Listen to the LordCast also on Spotify, Apple or Deezer 

 

 

Of Intolerance and Luxury Problems

 

Chris: Alright, welcome to LordCast number 4…

Class: Hello.

Pi: Hello!

Chris: Today in German again, with Class.

Class: Moin! (hello)

Gared: Moin. Oh, it wasn't my turn yet.

Chris: Gared …we’ll try again. Class…

Class & Pi: Moin! 

Class: With us…

Chris: With Gared.

Chris: Moin! (I think he tried to re-do the Pi-Class-Moment as a joke)

Gared: … Moin!

Chris: With Pi…Pi still has make up on; he just did a make-up tutorial.

Pi: Moin!

Chris: and... Chris.

Pi: Maybe that's why I sound a bit weird.

Chris: Also, a bit later in the chat, if we are able to reach him, as a telephone joker, Nik! That is to say, we invented a small game and Nik is always unable to be with us, since he doesn't live in the world's most beautiful city, but in Harz (region in Germany).

Pi: His choice.

Gared: Also, he's never fit to drive.

Chris: Yes. So we will bring him in.

*telephone rings*

 

(0:50)

Gared: Oh Class, since you are taking off your socks now, do we play the usual game "What kind of socks are we wearing today"?

Chris: We'll do that in a minute. I just have to say in advance, unfortunately I have to leave my phone on, because we just ordered Sushi that has to be here in 40 minutes, but of course we didn't state exactly the right address.

Gared: Because nobody should know where you live.

Chris: Yes. The problem is simply that the Elbchaussee 66 is not that easy to find in Hamburg and because of that the Sushi delivery guy could call and say *in chinese accent* "You ordered wonton heart?"

Gared: Next time we'll meet at your place again, right?

Chris: We'll start, I'd say we'll start with socks!

Class: Yes.

Chris: Yes. Class just took his off, hold them in front of the microphone, will you.

Class: Yes, well I brought socks, I'm not wearing them anymore because it is so warm here.

Chris: Describe them, please.

Class: Erm…

Gared: What are you wearing? Oh, okay.

Class: I'm wearing the same socks as at the first sock description evening.

Chris: Now, that's a total… 

Class: But…

Gared: Please … please tell me that you washed them since then.

Class: No, these are the ones in grey, meaning the socks around the foot are grey…

Gared: You didn't wash them!

Class: …and around the ankle they are black, that means when you are wearing sneakers, it looks like you're wearing black socks that actually blend to grey.

Chris: I think this isn't the skyline of Hamburg, though; it's she skyline of New York that we see there.

Class: Right.

Gared: Unbelievable what is possible nowadays.

Pi: Show them; I didn't see them now.

Gared: So, hold them into the camera.

Class: Well, these are the socks now…

Chris: Hold them to the mic.

Gared: Both.

 

(2:06)

*they are just blabbering nonsense*

Gared: Boah, ew, disgusting. Disgusting.

Chris: Okay, these are Class' socks.

Class: But that is kinda…when you hold them by the upper side, they are black and become grey, it looks a bit like a skyline when you put them upside down.

Pi: Yes, New York, that is New York!

Class: New York.

Gared: Boy. Baffling.

Chris: So, Gared, what kind of socks are you wearing?

Gared: I have, one could think that they were different, and they are, but they belong to one set. On the... on one of them there is a claviature, who would have guessed, yes, sorry, I, erm, may I remove them from your nostrils again? (the word "Nüstern" he uses here is normally only used for the nostrils of horses)

Chris: Does it smell?

Pi: No.

Gared: I just put them on freshly, hello?!

Pi: When?

Gared: Legitimate question. On the other one are silhouettes of grand pianos and notes.

Chris: I'm donning a mask now. I mean, we have masks specifically for that, since the Lord of the Lost masks are ready now.

Gared: Oh, yeah.

Class: And sold out. Currently. I don't know if we're still selling them.

Chris: I'm donning a mask now. Pi?

Gared: Why are you wearing a mask now?

Pi: Why is there straw lying around here? (reference to a german porn movie where a character asks this question.)

Chris: What kind of socks are you wearing?

Pi: Well, like in the last sock description podcast I'm wearing my cat socks again. The cats that are saying "mau" (meow)

Gared: Mau?

Pi: Yes, they are white socks with a black tip, the cats are also black and the speech bubbles are orange, with "mau" written into them in white.

Chris: That is beautiful.

Gared: Intriguing.

Class: That is meagre. (Pun; the word "mau" for "meow" can also mean "meagre")

Pi: I find them beautiful, too.

Class: Mau Mau (Mau-Mau is the name of a card game)

Pi: Yeah, cats are animals that are very, very… well, I don't know, not easy to convince, you just can't impress them, which is why it's so meagre.

 

(3:25) 

Gared: It’s basically cats.

Chris: I'm wearing black socks with white writing on them and on one is written "fck".

Class: FCK. FC Kaiserslautern. (German Football club)

Chris: Right, and on the other one is written "nzs".

Class: Aaah.

Chris: So, on one is written "FCK", on the other one "NZS". I do not know what that means.

Pi: I know what that means!

Chris: What?

Pi: That means "fuck nazis".

Class: Whaaaaat?

Chris: The cool thing is, on the right side "fuck" is written on the front and on the left side "nazis" is written on the front, when you turn around…

Gared: …nazis is also written like that.

Pi: Awesome.

Chris: …it's the other way around, that means you can fuck nazis from the front and from the back with these socks.

Pi: Fuck them up really bad.

*sound of a toppling microphone*

Chris: Sorry, I thumped against the mic.

Pi: Yes.

Chris: Putting it a little further away.

Pi: Because nazis are poo-poo.

Chris: So. Today we have three topics; at first we want to talk to you about this… we have launched this rainbow shirt, in honour of this… what is this day's name, by the way? The LGBT day of tolerance or something like that?

Pi: Day against discrimination, sexism, intolerance against transgender, bisexual, homosexual people et cetera.

Chris: ...et cetera. Exactly. We will come to that in a minute, because sometimes it is not that easy to know all that there is and we can know it from a very narrow point of view, after all.

*telephone noise*

Chris: Sorry, you know, I have to keep my telephone on, but not this one, since I have two.

Gared: Only?

Pi: Once there was more Lametta. ("Früher war mehr Lametta.", a quote from a sketch by Loriot)

Gared: Although we had three nice days in May. ("Dafür hatten wir im Mai drei schöne Tage.", a quote from another scetch by Loriot)

Chris: The second thing is, I'd like to talk about the topic "luxury problems" today; we will see soon what that means.

Gared: I don't understand.

