have be right next to the HaSpa.

Pi: Yes.

Chris: I mean, you also just get let in, if you…threaten the bouncer…

Gared: Yell at them.

Chris: Or something like that.

Class: The HaSpa has redecorated and that, I mean the HaSpa Reeperbahn, so…

Pi: Mm.

Class: ...everyone's great there, everything's fantastic, but they rather made a place of encounter out of it. With a table where you can sit…

Gared: Hmm.

Pi: Yes, it's the same in the Schanze (he means the Sternschanze, a district in Hamburg.)

Class: And a bit with culture and paintings and the like

Pi: You can also take a coffee there.

Class: There never is anyone, I have the feeling, who makes use of this cultural program there.

Pi: Well, maybe-

Gared: Well, it just has to yield results first off.

Pi: Maybe there was something coming like around the corner from the… what do I know… I just wanted to say social media department, no, what do I know.

Gared: Marketing.

Pi: Feng Shui- thank you, meng- marketing department and said „We have to slap out money one- once more.“

Chris: I have to say, though, if you come  in there now, looking at it, even if there is no point sitting there now, and notices it, if one just says „You can wait here“, it actually feels different than…

Class: Yeeaaah. That's true.

Chris:  …like it was at the HaSpa a few years ago, when you come in, this weird reception desk, „What do you want? Yes, up, down, left over there, queue up there.“ Or you go in in general, in the past the banks were like that, there was this weird carpenting downstairs,…

Gared: Really- really nice it was always at the post office.

Chris: Mouse grey, dust grey, blue grey, they had it all.

Class: Yes.

Gared: I could also throw in a joyful ash grey.

Pi: Yes.

Chris: And the post offices were – I believe – one of the first ones to start being so stylish, suddenly they had these cool lamps, with these…

Class: They were one of the first ones that don't exist anymore, then, right?

Chris: Yes.

Gared: They were really low in terms of employees, though; they still are.

Pi: Yeah...

Gared: They’re still these total GDR clerks…

Class: But there are actually…

Chris: Well, there are ...............................

(30:43)

Gared: Apologies to all of you out there who work at the Post (he means the Deutsche Post company here) or Postbank (post office bank), but this is just service desert Germany to the power of ten.

Chris: Well, at least the ones that we know, yes- it has to- I mean, by now there is no post office anymore, I mean, now the post office is virtually the kiosk, where you... buy the cola light for yourself, like...

Pi: Yes.

Class: I've just brought a registered letter there.

Gared: Man. (The term "Mensch" literally means "human".)

Pi: Cool!

Chris: I mean- that is just- if you... at the... at the - in quotation marks "post office", which are here or the "post office", "post offices" in plural - you drop a package there and they throw it onto this pile there.

Pi: Mm.

Chris: Directly next to the entrance door sometimes, for everyone to take it with them, and you think, like, so, that is...

Gared: And they do the whole thing with such a face.

Chris: That is even arrives sometimes, SOMETIMES, is rather- is rather astounding.

Gared: Remarkable.

Pi: Yes. Surely.

Gared: And also boozing-provoking. (Word play; he said "besäufniserregend" instead of "besorgniserregend", which would mean "concerning".)

Chris: That's very boozing-provoking.

Class: Boozing-provoking !

Chris: Ha- we still don't have a topic for the podcast, right?

Pi: No, but we're already talking! .......................

(31:30)

Class: ................................

Gared: ..........................

Pi: ........................ ten minutes or so.

Class: But we also don't have pee anymore, I believe. I mean... or do we?

Chris: Do we want to call Nik, by chance, and get a few trouble makers explained?

Class: Yeah, okay, yes.

Pi: Uuuuuhhhh, yeah.

Class: Make it ready, then.

Chris: Just by the way, in the meantime.

Pi: Yes. Okay.

Chris: Does someone call him?

Gared: Yes, you stay on standby because of the sushi guy.

Chris: Er, you didn't put- didn't state my phone number.

Gared: Ah, right, my- my phone number, right, I stated my phone number.

Chris: This.

Gared: But your e-mail.

Pi: This.

Chris: F- four people-

Class: Are you currently calling? Else I'll do that.

Chris: Four people, ten cellphones on the table here.

Pi: Yes, I'm just searching for Niklas Kahl here at the moment... Nik Kahl.

Chris: Or just call anyone else.

Class: That would be funny, too, we could just do that some time.

Chris: Telephone joker. Schulle or so. ("Telefonjoker" refers to a quiz show where a participant has the chance to call someone once, so that person can help with the answer. "Schulle" means Daniel Schulz from Unzucht.)

Pi: So. Right.

Chris: Moin.

Class: Yes.

Gared: Yes, hey.

Pi: Call.

Chris: Or Joey or so.

Class: Well. Long-distance-call. Reverse charge call. Then we have to call the women who have to replug...

*dial tone*

Class: ...these studs.

Gared: Good that it doesn't distort.

Pi: It distorts.

Gared: I see.

*dial tone*

Chris: The main thing is that it doesn't crackle like the last time, no?

Class: Well, we don't know that yet.

Chris: Right. Does it even still run? Does the tape run?

Gared: Quite so, it runs.

Nik: Pi Stoffers!

Chris: Hello!

Pi: Niklas Kahl, hello!

Nik: Hello!

Chris: We're doin- we're doing a podcast at the moment and we are direly in need of an explanation for a few trouble makers.

Pi: Yes.

Nik: Yes, of course!

Chris: Yes.

Pi: Y'know, right?

Chris: Okay, erm, so, we're starting. Fighting stick. ("Kampfstock")

Nik: Pa- pardon? Again.

Chris: Fighting stick!

Nik: Fighting stick.

Pi: Yes.

Gared: *whispering* Oh shit.

Nik: Er... er, that is, erm...

Chris: Would you like to first pronounce how it's called correctly?

Nik: I see, stomp cock. ("Stampfcock")

Chris: Yes. stomp cock. This.

Nik: Yes. ... Yes. Er, that, er, I- er, that has- er, learned that in my apprenticeship as a cook, erm, in business English. That is an English form of a mashed potato cook, who is only specialied- er, specialized on that, though. ("mashed potatoes" are sometimes called "Stampfkartoffeln" which would literally tranlate to "stomp-potatoes"; for the explanation Nik uses the term "Kartoffelbrei", meaning "potato pulp".)

Chris: Mhm. And what does it have to do with "cock"- I mean, "cock" because of cook?

Gared: It's a malapropism, somehow.

Nik: Yeah, no, no that- that is- this- this term actually comes, er, from approximately around 1700... I believe, it was '43.

Chris: Indogermanic.

Nik: Ar, at that time is was still called- at that ti- no, at that time is was still about "cook", "to cook", yes, but with the passage of time, lore, you know that, and well, then it became stomp cock.

Chris: Ah yes. Ah yes. Okay. Good.

Pi: Sounds plausible.

Chris: Then, you will especially like that, also for the first time it is one with three words: draught beer. ("Bier vom Fass")

Nik: *laughs* Four by the bass? ("vier vom Bass")

Chris: Four by the bass, right.

Nik: Yes.

Gared: Oohhh. Yes. Yes, you are the specialist there, actually.

Nik: That- that is, here, er... are- aren't they- they are called Deichkind, aren't they? (German Band)

Chris: Exactly, right! Right!

Nik: Yes.

Chris: 100 points! Erm...

Nik: You see?

Chris: This one isn’t that easy: er, belly fat. („Bauchfett“)

Gared: *whispering very quietly* Hissing bed.  („Fauchbett“)

Nik: Hissing bed.

Chris: Yeah, one knows that, if the bed is hissing. But wh-

Nik: Yes.

Chris: Why?

Gared: Yes, I believe-

Nik: I've constantly got that. I always say „That’s the bed“. After bean soup, I've got that.

*laughing, especially Pi*

Chris: I- I believe, I-

Gared: That is probably just such a cat bed, and you know how they react; if one even brings the hand close to them once, they are… is-  immediately the hand is off.

Chris: Erm, I also have another thing with, er, bed, erm, ready for bed. („bettfein“).

*laughing*

Nik: Erm, I've got no explanation for that.

Chris: No? Fa- fat leg… („Fettbein“).

Nik: How could that even happen? (34:58)

Chris: Fat leg,  fat leg... Maybe something like knuckle of pork (in German „Eisbein“, meaning „ice leg“) or f…

Pi: Fat leg.

Nik: Fat leg. Yeah, but that is…

Chris: Or that's self-explanatory, you say.

Nik: The thing is that the- that most people who are really, truly fat, I mean for example a- a Reiner Calmund (German football manager who, at some point, weighed 160-180 kg) or the like, they are mostly very thin again at the bottom.

Chris: Yes.

Nik: So, they have like…

Gared: Okay.

Nik: …very rangy legs, so very, like, like, like, like lanky, spindly, how is it called? Thin.

Chris: Well, just like Obelix, right? He had-

Class: They have a „schett farts“, though. (he interchanged the first letters here like in a troublemaker, saying „Schettfürze“ instead of „Fettschürze“ („fat apron“). „Schett“ isn't an actual word and „Fürze“ means „farts“)

Nik: He also has very thin legs, exactly. That's why the- the ter- the terminology „fat leg“- I can't… anything whatsoever- I mean I never saw anyone who only has fat legs and was very lean above.

Chris: So… by this, do you want to say that this troublemaker is virtually a fake?

Nik: ...Yes.

Chris: That’s right! Right. Right.

Gared: Right answer by Niklas Kahl.

Chris: But there- there is another troublemaker with “bed“, erm… ready for bed. (he uses a different word here:  „bettfertig“, which means the same as „bettfein“.)

*laughter*

Nik: Well, tha- that- that-

Class: That’s Niklas.

Nik: That's me if I don’t shower for a week on tour.

Chris: Then- then- then you are fat-bearded. („fettbärtig“)

Nik: Yes.

Chris: Okay and now we've got another one, we've already talked very much about penises and erections today, erm…

Nik: Nice.

Chris: That's why this one fits very well: range. („Reichweite“)

*Silence, then laughter*

Nik: Yes, so, a soft-riding („Weichreite“)… erm, if one-

*laughter*

*burping*

Nik: ...if one… continuously for two days, three days, then it becomes a soft-riding at some point.

Chris: Right. And now we still have got a last point, that fits like the fist onto the, erm… (The phrase „wie die Faust auf's Auge passen“ („to fit like the fist onto the eye“) means to be a perfect fit) Labia.(„Schamlippe“)

Nik: *laughing* Erm… lame-shovel. („Lahmschippe“)

Chris: Yes.

Nik: Erm...

Gared: Oouh.

Nik: Erm…they are construction workers in- in the first year of training, who aren't especially- aren't especially fast and, er, that- yes. They- they are indeed considered a lame-shovel there sometimes; you can't make use of them yet, that's why there can only be one of them in every construction team, because else- else they get nothing done.

Gared: Now, what it's the opposite of- of a- of a- of a lame-shovel, then?

Chris: Er, a- a- a- a fast-shovel?

Gared: Fast-shov-…? *Unconvinced noise*

Nik: Hm, yes, why?

(37:10)

Gared: I rather thought something that you can, like, turn around AGAIN, then.

Chris: Yes. We’ll have to do a bit more of research, I believe.

Pi: Yes.

Gared: Right.

Chris: You, I- I've got another one, also for the Eng- the English-

Nik: But there is- but there also is- erm, briefly to the- to the-

Chris: Yes.

Nik: ...to the thing with- Gerrit, good that you addressed that…

Gared: Thank you.

Nik: There is, to the, er, well, that- that is, er, there are these gradations, right, so from the second year of training on, they know how to handle these, they get more done then, then they are pair-shovels. („Paarschippen“, reference to a dating app called „Parship“, which claims in its advertisements that every 11 minutes a single falls in love through Parship.)

Gared: Ah yes, of course.

Nik: Yes!

Chris: Aaah.

*laughter*

Chris: But you do know that- that Gerrit signed off of Parship now, because he didn't want to fall in love every 11 minutes anymore.

Gared: This.

Nik: I just wanted to ask, now who falls in love every 11 minutes, then, that is quite ..................

(37:42)

Pi: Yeah, always just ONE single! (The German language doesn't differentiate between „a“ and „one“.)

Chris: Yeah, Gerrit doesn't anymore, not.

Pi: This! Really stupid!

Gared: Right, one single and this single that one always reads on posters…

Nik: I see.

Gared: ...that is me!

Nik: I didn't open the mail, but maybe THAT'S why they contacted me earlier.

Gared: Because I signed off there now, now it's your turn.

Chris: Exactly, we have-

Gared: Yes, you,...

Nik: Yeah.

Gared: ...have fun.

Chris: We did a letter of recommendation for you… Er, you, I've still got ONE more, just to also find back for a bit… also in terms of genre… parking time. („Parkdauer“)

Gared: Wow.

Pi: Yes, wow.

Nik: Ha, what was it?

Chris: PARKING TIME.

Nik: Dark power?

Chris: Yeeees!

Nik: Yes, well, hello, I find, in- in times of Black Power and White Power, everyone should have a power and we just happen to be dark power. Hello?

Chris: All right. Good, yes. Thank you very much, Nik…

Pi: For sure, Nik.

Chris: …for the explanation of the troublemakers.

Gared: Thank you very much.

Pi: Yes.

Nik: Well...

Chris: Would you still like to say anything or should we send a piece of sushi to you to Osterode or something like that?

Nik: Yes, send it to me, er, er, er, via fax, please! Send- I mean, of you don’t have paper anymore, I can quickly mail some to you. But just send it to me via fax, all well, and if you need any more emotional support, er, just call me, the, er, dictionary.