 

(5:05)

Chris: And we will play a little game at the end; we call it "city, country, backstage" That is quite nice.

(Note: "city, country, backstage" ("Stadt, Land, Backstage") is a reference to a children's game called "Stadt, Land, Fluss" (city, country, river), where everyone tries to think of the names of a city, a country, a river and several other things, beginning with a specific letter and the fastest one to find everything wins)

Maybe to start the topic, I'll outline it as intolerance against gays and lesbians and everything that belongs to that; maybe beforehand: I think you said something nice when we had the idea to talk about that, that we can only…from our very narrow point of view…

Pi: Right, so, small disclaimer beforehand, maybe… everything that we say here happens against the background that we are super super in favor of tolerance, to a 100% in all aspects. Except for nazis. That means live and let live and we are always on the side of said people whom we'll talk about in a minute. If we are using any words that are in some way triggering, that are wrong and... well, when we aren't right about something or talk crap, we know that we have a limited field of view, because we just don't know everything. In doubt, you are right, please correct us if we are wrong in some way. We are open for more information about that.

Chris: Exactly. We are - I mean I can only speak for myself there - I am involved insofar that I had  lot of gay friends and acquaintances of all of my life, sometimes also lesbians, I had contacts to transgender people, or to trannies (note: this is the literal translation of "Transen"; it is not meant in a negative or judging way here, though), to drag queens, partly with a transgender background, however I do not know everything about that and that is why we might phrase things a bit sloppily sometimes.

Gared: Yes.

Chris: We know how fast one can offend people in such topics, sometimes with good reason, simply because one doesn't know the correct terms.

Pi: Right.

Chris: Because of that please pardon us; it is important to us to talk about and raise this issue, even as essentially in the broadest sense heterosexuals, maybe even because of that; because I find it important that not only gays and lesbians themselves fight for tolerance and talk about it, but also that we do it, precisely because we know many stories from our environment, just from St. Pauli. Directly where we live and maybe I'll just start with a little ice breaker and I will tell you a personal story from my life. I think that you already know it (to the others), but you out there don't. When I was a teenager, and that was a slightly different time, that was more than twenty years ago, it was more tolerant than in the sixties but we weren't where we are now, I as a heterosexual, I knew very early that I just am into tits, teenager had to fight against homophobia, in the sense that I was a guy like... I was always a bit androgynous, I got a beard late, I was never that interested in football and flaunting and cars, I always was the one, I hung around with girls a lot… and I was always the guy where they said "Chris is so gay" and stuff, so I had to hear that a lot.

And at one point I thought… and- if you hear things often enough, you try to see, like may I be the, quote-unquote- "problem"? Are they right about that, maybe?

And because I was very open to that, at the age of about 19, 18 or 19, I worked in a gay disco in Hamburg. I won't mention the name here because I have to tell something negative about that later and I don't want to slander. And there was this  quite handsome barkeeper, he looked like a Jean Paul Gautier model, yes… has had his lips done, even then, just how you'd imagine,... and I always thought him to be incredibly attractive, never on a sexual level, but just that I thought, wow, what a handsome man.

Then I thought, ey, since everyone always told me "you're gay", and I didn't have a girlfriend at some point, I thought, then I'll just try it. So my open-mindedness went as far as to make me think "nothing ventured, nothing gained, who knows what I may be missing out on".

Then I tried it, we even snogged and we made out and stuff, we did not have sex in a sense of penetration, neither in one direction nor in the other, because even while making out I noticed that it just isn't it, I just can't make use of a penis, except for my own. And after that we stayed friends for a long time and one day the man, I haven't heard of him for many years now, he also was 2, 3 years older than me, went to LA to become a... I don't know, dancer, actor or something.

And yeah, maybe to get the turn to the topic of discrimination here, we'll stay at this club for a moment, I got kicked out of this club about half a year later, there I realized for the first time that one can also be discriminated as a heterosexual in a homosexual environment by homosexuals, so it works in both directions.

 

(10:27)

Gared: Intolerance works in both directions, definitely.

Chris: Namely they had, please forgive me for using this term now, but I don't know how to say it otherwise, the boss was a power lesbian, so…

Gared: that cliché with…

Chris: like, built very sturdily, short hair, streaks, end 90s, so… nose ring, combat boots, camouflage trousers…

Pi: Yeah, yeah, okay.

Chris: So. And one time I got picked up by, then, my girlfriend that I had again then. And then the next time she asks me "Who was that?" I'm like "My girlfriend." "What do you mean, your girlfriend? Your girlfriend-girlfriend?" (the German word for girlfriend is the same as for any female friend, hence the question)

Well, end of the story was, I got kicked out of there because I wasn't gay.

Gared: Now, to me the follow up question arises, wouldn't you have been kicked out if you'd said "That is my girlfriend, however I am bisexual"?

Chris: I don't know.

Pi: Would be a thought.

Chris: I didn't try; it was important to me to also stand up for my heterosexuality in that case then.

Gared: Yes, yes. Absolutely, that shouldn't be supported. The intolerance in that direction.

Chris: And the thing is…

*cellphone noise*

Chris: Sorry, you know, my cellphone…The thing is that a colleague, who was also a good friend of mine, he said "Ey, if Chris has to leave; I'm leaving, too." That was a gay man, because everyone else working there was gay. I fit in there well, because I found that cool. I had blue hair, no eyebrows, Marilyn Manson style, lots of makeup, always glitter make up, topless, stood there behind the counter, worked there at the bar, I totally fit in there, I looked like a gay go-go dancer with a gothic touch. And he left with me, out of solidarity.

Gared: That is courageous. (The literal translation of the phrase "Das hat Gesicht" he uses would be "That has face".)

Chris: That is, maybe as my experience to begin with, that means that is not without reason. Rather nothing that I'd liked to have shared, but I think against the background of the seriousness of this topic it can be told.

Pi: Definitely. I find it very remarkable that it also works in this direction.

Chris: Yes. That was crazy. That was also my point, that I said "Ey; I'm always going to this place since I'm 17, I mean, I'm also always going to CSD (Christopher Street Day, the German equivalent to Pride Parade), I have many gay friends, everyone here loves me, they all know that I'm not gay, and I'm working all the same, so, where is the problem? No, wasn't cool for her.

Gared: I can well believe it. Well, no, sorry; I can't believe, I believe, sorry, I thought it hadn't been cool for YOU.

Chris: No, no, no. No but that, that was such a crazy, a crazy story for me. But also my gayness subsided then. I'm not Gerrit, after all. Gerrit is party-gay from 2 per mile, but that is a different topic.

Gared: But, also quite interesting, that would be, okay, well, that lies in the eyes of the beholder…no. That is a bit of experience that I would like to share, I don't really have experiences with people from the corresponding community in my circle of friends or the like, I just have to say that, it is just like that. That has nothing to do with intolerance or such, but simply because it didn't happen somehow. But I think you know that (to the others) and many of our dear listeners out there, too, that I - like Chris just mentioned in jest - I get party-gay from 2 per mile, I coquet a bit with that. Of course I don't mean to coquet in a negative sense that I'd mean I would want to split (people/opinions) with that because it is a provocative subject, but simply because it… I find it amusing to play with it.

 

(13:27)

Chris: To be honest, I have to say that was a little lie, we are all a bit party-gay from 2 per mile, but I believe that you are the most party-gay.

Gared: Well, of course I also celebrate it a bit, and as… 

Chris: And like Erk from Hocico said, that is not party-gay, that is homoflexible, I also liked that quite a bit.

Gared: Exactly. But the experience that I made with that, that I found just as interesting as playing with that itself was that at one point I have been informed, and I don't want to insinuate intolerance, I'm just reflecting, that apparently a considerable portion of our fan community, doesn't matter from which country, is under the perception, firmly convinced, that I am gay.

Chris: I think we can say the country, can't we?

Gared: Yeah, yes, can we, should we? Do we want to…

Chris: Don't know. Okay, we can just keep it to ourselves. But there is one…

Gared: Of course I don't want to divide (people/opinions) or stuff like that.

Chris: Right. There is one country that largely, where fans are largely convinced that you are gay. I know that from very personal…

Gared: Exactly.

Chris: …sources…

Gared: That's where I was informed about it.

Chris: but also from many questions.

Gared: Yes. And I, I just find it funny, how this picture can solidify itself that much if you obviously play with that and then, to some extent, don't really speak out about it, and how easily that can solidify then. How people, in spite of everything, regardless of how tolerant, naturally hold on to clichés a little bit, and a bit on stereotypes in a way.

Chris: What I find in- sorry.

Class: They have to explain it to themselves, of course.

Gared: Sure. One does stand out with that, of course.

 

 (14:54)

Class: They need to have an explanation. If you have a simple solution… I have also been told, "your gay keyboardist", I said "he isn't gay", "But he always wears these…” I'm like "Yeah, because he thinks it's funny".

Gared: Right. But that was in no way a malicious imputation, I just want to add, so that, ...right?

Class: But it always has to be easily explainable, like, at once.

*sound of bottles or glasses being put on the table*

Gared: Thud.

Pi: What I'm thinking is that people always need some kind of box to put someone into, because one doesn't know much about that person.

Gared: Exactly.

Pi: Right, that, with you they are convinced that you are gay, I still get asked the question, very often, in Q&As and the like, "Are you gay?" and these are questions that I don't answer, because, yeah, I know where that question comes from, you need a box here, you want to know that, so, probably, or not; maybe…

Gared: Maybe they are dating material for you? (He uses the term "Beuteschema" which can't be translated accurately; the literal translation would be "prey scheme")

Chris: Yes, you really fit into the cliché, you are just to well-groomed for a non-gay man. You know, that is also such a cliché.

Gared: 15 years ago that was called metrosexual.

Pi: Yes, totally. Metrosexual. Then, I don't mind. You can call me that, you can call me metrosexual, whatever. As I said, I don't answer these questions. What I can say, however is that this party-gayness, like with us all, it starts - well, Gerrit and I know very well that we have it.

Chris: I have videos, after all.

Pi: There are videos of it…

Gared: Holy shit.

Pi: There are videos of it?

Gared: What?

Pi: You mean…

Gared: Online?

Chris: No.

Pi: No, not online, just in the cloud.

Chris: Not YET.

Pi: Yes. I'll leave that to your imagination what that means now, what I just said.

Gared: Vagination.

Chris: Ivagination.

 

(16:36)

Pi: Erm… now I've lost the thread…right, but no, now I found it again; what I can say about myself what I noticed over the years, for one thing, I'm definitely heterosexual, but if I like or love people in any way, like my band colleagues that are gathered here and Nik, whom we will call later, then I'm also fond of physical contact with them and to be close with them in a way.

Chris: That is funny; if I may step in there for a moment, because that was, as an example, something with this, let's say, this boyfriend that I had, we were… well, this trying out was not just a little bit, we had… for a few weeks we were, like, together…

Pi: Yes.

Chris: …I found non-sexual physical contact totally delightful, he smelled totally nice and stuff. And cuddling and stuff…

Pi: That is super delightful.

Chris: …that was super nice, but- snogging also worked somehow, but as soon as it exceeded a certain limit, where it got explicitly sexual, suddenly it was completely strange to me. So I can totally understand that.

Pi: Yes, I believe that I'm also on this track, although I didn't make out with any guy besides Gared.

Gared: What? How can that be?

Pi: But, simply enjoying the closeness of a person that you like, you don't give a shit about their gender.

Gared: Exactly.

Pi: And above all, the spectrum how a person identifies, looks like a man but dresses like a woman and presents like a woman and calls herself like that; that is on one hand what you're into, with another person, but also how you identify yourself. And how you present yourself; if you present yourself as a man but call yourself a woman. These are also very convoluted things.

Gared: I mean, we already have… we already get reactions from people who are, so to say, not that familiar with the matter in which we are located, we get reactions if we were gay or the like, because we use make up for the stage or sometimes also in everyday life a bit of eye pencil or stuff like that.

Chris: It is so funny. Make Up? Gay. 

Gared: Exactly.

Pi: Yes. 

Chris: It is so crazy.

Class: Long hair also means…

Gared: That is why, it's just like that, I find this observation interesting. But likewise, here it is again: humans need boxes, humans have to categorize; are creatures of habit, after all.

Pi: Right.

Gared: That is also, I don't mean it on the level of intolerance that we are met with, but in the first place it is only an assumption. Then we can enlighten them, saying "No, 5/5 of us are heterosexual" and mostly it gets accepted well enough then.

Where it got intolerant in my opinion is, for example, that a band of five heterosexual men that put make up on are met with a certain intolerance in spite of everything for videos like for example… was it La Bomba? Because of the dance group that was in it, I think, we got lots of YouTube comments, lots of negative ones.

Class: They were called…

Chris: Because of the "Boylesque".

Class: Exactly.

Gared: Because of that and there was also some other video.

Chris: Actually every time when something was a bit gay or tranny-y, from some countries there was always… that was La Bomba and where else was it? Ah yeah, right, Loreley, because of course my long lashes in the pope costume are of course- have of course…

Gared: That is, of course, a bit difficult religiously.