Gared: Yes.

Pi: Yes.

Chris: Do you have- do you still want to greet anyone, we won't cut it out, too.

(laughter)

Class: (directed at the audience) You couldn't see that now.

Gared: Stage direction, at this point it got hung up.

Chris: Now we hung up, unfortunately.

Gared: Awwww.

Class: Mhm.

Pi: Hm.

Chris: Y'know, I'll quickly say sorry to him.

Gared: No, we don't.

Pi: Sorry.

Chris: Yes, I'll do that. Wait.

Pi: Sorry, 't was funny.

Chris: Nik...

Class: I think he understood it.

Gared: I don’t think so.

Pi: He already wrote.

Chris: Sorry, Nik.

Class: ..............................

(39:16)

Chris: Alright. Shall we finally find a topic for this podcast?

Pi: Yes,

Chris: Okay.

Gared: *sighs*

Class: Codpast.

Chris: Codpast.

Class: It's not that funny, right?

Pi: No.

Gared: Kot-Past („dung-past“).

Pi: Yes.

Chris: Yeah, but also not- not entirely…

Pi: It's not- not unfunny.

Chris: ...unfunny.

*Silence*

Gared: Well, so, what are you doing on Christmas?

Pi: What's your favourite cake?

Gared: *more insistently* What are you doing on Christmas?

Pi: Hello, ...................?

(39:39)

Class: What?

Pi: What is your favourite cake?

*cellphone noise*

Gared: I just suggested a topic.

Pi: Yeah, me too!

Class: I even have an anecdote to that ..................

(39:45)

Chris: Just a minute, Nik?

Nik: Yes, erm, it's… I got the picture, no? But… let's just say, everything for the sake of art. 

*cellphone noise*

Chris: Hmmmmmm...

Pi: BAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Chris: ...So.

*cellphone noise*

Chris: Alright. What kind- what? Who? What? What was the topic?

Gared: It was about cake.

Chris: Cake.

Gared: Somehow, obviously.

Pi: What's your favourite cake? And Klaas had an anecdote to that.

Gared: Placenta is not an option („Mutterkuchen“ means „placenta“, but the literal translation is „mother-cake“.)

Pi: No!

Chris: Oh, you are being so misogynistic again.

*Silence*

Chris: One can always say that.

Pi: Yes.

Gared: Okay, is it better with- to [eat] it with cream?... Well, whatever.

Class: You know, well: currently I would actually say that, er New York cheesecake is my favourite cake…

Chris: Aha.

Class: ...but, erm, there is an all time favourite,…

*someone whistles*

Class: ...if one can say so; that is, er, may we tell brand names, by the way? Yes, right? So, I mean, we aren’t sponsored and nothing,…

Chris: Ka-ching.

Pi: It can still happen

Class: Yes. I mean, I‘d have nothing against it.

Chris: Dr. Oetker (popular brand) presents! ................................

(40:38)

Class: I'd have nothing against it, because, it's about Coppenrath&Wiese here, and I've got the feeling that, except for taste-wise differences, there is nothing in the products of Coppenrath &Wiese that tastes shitty. Everything there is always cool, somehow. And, er… since childhood I love these strawberry- or, erm…

Gared: The „Benjamin the elephant“ („Benjamin Blümchen“) cake.

Pi: I find it disgusting.

Class: ...like the le- lemon roll.

Chris: These are tasty.

Class: By now, there is also the- the- the mandarin cheesecake [roll] or something like that.

Chris: Ohhhhhhhh. Yes.

Class: But the funny thing was, erm, during my time at JustMusic (a music store that Class worked at) in the media bunker (a former bunker that now holds clubs, a theater, shops, etc.), where also different studios, also photo studios amongst others, er, were accommodated, there were, I believe also eight to ten years ago by now, somehow, erm…

Chris: I'm so up for cake now, shit.

Gared: Well.

Class: …the- the new photos for the recent Coppenrath&Wiese strawberry tools being shot, and the photos were made with, er, real, er…

Chris: …living strawberry roll animals.

Class: …with living strawberry rolls. And, erm, since they only look good under the camera light for a certain time, er, because then they melt somehow…

Chris: Yes.

Class: ...or whatever or because they-

Pi: So, nothing with shaving cream or such stuff.

Class: Yes, exactly. It was real specimens, they simply brought the- the used up models, so to say, down to us, "hey,"...

Gared: Like in real life.

Class: "We don’t want to throw them into the garbage, would you like to eat them?“

Pi: Oh, awesome.

Class: And it was, like, ten… rolls or more, though.

Pi: Awesome.

Class: And then everyone was like, yeah, one slice or something. Then I have- I was- I said „ey, give it to me“ and-

Gared: That means your colleagues didn't get anything.

Class: They did! Yes they took their- two pieces each and I ate, I believe, three strawberry rolls alone that day and I am proud, every time I- I don’t even know anymore if that is still the current- the current design, because I think they’ve changed it again, I always think - when I am ready and buy another strawberry roll for myself, then- for myself then, that I'm always able to say „I ate the model.“

Chris: I ate the first-

Pi: That-

Class: I ate the exact one that is on the cover there.

Gared: But be very- be careful, because that can really backfire, if you eat too much of it, then it's, er, strawberry roll backwards after that. (Can’t be accurately translated, since the term „Erdbeerrolle rückwärts“ is a combination of „Erdbeerrolle“ („strawberry roll“) and „Rolle rückwärts“ („backflip“, which can be interpreted as shit hitting the fan in this case))

Pi: *Disgusted sound*

Class: I have eaten so many strawberry rolls by now!

Gared: ...........................(42:49)

Class: There is- at family celebrations, there is always a strawberry roll being bought virtually,perceptually just for me and, erm, so if anyone is able to devour and digest a strawberry roll, then it's me.

Gared:...............We have.................. on the Catering .............................

Chris: So, we know soon- what we’ll get as fan presents soon.

Pi: Oh fuck.

Class: Strawberry rolls. But-

Gared: ........................

Pi: Klaas will get fat.

Class: There- you won't do much wrong with that, actually, I have to say.

Chris: By the way, Thomas Hayo of „Germany's Next Top Model“ (TV show) also loves- Why do I even know that?

Class: I just wanted to say that, here.

Chris: Erm, but since-

Pi: That...

Chris: But since you are saying „shaving cream“ now, the funny thing is, erm, I know lots of stories there from my mother who had, erm, from 1963 to 1979, erm, she was an advertisement model and did endless TV advertisements, too, and also for cake and stuff like that. And there she also told these stories, where they had to eat some crap, where not necessarily sha- shaving cream, but just something that looks good for longer, which one has to put into one’s mouth there, which is not at all-  no edi- not an actually edible product, simply because it looked better. And, erm, there are also these outtake recordings, like, really on a film, where you see, then, how they always spit into-

Pi: *disgusted noise*

Chris:  …spit that disgusting stuff into there.