Chris: Yes, that was the problem and the tranny factor. Long lashes on a man and I did that deliberately, of course it immediately has something very drag queen like.

Gared: Yes, sure.

Chris: Yes, we got, we got a strong pushback there. And to be honest? We partly do it because of that.

Gared: Yes, of course. Art has to polarize. Art that doesn't polarize is entertainment.

Pi: Of course.

Chris: Homosexual makeup already got prohibited to us in various countries before the show, because otherwise the police comes, you go to prison, we already had that, there we comply, of course, because there are countries where you don't want to go to prison, not even for that.

Class: Especially not wearing makeup.

Chris: So.

Gared: Right.

 

(20:36)

Chris: Regarding the closeness to people, or also like you say, the spiritual/mental bond, I think that fits very nicely here, Joachim Witt released his new album two weeks ago, "Rübezahls Rückkehr" (return of Rübezahl) and on that he has a song called "Kopfschwul" ("head-gay"). And in the song "Kopfschwul" he deals with the topic that for all of his life he felt something like love for certain, very close friends, male friends, without being into their body, though; but the manner in which he felt this friendship was just as close and intensive and important as the love to a woman. That is what this song is about.

Very obviously, too; there is no ornate text or the like, but straight to the point and the chorus goes like "kopfschwul, kopfschwul" and there is a super cool artwork in the booklet; for every song he had a photo taken of himself that fits to the song. There he is with lipstick, with his 70 years, looks awesome.

Pi: Awesome.

Chris: And I find that totally cool, that topic, because I totally agree with that too and I find the term "Kopfschwul" very, very beautiful.

Pi: Yes, ditto.

Gared: Yes, great.

Chris: And he directly addresses it, like there is even the line, the sentence "Bin ich denn homosexuell?" ("Am I homosexual, then?") And that is what I like with Joachim; he manages to impudently address topics so to the point, in his texts that are partially very intricate and phantasmagorical, which you can technically only do cool in German language. In one of our songs it just wouldn't work.

I think if we would make a song against intolerance in this area, we would find some other way to illustrate it, that it suits us artistically, but he could just slap that out. I found that very beautiful.

Gared: That is good.

Pi: Very beautiful.

Chris: What I wanted to say apart from that, as well, is that- What I always find very interesting are the facets, the diversity that there is. If one says, for example, "I'll go drag now, I'll dress up as a woman", what I also did for fun. We all remember Chrystal Meth Harms, who…

Class: May God rest her soul.

Gared: May GOTH rest her soul.

Chris: …returns now and then, now she died, unfortunately, but who knows, maybe she returns as a zombie. People often didn't believe me, because I consistently get asked "Now, it turns you on, doesn't it?" when I’m there in those clothes. When I say "No, it doesn't turn me on." nobody believes me and I think "Ey, I just told you entirely different things, you may well believe me."

Because, for me, for example, this "going drag" is a totally… I find it totally exciting, this, how does it feel as a woman, also, if you put some condoms filled with water into a big bra and your whole body image changes, this make up, when you talk differently; I find that super interesting, but I don't get a boner from that.

And the reason why I'm addressing that is, that here on the Kiez (could be translated with “hood” and sounds a little like “keets”, but it’s mainly used for certain areas of Hamburg and Berlin), I live near the "Große Freiheit" ("Great Freedom", a street in Hamburg St. Pauli), for you out there…

Gared: I thought Elbchaussee?

Chris: Exactly. That is near the Große Freiheit…

Class: Exactly.

Chris: and a few streets further is the Schmuckstraße (jewellery street), there is the... the "tranny red-light district", if you will. And I discussed a lot with a friend (he uses the male and then the female term for "friend") depending on how he feels that time, Manni/Jenny; for a long time there was a picture in my kitchen, of him as a man and as a woman. That, for example, is a tranny who has both. He identifies as male when he is a man and also has relationships with women from time to time, but in drag is- identifies as a woman and has sex with men, in his mental role as a woman with a male body; he is a transvestite, but not transgender.

And then I know other trannies wo just do that as a vaudeville act, like I did as Chrystal Meth, just for fun and without a sexual background.

And then, of course, at the tranny red-light district, one witnesses many men, or then women, with a transgender background, where it's also about sex reassignment and stuff. Sometimes that is really intense because at this tranny red-light district, please forgive me for that term, one is the end of the food chain. Often there are some who don't come from here, that don't speak the language, and they wish to- they aren't comfortable with their identity, they wish to have a sex reassignment surgery, but there is no money. What happens?

So, prostitution, drugs, sex reassignment surgeries, don't go well, everything sucks somehow. That, I mean, the things I saw there, the suffering, the medical suffering also, because if you have, I don't know, a million to spend and say "I just do a sex reassignment, so what", no problem.

Pi: Yes.

 

(25:36)

Chris: But sometimes it is really intense to see how much suffering arises when someone isn't comfortable in their body, that's why I am always incredibly touched and glad when we get fan mail or when trans people in different countries approach us after concerts and say "Hey, you inspire me so much and your music gives me strength" and so on. And for a long time we wanted- I don't know if you ( to Pi) know it, but you (to the others) certainly know it, we thought about making a video about that, years ago, at that time for the song "Heart For Sale".

Gared: I just wanted to mention it, too.

Chris: Exactly. With a tranny story, where we- the idea was to show the story of the suffering of a transgender person with… originally I wanted to ask Manni/Jenny, the tranny that I mentioned before, or maybe to do that with me in the main role, to show this suffering! On the one hand that totally glamorous glitter world, sequined dress, nightlife, partying, the queen of the night, yeah, all the things that drags radiate. And on the other hand this total- this pain and also the physical suffering of this… transition. Unfortunately it never worked because it didn't match the song or the budget lacked, because of course one has to be super sensitive with that topic, such a video has to be executed really well.

Pi: Yes.

Chris: Like, REALLY well, otherwise it is just crappy. But maybe there is a chance some time and it suits the song, because I still find that topic totally great for a song.

Pi: Awesome.

Gared: While you told the story I remembered exactly that song and thought "Isn't that essentially the story that this song is based on?"

Chris: Exactly. Of course you can see this song as a love story in general, like "Hey, if my heart doesn't- if you don't want my heart, I'll just sell it", But Heart For Sale, that is actually a story, it is actually about prostitution, it is actually about such a case like "Then I'll buy- I'll sell it, because I need- then I'll prostitute myself… for love", you know?

Gared: Yes, yes, exactly.

Pi: Yes.

Chris: That is it, originally it is a tranny story, that song. A tragical one.

Gared: Yes. Wow.

 

(27:33)

Chris: Well, and... yeah. Now I have talked a lot. But I think that I also have much- many thoughts about the topic or many stories to tell.

Gared: Yes, but I believe you have, in fact, had the most experiences of us, so to speak.

Chris: But have you had directly to fight against intolerance, even if it was just- or as an eye-witness somewhere where you noticed crazy stuff, where you think "Ey, crazy, shit"?

Class: Yeah, well…

Chris: Because, I mean, you used to be in gay bars and tranny bars a lot, especially a few years ago.

Class: Right, I mean, yeah, burlesque is a place everyone goes to, after all.

Chris: Yes, but I mean here, Donatella (a bar in Hamburg) and the like, that's totally…

Class: I see, yeah, right.

Chris: And here, where have we been? Where was that one- what was the name of the other bar at the Große Freiheit, where we used to be quite often, where Manni/Jenny always was? Erika!

Class: But I wasn't there much; if anything, then, here…

Chris: You always were at Donatella, I was always at Erika.

Class: Yes, exactly.

Gared: I have been there a few times with you; I found that cool.

Class: We also were there after we finished shooting Die Tomorrow, we had the after video party there.

Gared: Oh, right.

Chris: Right!

Gared: That was…

Chris: And you got- in one of these gay bars you got acquainted with the Brief Boys, too, that are playing in the La Bomba video.

Class: No, I've met them in the Home Of Burlesque in the Herbertstraße ("Herbert Street").

Chris: Oh, I thought, they were in that street next to the...

Pi: Ah, yes.

Class: So, I got acquainted with them there because I used to be a… what's it called?

Chris: …next to the Herbertstraße.

Class: Kitten. Stage Kitten.

Pi: Stage …Kitten?

 

(29:01)

Class: That means, for burlesque dancers and performers, female as well as male, just picking up their utensils; some, I don't know, clobbers, bras, whatever or some stuff that they used; and there were all kinds of people there. And per se a fact is that in my circle of friends in school, at 12 years or however old we were there, there was a classmate who was gay and who mostly hung out with me, because I was kind of a punk-skater-something-boy anyway, where it is no problem if one didn't celebrate the village sports like the others or if one worked at the DAU (Maybe the name of a workmanship company) or the like, I don't know. Erm, that was all okay and à propos party-gay I thought again; well, first I always liked flirting with gays because I had the courage to do that more easily than with women, because I am… not afraid of women, but I am always so shy, so I don't flirt.

Chris: I see…

Class: And then it was easier for me there because I knew I had nothing to lose or to gain, and it was really easy and fun for me, just to make gays hot.

Chris: So you are a real tease-and-denial-asshole.

Pi: I HATE...… (inaudible) 

Class: They knew it, but, well then you make them hot a little bit and play a little bit and stuff, I don't know. But that's a very long time ago. And the last time, as I just noticed, was somewhere in Florence in, I think the club was named "Blue Banana" or the like…

Gared: We all know that.

Chris: Well, Florence… I can remember that night. I can remember that I remember very little from that night.

Gared: Yeah.

Class: But I think. I don't even know if I was there with you, I have no idea…

Chris: We were there, too, some time, I think.

Class: …or with my then-girlfriend, too and then- but it was really quite funny and then… I went up there to do table dance, at the pole, then made out with some guy, but I don't remember exactly… but at the point where he went into my pants and fumbled around there a bit, I just thought, ey…

Chris: …and he realized there's nothing to be gained.

Class: Nah, firstly, it is small, secondly, it stays small.

Gared: Kampfstachel (the literal translation would be "battle sting" and means a very small penis)

Class: Oh, you, you know what?

Gared: But it also comes very fast.

Class: And then I thought "No, you'll go back down there and drink another beer and that was it". But that was-

Gared: Wise decision.

Class: That is just for fun, you know, where you signify to the other guy, "Hey, sorry, there is nothing to gain here, but it was kinda funny anyway", so, but well…

À propos intolerance, as Chris already mentioned, you see it on the Kiez very plainly. I think one of the best examples is something that you see very often when you, in my case sober, return from a job or something, walk along the Talstraße ("valley street") and in front of you there are three province party-goers who believe themselves to be really…

Gared: Pinneberger. (meaning people from Hamburg's district Pinneberg)

Class: Yes, I- yes.

Pi: Province party-goers is such an awesome word!

Class: Yes, yes, exactly, they…

Pi: (32:12) This..........(inaudible)

Gared: Plus spiked hair with bleached ends.

Class: They are so… of course they feel immortal, they are slightly inebriated, kinda alcoholised, whatever. And then two, like two or three gals are walking in their direction, with enormous breasts, thick butts, wasp waists, really dolled up; the boys are instantly horny, like super excited and just aroused by the gals.

Pi: Cavemen. 

Class: And simply because- because I walked after them or next to them as kind of a bystander, I just said, or I went towards them or something like that, so they were already past each other and they were still like horny dogs. (the literal translation of "scharf wie Nachbars Lumpi" would be "hot like the neighbour's Lumpi", with Lumpi being a dog's name)

And then I said to them, like, "Hey, but you know that they are trannies, right?"

Chris: Chicks with dicks!

Class: And then suddenly it shifts, "Ey ohhh, how shitty, what cunts!" Sorry for using that now…

Gared: Well, precisely not! (referring to the "cunts")

Chris: Yes, wicked, right?

Class: …and "Ey, such crap, ey, piss off!" where I thought, you are so stupid, that is…

Pi: Just a compensation of their own insecurities.

Chris: That's so nice, I also have a story there, of Manni/Jenny who went home from the Erika bar as Jenny then, only to the Talstraße and also really got teased by some random guy-

Class: You mean teased in a horny way? "Hey, you there…"? Insulted?

Chris: No, no, no, like-

Pi: Sexist. Harassed.

Chris: No, like really, really insulted.

Class: Ah, okay.

Chris: And the guy still waited there. And then he went home, and Jenny, as Manni, he is a really strong and masculine guy. He put his Adidas sweatpants on again, calmly removed his makeup, went back and punched the guy.

Pi: Cool. Nice.

Class: Very.

Chris: And he described this story so beautifully, embellished it so beautifully, told it multiple times… no, I found that very, very cool.

 

(33:45)

Gared: I mean, surely you go to this area of the Kiez knowing that you'll encounter something like that there, right?

Chris: Well, a few precisely don't, as you just heard.

Pi: That is the-

Class: That are the Pinnebergian retards.

Gared: Sorry to all Pinnebergians.

Pi: No, not to ALL of them.