Pi: Yuck, dude.

Gared: *sighs*

Chris: Erm, but I'll have to search for a few photos and videos there, of her at that time and-

Class: That’s interesting.

Chris: …and to publish a few things; I'll ask her what I may publish, it's really cool stuff, so 60s, 70s advertisements.

Pi: Yes.

Chris: Really cool shit, you.

Pi: Yes, that is so crazy. Also, what movie props or stuff are made out of, there comes to my mind, here, the- the Game Of Thrones“-whatsherface, Khaleesi is eating a heart or something there, sort of.

Chris: Yes, exactly.

Pi: That's completely gummy bear mass.

Chris: Uooooh, cool.

Pi: Ate this whole heart…

Chris: Yes.

Pi: …gumm- out of  gummy bear mass. But that was really gross.

Gared: Coul- coul- could be worse.

Class: I just wanted to say, gummy bear mass doesn't sound that disgusting.

Pi: No, but that is rather…

Chris: But back to cake: I believe I've got three favourite cakes. On one hand, truly, completely straight, cheesecake, so.

Class: Like grandma's cheesecake? (He means grandmas in general, not good own grandma.)

Chris: Yes, exactly. And actually the one by my grandma, I loved it, my mother also makes that one- that recipe, now as before. Then, actually a variation of cheesecake, I discovered it just a few years ago, Russian zupfkuchen, which is like cheesecake with these…

Pi: Hm.

Chris: ...chocolaty dough things in the top.

Pi: Hm.

Chris: Because I like it, it is- it is a bit dryer than cheesecake, but super tasty. And actually this completely normal ring cake, birthday cake, which one just now and again…

Class: Ring cake? (He uses the term „Gugelhupf“ to clarify, whereas Chris used „Topfkuchen“)

Chris: Yes, such a-

Gared: If it isn't so super dry. (The word „furztrocken“, meaning „ dry as a fart“.)

Chris: Yes, I actually like that when it’s relatively dry; okay, doesn't have to be super dry, but this normal light dough, in which there are these chocolate lentils… simply-

Class: Hm.

Pi: I see, yeah.

Chris: I mean so- so completely normal.....................

(45:19)

Pi: So, the… default… ready-mix...Werbekuchen(????).

Chris: Yes, exactly.

Class: Bahlsen. Bahlsen in this...

Chris: My mother-

Class: ...blue plastic bag. (he probably means this one by the popular German brand Bahlsen: 3747041_Bahlsen-Comtess-Kuchen_original.jpg (1200×1200) (discounto.de))

Chris: My mother always doesn't make it as a ready-mix.

Class: No, of course.

Chris: …I think, at least, but er…

Pi: But good!

Chris: But there I'm always happy, then.

Pi: Yes.

Gared: Yes.

Chris: So, that is really such a-

Class: Oh.

Chris: That's really bad, too, if- If I have such a thing sitting in my home, such an entire cake, I just easily finish it off over the course of the whole day.

Class: That's what I'm saying!

Pi: Yes. ........................(45:41)

..........................

Pi: That's possible then, though.

Chris: So, I can't contain myself, then.

Pi: With cake somehow also there isn't this- this- this…

Class: Well, hmm...

Pi: ...this feeling of satiety.

Class: You can't apply that to every cake, though. That there is no feeling of satiety.

Chris: Yes, but that- look, like this.

Pi: Well, I didn't find it yet.

Chris: So, if I- if I'm constantly eating chocolate and gummy bears, I’m not really getting full by that. So, at some point one is completely hyperglycaemic then.

Pi: Hm.

Chris: I can actually use cake as- as a meal replacement, actually.

Class: Yes.

Gared: Yes, but.................... (46:03)

Chris: Especially.............................

Gared: .............................

Class: The wetter the cake, the more fits in there.

Pi: Yes.

Class: Because then you have to-

Chris: Class Grenayde!

Pi: *laughs*

Chris: The new „Lord zum Sonntag“ („Lord for the Sunday“)!..........................

Pi: I believe.......................... (46:13)

Chris: The wetter the cake, the more fits in!

*laughter*

Gared: No.

Pi: Cool.

Chris: May I quickly say something more about the topic of misogyny?

Gared: No.

Chris: We recently had a, erm, „Lord zum Sonntag“  by Gared, which we then deleted again, because a few instantly got mad and thought, okay, let's just not leave it like that, namely it was „Women, who use punctuation marks, are rather fuckable in general.“

Gared: Oh God, I must've been drunk when I said that.

Chris: Yes! But that- I- I find it sexist to call that sexist. Because…

Gared: That is right.

Chris: Would it be sexist if you were homosexual and would have said „Men, who use punctuation marks, are rather fuckable in general“?

Class: Hmm.

Pi: Yes.

Chris: Would it be sexist, if a woman says – who is heterosexual – „Men, who use punctuation marks, are rather fuckable in general“?

Pi: That would be sexist, too.

Gared: *Approving noise*

Chris: Alright. That's why I would simply say…

Pi: …I think.

Chris: ... we’ll make a…

Gared: A toned-down…

Chris: ...re- reboot of it...

Gared: Yes.

Chris: „People, who use punctuation marks, are rather fuckable in general“? Nobody can say anything anymore there, right? This!

Pi: I think so, too.

Gared: True.

Chris: So.

Pi: So.

Chris: Yes.

Class: But that's right, too. A right approach.

Chris: Yes.

Pi: Yes. People.

Class: Yes.

Gared: Originally it just ought to express a certain sapiosexuality…

Class: The- the thing is…

Gared: …that one also just simply feels attracted to people that might not be too stupid.

Class: Yeeeah..............................

(47:25)

Chris: But in every.........................

Class: To come to- to come to Gerrit's defence now, it is also…

Gared: Thank you.

Class: ...er, to put it quite… stupidly- so, quite…bluntly, it comes from him, so, er…

*laughter*

Gared: To put it quite bluntly, it's put rather bluntly.

Pi: "What do you expect?“, so, like…

Class: No! But if one breaks it- if one breaks- if one breaks it down, erm, well, he is… essentially heterosexual…

*laughter*

Class: In this sense…

Chris: Hilarious.

*laughter*

Chris: That's also- If one breaks it down, Gared Dirge is essentially heterosexual. Class Grenayde.

Pi: Yes, yes.

Chris: I'm writing it down.

Pi: Cool!

Gared: Ah, nice, you- you just become witness of history being written.

Class: Yes. We're getting banned from worldwide international- worldwide internat- worldwide international media.

Gared: And the internet.

Class: You can say that, too; worldwide and international we are very popular.

Chris: The wetter the cake, the more fits in, yes?

Class: Yes. And world- you could actually say worldwide AND internationally we are very popular.

Gared: This.

Class: Ermmmm...

Gared: And globally.