Chris: Of course, if you don't dare to admit, like, "Somehow I found her- I found her really hot, now. Oh, that is a man. Wow, that triggered me anyway, it’s okay." No, it's not okay. Of course you have to get offensive instead.

But hey, that reminds me of a thing, since you are saying Talstraße, here, and Kiez and blah. Do you remember, a few months ago, when we had a night out? I mean, I don't go out much. Because recently we had the idea "Let's go to the WunderBar" (can be read as "wonderful", "wonder bar" or "miracle bar").

Class: I wasn't there with you, I think.

Pi: Ah yes, yes, right. We stood in front of the WunderBar then.

Class: Ah, where we DIDN'T go inside?

Chris: Exactly. And the WunderBar, the WunderBar is a...

Pi: Gay club.

Chris: It's one of the most important central gay bars in the Kiez.

Pi: Yes.

Chris: And then we got there and apparently we looked very un-gay because at the entrance they were like "But you know that this is a gay bar?" We're like "Yes…" "You want to come in here?" "Yes." "There is an entrance fee." "Yes, how much?" And then he told us some price, which was too much for us; we didn't go in there then because it was just- we really only wanted to go there for...

Class: What was it, 10€ or something like that.

Chris: …for 20 minutes - right. But that was so- totally- that was- well, we virtually had to explain why we wanted to go in there. I found that quite interesting.

Pi: Pffff…

Class: It seemed like he had made up a price in that moment, just to get rid of us.

Chris: Yes, exactly.

Pi: I think that happens out of self-protection. That the- I mean, no, not for themselves personally, but for the situation, the mood in the whole bar when they say…

Chris: I understand that, too.

Pi: ..when they say "Ey, heterosexuals, if they are this kind of province dumbasses again"...

Chris: Yes, yes, exactly.

Pi: …who are saying "We want to booze here, to the dance floor" and then they only see men there and then they feel stepped on their toes and think they'd have to tear the place apart.

Chris: No, I totally understand that, it was just so weird because he didn't know that we knew that it's a gay bar, and we were up for it, because it has a cool flair, that bar. Because it is- that is so…that's just really a rainbow in there, really beautiful, I just was up for that then. And we all were like "Okay, then let's go to the WunderBar." And then we didn't get in, virtually. 

Pi: Virtually not?

 

(35:54)

Class: Let's say it like that, they could have handled it better if he'd assessed us and saw "Oh, everything's cool" and "come on in".

Chris: Yes; as I said, it is just a funny story. Maybe, if you don't have anything anymore, to-

Pi: I have, I have got-

Chris: Yes, exactly.

Pi: two more short things in addition.

Gared: Well, I'd also have a final one.

Pi: Not towards me, that there had been malicious words towards me in any kind or that I had been discriminated against or harassed, even though I am more of a soft…

Chris: A poofter!

*laughter*

Chris: We said beforehand, everything we say is not insulting! So.

Pi: So, so!

Gared: He didn't know better! So…

Pi: Exactly! I'm just not the typical…

Gared: Punk.

Pi: …man …like, who is into football and guzzles beer and "woman has to cook food, has shorter feet, can stand closer to the stove" and so on.

Gared: But nicely said.

Chris: Oh that's why.

Pi: But nicely said! *in a mocking voice*

Gared: That's nice.

Pi: I mean, no, zero. Zero, zero, zero. Just like we…

Chris: And watching lesbian porn is okay. Because that's not gay, or what? So.

 

(37:00) 

Pi: One shouldn't have to apologize for anything, that you ......(inaudible, sorry) Oh man. Just like you said yesterday, these are rather feminine traits. What I told you…

Chris: Yes. Yes, exactly.

Pi: … yesterday while rope skipping you said that these are rather feminine traits. But what I have experienced some time, was a homosexual person who was completely stoked, or maybe also dumbfounded, that they weren't met with discrimination. That was at a Christmas party, I believe at the SAE; at a Christmas party at my old uni, at OUR old uni…

Gared: So…

Pi: …and I was dancing a bit there, like, on the dance floor and then a guy a approaches me and tells me, like, "Hey, nice shirt!" and I'm like "...thanks?" but he didn't leave, but told me "Hey… nice shirt!" and just touched the shirt, then touched me, I'm like "Ah… you are hitting on me!" He's like "Yes", I'm like "Nnngh… well, I... it's cool, but I like women.” I said to him. He's like "I see! Oh, I'm sorry for that." he said to me! And I'm like-

Chris: Just imagine being triggered that much over the years that you feel the need to apologize-

Pi: That's crazy, right?

Chris: A woman would never do that!

Gared: No, right.

Pi: That is intense, that he has to feel sorry towards someone else for his sexual orientation. I mean that is very respectful of him, but already… above that!

Chris: If you have been shaped like that, it is sad.

Pi: That is- In that moment I didn't find it super sad, I didn't think about it that much, but now that I'm talking about it again I find it super sad. Then I told him "Huh, you don't have to be sorry for that. It was a compliment after all, that's cool. Well, that for my shirt and that you hit on me; a compliment for me."

 

(38:42)

Gared: Maybe he felt sorry for YOU that…

Pi: Therefore…

Class: Just imagine-

Chris: "You like vaginas? I feel sorry for you!" That's what he meant!

Pi: Yes, exactly. "You don't know what you're missing out on!" and I really don't know what I'm missing out on. Maybe I am missing out on something.

Chris: I do know what I'm missing out on. So.

Gared: But imagine the same happening, a guy hitting on a lady on the dance floor, she's like "sorry, I like women"…

Chris: Then he'd say "awesome!"

Class: "Fancy a threesome?"

Pi: Yes yes yes! Good one.

Pi: The thing is….

Gared: Sometimes our gender is really something to be…

Pi: …ashamed of.

Gared: …ashamed of.

Pi: Anyway, that guy was super cool, he was like… paused for a moment and then he was like "Hm…"

Gared: A moment of silence.

Pi: "Okay… By the way, I am here with a lot of (female) friends, come along!", that was…

Class: That is cool.

Pi: …awesome!

Class: Win-win!

Gared: Although, well, technically not win, I mean…

Class: That reminds me of...

Pi: That's relatively… It was good for him to introduce me to all his friends. That was, erm…

Gared: Fruitful?

Pi: …very nice, and a second short story, recently I was in St. Georg (district of Hamburg), Lange Reihe ("Long row", a street there) there in that area-

Chris: Wait a second; for those who don't know that and who aren't from Hamburg: St. Georg is kinda the gay…

Pi: The gay neighbourhood, kinda.

Class: The Mecca.

Chris: There are a few of them. There is also a small centre on the Kiez, like Talstraße and around. 

Pi: Yes.