Pi: ............................................

Class: Yes, that he spoke of himself, to the extent that he, of course, spoke about… errr… aim of his attractivi- his…

Gared: What?

Class: ...attraction of a woman.

Chris: What's it about, now?

(48:36)

Gared: Yes, maybe I have just.....................

Pi: But Gerrit, Gerrit .....................

Class It is quite right, it's the right way,…

Gared: No .............. I don't want to feel-

Pi: ............ It is sexist. Yes. No question.

Gared: I don't- I don't want to feel bad for being heterosexual.

Class: And „people“ includes…

Pi: You don't have to, as well!

Class: … men, women and… er… everyone in between.

*cellphone sound*

Gared (via phone): I'm coming later by a pubic hair. (Meaning a tiny bit later. The literal translation of the word „Fotzenhäärchen“ he  used here is a diminutive of „cunt hair“.)

*laughter*

Pi: Oh man.

Gared: ..........................(48:57) By now you should know that you NEVER play my voicemails loud.

Pi: But they are fitting .................................

*laughter*

Chris: ............... there are no children nearby. But I'm hearing just now- now, that you are coming a bit late.

Pi: Ja.

Gared: Like always. The Heinemann, the Heinemann, he needs as long as none can [last]. (he uses the female form of „none“, implying that he means it in sexual context. Also, in German that sentence rhymes.) Goethe.

Class: Ouhhhh ...................

Pi: .............................

Chris: ............................... to quickly talk about it in seriousness, on one hand I find it comprehensible indeed, that one says it's misogynistic, but in fact it- I mean, of one reads something like that, it is in fa- it is not wom- not against women, but that is FOR punctuation marks and about someone feeling sexual attraction…

Gared: Yeeeah...

Chris: ...for someone, where you notice, okay, cool, they use punctuation marks, they are somehow not entirely…

Pi: Yes.

Chris: …batty. Erm…

Pi: That's true.

Chris: But we'll just do a reboot.

Gared: Mhm! Yes.

Pi: Remake. Remakeboot.

Chris: Exactly.

Pi: Yes.

Class: Remakeboot.

Pi: Well, the question is always how such a… delicate topic goes down with the people, then.

Chris: What if one says „Animals, who punctuation marks…“?

Gared: Well, I'll just say „Wie Du mir, Sodomie“, right? (Intranslatable. The phrase „Wie Du mir, so ich Dir“ means „What goes around, comes around“, the literal translation would be „How you me, so I you.“ Gared just replaced the last part of the sentence with „sodomy“.)

Chris: Yes. ... „Wie ich Dir, Sodomie“, I thought, it is. (He changed the phrase to „How I you, so you me“, because „so Du mir“ and „Sodomie“ sound more similar.)

Pi: As well.

*silence*

Gared: Okay.

Chris: Yes.

Pi: By the way, my favourite cake is, ermmm…

Gared: Let me guess, ends with „pie“.

Pi: No. Ah, yes, one of them.

Chris: Lel.

Pi: But also- we are, I believe, all- get together at cheesecake, I would say.

Gared: For- for-

Class: Common ground.

Class: Cheesecake.

Pi: Yes. Definitely.

Chris: Maybe the next time, for the next podcast, we can do…

Pi: Definitely!

Chris: ...cheesecake-eating.

Gared: I wouldn’t- I wouldn't............................(50:07; assumedly some phrase)

Pi: Instead of sushi, yes!

Class: Oh, but then please American cheesecake. I don‘t know, there are probably people, too…

Pi: Maybe such a fat…

Chris: There is also Russian Zupfkochen…

Pi: We- we-

Chris: Zupfkochen.

Pi: *with a strange "accent"* Russian Zupfkochen!

Gared: Russian- Russian Zupfcock.

Pi: We’ll order one at Bert/Bird! (50:28)

Class: I'll bring-

Pi: That!

Class: I'll bring a whole cheesecake from Bert.

Pi: Bert.

Chris: Why not from Ernie?

Class: Who?

Chris: Why not from Ernie?

Pi: Huuh.

Class: Who is Ernie?

*laughter*

Class: I don’t know any- oh, I see!

Chris: Bert and Ernie.

Pi: Aaahhh, okay!

Chris: Bert!

Class: Okay, yes.

Pi: Exactly.

Class: Whatever.

Pi: Exactly. Cheesecake.

Class: Let Pi again. Exactly.

Pi: Exactly.

Class: What does Pi like?

(50:43)

Pi: Then I really find great… poppy-seed cake.

Chris: Oh, me too!

Gared: Awesome.

Class: ...................................

Pi: And if one fuses these, cheese-poppy-seed cake.

Chris: Didn't we share one somewhen, such a really crazy one?

Class: Is that a thing?

Pi: Yes.

Chris: When was that, again?

Pi: I believe on thingamabob tour, Renegades tour.

Chris: ............ Poppy-seed cake. (50:59)

Pi: There was a poppy- poppy-seed-cheese-

Chris: *whispering* That was so awesome!

Class: That's really a thing? Crazy.

Pi: Mhm. Anyhow, I have eaten it in Freiburg, too. And there is the recipe from the Milk Bar. The Milk Bar is a confectionery in New York, until recent- until now I didn't get to go there,…

Gared: The cosmoproletarian. („Kosmoprolet“ is a combination of „Kosmopolit“ („cosmopolitan“) and „Prolet“ („proletarian“)).

Pi: ...until now I didn't get to go there…

Chris: Cosmoproletarian!

Pi: …until now I didn't get to go there, but one can retrace the recipe online and third one is called „crack-“… ( https://milkbarstore.com/blogs/recipes/milk-bar-pie this one, they changed the name some time ago, though.)

Chris: Millenial.

Pi: I got told that I‘m not even a millennial anymore in my generation, I am already blah.

Class: No, you’re too old .............(51:30)

Pi: Generation XZY.

Gared: Chris and Klaas are technically millennials.

Chris: Smartass.

Class: Oh, really? Okay. I’m a millenial. Cool.

Chris: Me too.

Class: I didn't know that. But well.

Pi: Erm, it's called crack pie… It's legal.

Chris: They- they also have that here, in the Talstraße. („Valley Street“, in a part of Hamburg where the substance use rate is relatively high)

Pi: Yeah, I believe that tastes completely different.

Chris: And, here, Schmuckstraße („Jewellery Street“) and Große Freiheit („Great Freedom“) and Hamburger Berg („Hamburg's Mountain“ All in the same district of St. Pauli). You get it everywhere.

Pi: Yep. I just wanted to say that.

Chris: Crack pie, what is that?

Pi: Well, that… is just like a- this typical American pie crust...

Chris: Hm.

Class: Hmm.

Pi: You know that.

Class: Apple pie. Or something like that, right?

Pi: No- no, it's not warm apple pie.

Class: Ah, okay.

Pi: Where you then… stick things into it. (allegedly there are people who masturbate with warm apple pie.)

Chris: I I've never understood that.

Pi: That are the- the paste inside them is essentially suggest and butter.

Class: Ah.

Gared: Cool.

Pi: And everything that… right? You don't really need more…

Gared: Already athing.

(52:11)

Pi: ...and a bit of vanilla aroma. And the already baked cake you put into the freezer for a while. And then it is so really, so REALLY viscid.

Class: That‘s so-

Gared: That is so ............................

Class: You BELIEVE that it's so really cool.

Pi: No, I have eaten  that one.

Class: Ah.

Pi: But-  well, just not…

Chris: Online.

Class: Ah

Pi: ...there.

Gared: Is that- isn't that…then…

Pi: No, a, er, pal made it for me.

Class: Ah. Cool.

Pi: Yes.

Gared: But isn't that ice cream, then? Or parfait, because it is like half frozen?

Class: ............................. (52:37)

Pi: .................................eeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh!

Chris: ....................................

Class: Was that vegan? I actually saw it on Instagram.

Pi: It was vegan.

Class: ......................

Chris: Yes, but then is it…?

Pi: So, it wasn't butter, then…

Class: Yes, yes, but I just wanted to say it. That's the one I saw on Instagram.

Pi: Right.

Chris: There's also another weird word for ice cream in, like- in, like fine restaur-

Gared: Sorbet.

Chris: Sorbet, yes.

Gared: But- That is- er, implicates with fruit.

Pi: That’s only out of fruit.

Gared: Exactly.

Pi: Fruit and…

Chris: That's like with the kink and the fetish.

Gared: Par- Parfait.

Class: And water ice is sorbet, I believe. There is no… no milk or something, for example.

Gared: Exactly.

Pi: Yes.

Gared: And in most cases there has never even been a fruit passing by them, if you [look at] these „Bussy Bär“ thingies… („Bussy bear“ is a brand of freezer pops.)

...............................................

(53:04)

Chris: ................ just………., the next time I take a Bussy Bär out of the freezer, I'll say, „I'll get another-I'll get another sorbet“.

Gared: An exquisi- really exquisite sorbet.

Chris: ......................... „do you want another sorbet?“ „Yes, please.“ „Cola or lemon?“

Class: Woodruff! („Waldmeister“ is a very popular flavour in Germany; non-Germans don't seem to like it to much, though.)

Pi: A Bussy Bär sorbet!

Chris: But no one eats the orange one!

Pi: No, I always didn't find them that cool, too, the orange ones; I liked the red ones the best.

Chris: I'll have to-

Class: The- the Haribo bears (popular German Gummy bears) or what?

Pi: No, the Bussy Bär!

Gared: Those Bussy Bär in this plastic-I mean these plastic tubes by-

Pi: Water- water ices.

Class: I see! I have never eaten them, but now I know what you're talking about.

Gared: No.

Pi: Water ices.

Gared: One didn't actually really eat them, but…

Pi: You sucked them.

Gared: Exactly. You sucked them and then just bit off and spit it out, because then it was actually just…

Class: Yeah, it just tasted shitty then.

Gared: ...ice, I mean water ice anymore, really.

Pi: Exactly. You pulled out all the flavour enhancers and the colourants and then there was crushed ice.

Class: Exactly like Tupperware, always like, yeah, cool, those popsicles, blah, with orange juice. And then you just pull out the flavour, (whistling noise), and then that thing is useless. (the literal translation of „für'n Arsch“ („useless“) would be „for the ass“.)

Pi: Yes. Whereas FruchtZwerge („Fruit Dwarves“, a yoghurt for children that is also available as ice cream) ice cream is really cool!

Class: That's something different, exactly.

Pi: Yes.

Class: Because there, in the end you have… the yoghurt.

Pi: There you also stick something in there and pull out and suck on it. (FruchtZwerge ice cream comes as a yoghurt where you poke the handle through the lid and then put it into the freezer.)

Class: Yes, exactly. But you have…

Gared: Eeeeerrmmmm....

Class: ...you CAN only suck on them.

Pi: Exactly.

Gared: We are still at ice cream?

Pi: We are still at FruchtZwerge.

Class: No, actually we are still at cake, aren't we?

Pi: I see, yes, right. Gerrit. Please.

Gared: Onion tart. (In German, „Zwiebelkuchen“ is „onion cake“.)

*laughter*

Gared: Should count, right?

Pi: No-

Class: Nah, hmmm.

Gared: It ends with „cake“.

Class: Yes.

Pi: Yes.

Gared: So.

Pi: Yes.Let's not be like that. 

........................ nitpicker...................(54:23) („Korinthenkacker“ („nitpicker“) literally translates to „currant crapper“)

Gared: Erm, there I am- hm, currants. I am very low maintenance there in general, I just… find cake awesome in principle. Cake, torte, I don’t give a crap.

Class: So it doesn't matter...

Gared: Everything- everything… that somehow…

Class: what ................... there....................

Pi: Nut cake is not that good.

Gared: Yeah, nut might not… though that is allergy-induced, but that…

Class: But he could like it.

Gared: I could like it, regardless, exactly.

Pi: Yes, that's true, of course.

Gared: No, ah, erm... hit me up with anything, really. And onion tart.

Chris: I've got another question.

Gared: No.

Pi: Mm.

Chris: Äh... thematically.

Gared: When does- when does the sushi come?

Chris: Yes, we’re already doing almost an hour by now, we can actually soon- I mean, we just don't have a topic today, then.

Pi: No. We just have… yes.

Gared: Also nice sometimes.

Chris: We can just not upload the podcast. Maybe.

Pi: No, we don't do that.

Class: No.

Pi: Then no one would hear this.

Chris: Yes, that's funny, as well.

Gared: Let's delete it.

Pi: Yes, let's not upload it.

Chris: Yes, we can actually just meet up and talk sometimes, too.

Gared: No, everything always has to- the social media cow always has to get melked out- milked- milked out.

Chris: ........................ sound camera is rolling. (55:16)

Gared: So, what is the question, then?

Pi: I think that's a nice… description for a microphone; a sound camera.

Chris: Yes!

Pi: Chris..........................

Chris: That's exactly like… a sound camera actually does exist.

Pi: What? How?

Chris: Yes. Erm, optical sound- there is optical sound on celluloid, formerly.

Pi: Hm.

Chris: Just as one- er… and then there was actually a sound camera, then. Which works in such a way that- erm, nevermind.

Pi: Yes.

Chris: So, I could […] it, now.

Pi: There is one.

Chris: But there- there are these light electrons (assumedly he means photons) on celluloid and…

Pi: .............................(55:46)

Gared: .............................

Chris: ...then there is actually a sound camera and actually also a sound projector, absurdly. That‘s quite- can you- you can google „optical sound“ („Lichtton“), for the nerds out there, that's quite funny.

Class: Do it, some time.