Chris: But St. Georg is a really big gay centre there.

Pi: Exactly. And I was there at the birthday party of my girlfriend's neighbour and there's the... the circle of acquaintances and friends mainly consists of homosexuals, transgender people, et cetera. I went into there, I believe that I really was the only heterosexual at that party apart from, well, the neighbour of my girlfriend…

Chris: Did she also live in St. Georg?

Pi: …and my girlfriend herself.

Chris: I had a New Year's Eve party there some time; I also was the only heterosexual there; we both were there.

Pi: Yes. That was…

Gared: You weren't entirely the only one there! We were there together.

Chris: That was one of the most awesome New Year's Eve parties!

Gared: It was SUPER awesome!

Pi: I go in there, say hello and I- you know that, if you don't- I hardly knew anybody there. If you come to parties, there are these moments where you get checked by people but they aren't really able to say hello so they try to classify you, that are not open at all. So, they communicate with you with their eyes but they don't say hello to you.

Chris: So, someone like me!

 

(40:58)

Pi: Exactly. But with you it's an entirely different thing; but at parties, this typical "hi, well, yeah, okay, sorry, eh…" And there, the second that I got in, was like "Hey, hi" and said hello and got compliments and gave compliments and it was just a super nice arrival; I don't want to say that judgemental in any way to the effect that homosexuals, transgender people, howsoever, were much better people or the like.

Chris: But I actually experience a different openness and cheerfulness.

Pi: But it was such a- it was so awesome to arrive there and-

Chris: Well, the word "gay" is not without a reason.

Pi: Yes, right.

Chris: That is meant to mean "happy, cheerful".

Pi: Happy, cheerful, yes. It was such a pleasant atmosphere from second 1. And I felt so comfortable there and that was such a nice evening. That was really nice.

Chris: I have a final story as well, that totally touched me; that was shortly after my son had been enrolled in school, when he was barely 6. And then it starts on the schoolyard, with all the insults, all these things. "Fuck your mother" already comes in first grade. And also something like "You are a poofter, faggot, sissy", all these things. And one time he says. "Tell me dad, what is a faggot?" I'm like "That is an insult for someone who is gay". He's like "And what is gay?" I could explain that to him very easily; I said "You know Fred, right?” a friend of ours, of our family, "Yes." I'm like "and Fred has a boyfriend." "Yes" "Daniel. And they are a couple. Just like other people are together somehow, girlfriend, boyfriend or married, in the most cases you know it's men and women, they are together." He's like "Yes". I'm like "Yes, and that is called gay. If two men are together, love each other, it is gay, with two women one says lesbian, generally one says homosexual." Explained everything to him, he understood it, something like that you even understand as a 6 year old, then he says "Yes, okay. But that doesn't answer my question." I'm like "What is your question, then?" he's like "Well, why do they say it as an insult?" He's like "Well, they say that I'm like Fred, then, but why is that an insult?" Then I had to explain to him why it is an insult and he was completely shocked about the fact that something like that…

Gared: …can be something bad.

Chris: … still is not normal and even was prohibited until a few years ago. And I found that very beautiful that I got to be witness to the situation that there is a generation growing up, not everywhere, because there still are bogans that- "Get away from there, he is gay, don't let him touch you, boy!"...

Pi: Yes, yes….

Chris: …raise their children like that; but that I saw, all right, my son doesn't understand why "you are gay" is an insult. And I found that- that moved me to tears.

Gared: Yes.

Pi: That is super.

Class: Indeed.

Pi: That is super.

Gared: That is…

Class: Because you are gay.

Gared: …the right direction. There.

Chris: No, that is-

Gared: You've got to say it sometimes.

Chris: I found it just beautiful. Yeah, maybe at this point we want to-

Gared: That is, in my opinion, the best closing anecdote for this.

Class: Yes.

Chris: Exactly. Then there is a thing I wanted to- the topic of luxury problems. Why that's important to me is the following: As you know, often enough I also say it in Interviews, I am one of these people that always try to be happy and motivated and positive, because I am aware that there are people all over the world who are much worse off than me, the reason being that we are among the richest of the rich! We are sitting here in a room that is heated, here are guitars hanging on the wall, we ordered food for ourselves…

 

(44:39)

Class: We can drink as much water as we want!

Chris: Exactly.

Class: It comes from the tap.

Chris: Exactly. It's clean. Here are more smartphones lying on the table than people are sitting at the table. We are stinking rich.

Gared: Ideationally as financially, yes.

Chris: That means I wouldn't have the nerve to constantly post all this crap on Facebook that I always have to read. These posts by people sometimes that I always have to read, where I think "Dude, what kinds of problems you have?" If I have to read such a post one more time, in the style of "The battery of the remote was dead, so I had to walk to the TV to switch the program.", like, this kind of problems, I've had it! (The literal translation of the phrase"...krieg ich die Krätze" would be "...I'm getting scabies"). But sometimes I also get upset by things that I would simply caption as luxury problems.

Pi: Yes.

Chris: and I think it's perfectly legitimate to make space for that now, to be completely egoistic for a short moment and to forget…

Pi: Okay.

Chris: …that there are people who are that miserable and to talk about the really important things: about luxury problems!

Gared: So.

Pi: Okay, that means that here is the safe zone for luxury problems right now.

Gared: For Hedonism.

Pi: For free… for Hedonism, right.

Chris: Absolutely. 

Pi: Okay.

Gared: Okay.

Pi: Good.

Class: It's actually not that easy, to be honest, to press something out of your head there right now. 

Pi: Well, in my opinion that was already the first example, like empty batteries in remote controls.

Chris: Yes.

 

(45:58)

Pi: Super shitty. I mean, you are pushing even harder and even harder and think „Yes, I'll still get the 8, I can switch to channel 8 now.“

Chris: Yes.

Class: Right.

Pi: And it just doesn't work.

Class: And then you turn- You turn the batteries like that. And you think „if I move them now…“

Pi: Yeah. You blow onto them or the like, I don't know...

Class: Exactly.

Pi: Whatever voodoo you invent there, it helps. Erm, and the stressful thing afterwards is also, I don't have batt- I haven't got any new batteries anymore.

Gared: Shit.

Pi: I'll have to buy new ones now.

Gared: The kiosk is so far away.

Chris: And then you have to leave the house.

Pi: I have to go to the supermarket that is located directly in my gentrified neighbourhood and have to buy new ones. And they are also really expensive, so I take the ones by Gut&Günstig („Good&Inexpensive“, a brand that sells all kinds of stuff for low prices).

Gared: So…

Pi: …and not the ones by Varta (popular battery brand). So, that is shit.