Chris: No, my question is actually- and, erm, insofar without judgement, that this shall not be about who is cooler, Donald Trump or Joe Biden, but rath- rather, Kanye West said that he might want to run for president. Now, I don’t want to judge that, because it's obvious that it's somehow… like, funny?

Gared: A free years ago we still thought the same about Trump, too.

Chris: Exactly. No the question is actually - that I have – if you could choose any American superstar, female, male, actor, musician, doesn't matter – or more – whom would- whom would you find cool as a President?

Class: May I start?

.......................(56:33)

Chris: Regard- regardless of whether they are able to do that or not…

Pi: Yes, yes.

Chris: ... simply because you find it cool.

Class: Since (or „There,“) I’m thinking about Trump and someone who already was in the politics, Trump ultimately needs… Arnold Schwarzenegger as an opponent.

Pi: Yes, man.

Chris: Doesn't work, unfortunately, elsewise he'd- the thing with Schwarzenegger, he comes-

Class: Well, that doesn't matter, of it works or not, right?

Chris: Yes, but he has to be American, because- that's why he falls out, because he- he is Austrian. He- he-

Class: But he was able to become governor of-

Chris: You’re allowed to! But you aren't allowed to become the President, if you aren't a native-born US-citizen. That's the problem.

Pi: That's why the…the…

Gared: Oh! .................... (57:05)

Class: Argh.

Chris: Schwarzenegger already said that he would have competed a long time ago, they- they even - however I don't know if that is a rumour – so, tried to overturn that law, but it didn't happen; meaning that's why Schwarzenegger can't compete.

Class: Ah. Okay. Then that makes…

Chris: But- But I totally agree with you, I would have found that… totally cool.

Class: Yes.

Pi: *yawning*.....................

(57:26)

Chris: But then, whom would you- I mean…?

Class: On YouTube there is, erm, a cool…

*doorbell rings*

Pi: Sushi?

Class: ...cool series by GQ, now, where some stars recapitulate their career…

Pi: Mm!

Class: ...with like 30 minutes, that they…

Gared: Yes yes, yes, yes, yes.

Pi: Yes, their coolest, their best roles...

Class: Exactly, where Arnold Schwarzenegger talks about everything, so, from Predator- or from Conan over Predator to Terminator. So, really cool. Also with Jack Black and all the rest of them, really cool.

Pi: Yes, cool.

Class: So, I can just recommend it. It's always 30 minutes of an interesting- I mean, interesting depending on the actor… event.

Gared: Does it have to… I mean, does it have to be a real person or… may it also be something like a film role?

Class: Yeah.

Chris: No, it can also be Bart Simpson.

Gared: I don’t know, could also have been a film roll or something like that!

Class: No, I think it should actually be someone who rather ...................a………....... (58:04)

Gared: Rather a real person. Who is paying, by the way?

Class: Although, is Kanye West a real person?

Chris: Anyone with his card.

Class: I see!

Chris: Kanye West is a real- real person.

Pi: You are our…whatsit, at the moment.

Chris: Here's a bit for a tip.

(58:13)

Class: Yes. I just forgot my ec card number, but I searched for it just this morning, because I wanted to change it, so I can remember it.

Chris: Yeah, so, the one that I've got on my mind, even tough I… believe to have read that he is also strongly conservative – which actually surprised me, but whatever – I’d find Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson incredibly cool as a President.

Class: That’d be cool, too, yes.

Gared: Yes.

Pi: That would be amazing.

Gared: You've got a point there.

Class: Yes.

Chris: If I imagine him, like… Mr. President!

Class: No, I- I believe he's also got- even if that often gets feigned,…

Chris: You’re welcome! („Voll gerne!“ actually means „Really glad to!“, but it's a reference to the movie „Moana“, thus this translation.)

Class: I believe he has a conscience. That's fairly important.

Chris: I- I have…

Pi: ........................... have a conscience ……….......

(58:44)

Chris: ...with that guy, at least everything I've seen until now, I've always had a good feeling about him.

*doorbell rings*

Class: I think so, too.

Gared: Hmmm.

Class: No, I have to say very honestly, I mean… whether one likes his movies or not, but…

Chris: I don't really like any of his movies.

Class: No, me neither.

Chris: But I like the guy.

Class: But Moana is actu- (in German, the movie is called"Vaiana".)

Chris: Okay.

Class: ...I mean, if you [see] it as HIS movie…

Chris: Exactly.

Class: ...then it is…

Chris: Moana is one of the coolest children's movies there are.

Class: Yes. Just las- the week before last, I…

Chris: It's- together with Frozen it's one of the best Disney movies for me, too.

Class: Yes.

Chris: The music, too. But now, that he really acts in… He's got movies where he really- I think, Dwayne Johnson is just- he is- I think it's cool that he's so self-ironic, just because he does these funny roles, as well.

Class: Yes, yes, exactly. Right.

Chris: I think he's likeable, but…

Class: Yes.

Chris: ...now, I wouldn't say that I'm a fan of…

Class: No, surely enough.

Chris: ...his acting performance.

Class: Dwayne- Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, he is also a good actor, though, one cannot- one may not disregard that.

(59:29)

Chris: I think he is a good actor, but I would- if I'd name a good actor, now, who really…

Class: Yeaaah.

Chris: ...impresses me as an actor, of probably say, I don't know, Tom Hanks or something like that.

Class: Right.

Chris: I wouldn't start there with, erm…

Class: And also you can- I mean, he also always only plays himself. Which makes it quite easy.

Chris: Somehow. Yes.

Pi: This.

Class: So, he is- I mean, that's a fact. Anyway, doesn't matter-

Chris: Shall we start a petition? Dwayne Johnson for President? We can manage that, folks.

Class: I believe it already exists. We just have to find it, then.

Gared: Definitely.

Class: It already exists…

Chris: We're making our OWN.

Class: Yes, that- because it'll get way more successful!

Chris: Yes. ............. than the..................(59:58)

Gared: Our own petition with Black Jack and hookers.

Chris: Yes!

Class: Yes.

Chris: Oh, pft.

*silence*

Class: Huh? Is he- is he American? Yes, he is, right?

Gared: Yes, actually he's from, er…

Chris: Since I’m seeing your T-shirt…

Class: What you (the audience) can't see now, but who knows, maybe- Gerrit…

Gared: Because- because- because we are buddy-buddy with each other, of course, here, like this- no, erm… actually yes, Hoff- the Hoff would be quite funny.

Chris: David Hasselhoff as a President would be rather cool.

Gared: That would be something, he has got opinions, as well, I mean he has got points that he really-… he isn't just simply, er…

Chris: Oh, he's got opinions!

Gared: Yes, I mean really valid points, he also stands in for-

Class: I mean, he brought about the fall of the Berlin wall, right?

Gared: This.

Class: .......................................

(60:29)

Gared: It's not just- it's not just that he…

Chris: He’ll also manage to do that with the Chinese wall, right? This!

Class: I don’t know if that's the right way, but… as an American.

Chris: Yeah. No.

*cellphone sound*

Gared: He can- he isn't only able to… grin into the camera, bring about the fall of the wall and just look good, by all means he has, er… valid points. I'll say.

Chris: That would actually be really funny.

Gared: That would be- I mean, yes, funny it would be, exactly. Now, the question here is if they-

Class: Okay, as for Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson I’d say yes. I see it the same- I mean- did you already have David Hasselhoff of what?

Gared: Yes, I just- I just threw David Hasselhoff into the room.

Class: You threw him into the group.

Gared: Yes, yes, that was my contribution now.

Chris: ..................... also for Dwayne or what? (61:00)

Class:  Yes, but technically I'd have to think about something, as well. So, I th- to be honest, I think I see Arnold Schwarzenegger similar to Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.

Chris: Yes, then we’ll leave out Arnold Schwarzenegger now.

Class: No, no no, no. No. That is…  I’m still contemplating.

Chris: *mocking* No, no no!

Class: I mean- but… in principle, I've got Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, takes the same line there,…

Chris: Sylvester Stallone wouldn't be bad, either.

Pi: *in the background* ......................... Bye-bye. (61:19)

Class: But I think- nahh, but Sylvester Stallone isn't committed, I think, in such things, I  think. But…

Chris: But also maybe because the food is here now, we can also readily just come to an end and…

Pi: Yes!

Chris: ...er, maybe briefly…

Gared: Maybe-

Chris: ... Tell what kind of socks we’re wearing ........................... (61:31)

Gared: Well, Pi can- Pi can say just now, which- whom he…

............................................

Chris: Angelina Jolie, for example, okay.

Pi: Yes, first I thought about a woman, but none came to my mind, who, er, that… completely ........................

Gared: Triggered!

Pi: Yeah, completely triggered, dude. Put your armpit hair together again, ey. Erm... Neil Patrick Harris.

Chris: Oh yeeees!

Gared: I have- I have also briefly considered that.

Chris: Neil Patrick Harris!

Class: Who was that again, now?

Pi: Barney Stinson.

Gared: Erm, Barney Stinson.

Pi: From "How I met your mother".

Gared: Yes.

Class: Ah! Okay.

Gared: I also went through all kinds…

Class: Yes yes.

Gared: ...of US series that I've watched.

Pi: Not- not his values represented in "How I met your mother",  ......................(61:59)

Gared: I just wanted to say, ...................................

Class: The- the human being ....................

Pi: The guy.

Chris: ...................... Yes. Interviews with that guy are so cool.

Pi: Exactly.

Gared: True.

Pi: The- if you watch interviews or other house tours or the like, that he… that there are. Put his moderation at the Tony Awards and such stuff.

Gared: Yes.

Pi: That guy is just great, erm, the fact alone – I’m simply saying that really stridently now – that he is gay - makes him – for m- me at least - …a thousand times more reflected and tolerant.

Chris: Add he and his husband also have children, right?

Pi: Yes.

Chris: Did you know that his husband is the one who plays the ex boyfriend of Lily in "How I met your mother"?

Pi: Er, that is- what's his name, Scooter, right?

Chris: Scooter, exactly.

Class: Scooter.

Gared: Oh, really?

Chris: Yes! ................................ (62:40)

Pi: I want to recite a poem. By a… great poet. Axl W. Rose. November Rain.

Class: Yes.

Chris: Oh, awesome, dude.

Class: But someone came to my mind again, too.

Gared: Shoot.

Chris: Yes, who?

Class: I mean, if it's my turn again in a moment.

Gared: That one becomes vice president for you, then.

Class: No! But because just today I heard a quote - if one can call it that - by him, I believe.

Pi: Quote. (Class said „quote“ in English before, Pi used the German term.)

Class: Er, quote... Patrick Stewart.

Chris: Oh yes.

Class: Jean Luc Picard.

Gared: But he is a Brit, though.

Chris: Unfortunately he is…

Pi: He is a Brit.

Class: Aaaaaah, fuck, fuck!

Chris: He is a Brit.

Gared: Children.

Chris: Okay, Klaas, you and your Austrians and Brits.

Class: *laughs* Yes, that’s true.

Chris: That won't get us anywhere anymore. But… if I had to choose some woman for America, I’d find Oprah Winfrey really cool as a President, too.

Pi: Dude, yes!

Chris: That would be-

Class: She actually has-

Chris: That’d be so cool!

Pi: Oprah makes it possible.

(63:20)

Class: In fact, in fact, in fact, in fact.

Pi: Just imagine that!

Gared: Okay and as a vice president Ellen DeGeneres, then, or...?

Chris: Who?

Pi: Ooooh, also cool.

Gared: Ellen, she-

Chris: Oh! She is awesome, too!  ......................... is awesome.

Gared: That would be- would make a funny combo.

Chris: Come on, the food is here, let's just quickly tell what socks we're wearing, I'm gonna start. I believe I've worn these before, In wearing turquoise socks with multicoloured crowns and a yellow tip and a blue heel.

*burping*

Gared: Black.

Chris: Very- very ugly.

*burping*

Gared: Yes. Just plain black.

Pi: Gerrit and me are matching (Partnerlook), erm, with black socks, I’m wearing the right sock inside out, though.

Class: Er, I have grey-blue-camouflage, er, Nike sports socks, where you have to pay attention to not mix up left and right, because there's „left“ and „right“ written on them, though solved in such a retarded way that- that… left and right in the dark almost exactly-

Chris: You don't say „retarded“.

Class: oh. …solved in such a stupid- stupid way that… that… „L“ and „R“ are almost as dark grey as the fabric beneath, so each time you have to watch with a magnifying glass like with…

*burping*

Class: …Argus-eyes… no, eagle eyes, which sock is left and which one is right.

Chris: Ah, I think that is- that is supposed to make life a little more exciting.

Class: I think so, too.

Chris: Well. We- with this we’re closing,…

*clapping and burping*

Chris: ...we’re ripping apart the empty paper…

*sound of ripping paper*

Chris: ...with the written topics…

*more paper ripping*

Chris: ... for today,...

*even more paper ripping*

Gared: Also cool sometimes, isn't it?

Chris: Yes. We're having a podcast now, which just is about nothing, I hope you didn't have fun.

*burping*

Chris: I know that people, which... yes. 

Gared: See you! (Actually he says „Wirsing“ („savoy“) instead of „Wiedersehen“ („See you“), which is a common German word play.)

Pi: Was nice! Bye!

Chris: San Frantschüßco! (Word play, „tschüß“ means „bye“.)

Pi: See you later! („Bis spätersilie“ is a combination of „bis später“ („see you later“ and „Petersilie“ („parsley“), because of the similar sound.)

Gared: For now!

 

 

Translation: Margit Güttersberger

Proofreading: Jari Winter