Chris: And now imagine-

Gared: Jetzt Varta mal! (pun, „Jetzt warte mal!“ means „now wait!“, with „warte“ sounding similar to „Varta“)

Chris: Imagine, you all know that, you are lying in the tour bus, trying to fall asleep, watching a porn movie…

Pi: One?

Chris: … and then, on the highway…

Gared: I'm always listening to five when I'm trying to fall asleep.

Pi: From one bed!

Chris: So…

Gared: And in one bed it actually happens!

Chris: And then suddenly you have edge net. This.

*upset LotL noises*

 

(47:01)

Gared: That would have been my topic, too.

Pi: And it doesn't load!

Gared: My topic would have been indeed something like network coverage, internet and such in Germany.

Chris: Yes, please.

Gared: I mean, of course, in that regard we are…

Chris: What are your most negative experiences?

Class: And then you are waiting until you are past the border from Poland, so you are finally back in Germany so you have the better net connection again.

Chris: So.

Gared: But the bad thing is…

Pi: Could also be in Switzerland.

Gared: The bad thing is that we are incredibly put positioned on Germany, regarding mobile network coverage.

Chris: Just like…

Pi: True. 

Gared: Regarding WiFi-accessibility, every other country, even those that are, I dare to say…

Chris: Well, we are also talking about a problem of business and education, there, so that is not entirely…

Gared: …are below us, gross domestic product wise, still have free WiFi everywhere and all that stuff. Here I wonder why we are so far behind that we can't even really have connectivity everywhere.

Chris: Merkel already said it, it is new territory. (German Federal chancellor Angela Merkel once mentioned that and it became a running gag).

Gared: Yes and it also won't prevail, the internet, that is obvious, but as long as it exists, it may as well work. So, sometimes I really get upset about that, in the year 2020...

Pi: Yes!

Gared: …if something like the internet, doesn't matter if it is at home or outside, somehow doesn't- somehow doesn't work properly. There I think „That already works better in other countries. “

Chris: And, wait a sec, sorry, sushi has to be here soon.

Gared: There I think „That already works better in other countries. “ That.

Chris: We are at it. The timer has run down at the website, the display already shows 0 minutes and sushi isn't here yet!

Class: This!

Gared: This!

Pi: Our Sushi.

Gared: We are going to throw it away immediately because it can't be good anymore.

Pi: No.

 

(48:16)

Gared: Oh, another week of vacation? I want to go home.

Pi: It's gotten cold.

Chris: Oh. Please, as a small tip to this- alas, we wanted to establish a playlist, yes, with Lord of the Lost songs that we are talking about.

Class: Right.

Gared: So, "Heart For Sale".

Chris: Yes. Small tip: There is a song by Deichkind, a band that we all love very much and that we always listen to while doing make up; the song is called "Mehr Als Lebensgefährlich" ("More Than Life-threatening").

Pi: Oh yes.

Chris: Please listen to that one. That is actually the soundtrack to this topic now.

Gared: Exactly.

Pi: Exactly. That one or "Heul Doch" by Swiss&Die Andern. ("Heul" means "cry", in a mocking way. "Doch" can't be accurately translated here. The English equivalent of that sentence would be "Cry me a river".)

Chris: "Heul Doch" is also super. Right, that is the same topic.

Pi: The beautiful expression "Du erste-Welt-Geburt! Du hast kein hartes Leben!" ("You first-world-birth! You don't have a hard life!" The term "erste-Welt-Geburt" is assumeably a reference to the German insult "Missgeburt", meaning "misscarriage", or literally translated "mis-birth".)

Chris:  Oh yes. Marvellous. Oh, absolutely. We have to briefly write that down. Wait, what did we have? We had "Heart For Sale"...

Pi: Exactly.

Gared: …"Lebensgefährlich"...

Pi: No, "Mehr Als Lebensgefährlich".

Chris: …"Mehr Als Lebensgefährlich"...

Pi: And "Heul Doch".

Chris: …and "Heul Doch!". One thing that I actually would like to address here that is- that counts as a luxury problem for me because it upsets me at that moment, though actually it is not just a luxury problem but actually not that innocuous, is the lack of understanding for zip merging in road traffic.

Pi: Oh yes. Just saw it again earlier today.

Class: Oh yes. In front of an emergency lane I just experienced it. 

Chris: Two lanes turn into one. Doesn't matter if the left one turns into the right one or the right one into the left one. Doesn't matter if there is a construction site or if the street narrows. For all those out there that may not have paid attention in driving school, what you are doing is the following: Doesn't matter on which lane you are, especially when you are on the one that turns into the other one later…

Pi: The one in the zip.

Chris: …don't say "oh, the lane ends in 200 metres, I'll already turn to the right now"! You drive until the end, until the very end. Indicate and then you turn. The problem is-

Gared: Maybe you have to brake a little bit or to draw up, but…

Class: The problem is, the problem is that then coincidenta-

Chris: No, wait, wait. Now I want to- We are talking now-

Class: Well, I thought you'd just finished.

Chris: No, no.

 

(50:17)

Gared: Also a luxury problem at this point.

Class: So, now I am talking! (“So, jetzt rede ich!” reference to a German reality TV show where a character yells this.)

Chris: Yes. Halt, stop! (reference to the same show) So. And the one, one from the straight lane goes, then the other one from the turn lane, constantly alternating, left, right, left, right, zap! Because that is a zip. What we are doing is a hook-and-loop-fastener and that is so annoying.

Class: Yes, of course.

Chris: Primarily that is not only a luxury problem, it is dangerous, too; and when these 200 metres stay free you virtually hinder- you cause 200 metres of cars to move around further back in the city traffic that is crowded anyway. So, the thing that does- Now I'm coming to my luxury problem why I get angry then. One of the few moments where I get angry in road traffic. In front of me there is a guy that hinders me. I am on the lane that has to pull over.

Pi: Yes.

Chris: He hinders me so he could finally get in. Then he managed to get in. Then I drive past him, because I go until the end, of course. He honks at me and yells at me, bolts as far ahead as to just manage to purposely not let me in.

Pi: Yes, exactly. Right.

Class: Yes.

Gared: Just let him have his triumph.

Class: But also those in general that are standing further ahead and actually want to cross the traffic light, don't want to let you across. Because then they- yeah, you know, I'm standing here and he just drives there, that is…

Gared: There is a complete resentment reigning in road traffic.

Class: I also got massively accosted once because in an emergency corridor - because I was the one on the right side who clears the middle - I drove too far to the right. The guy was still able to get past me on the right, but he meant that it's absolutely not okay for me to make too much room for the fire brigade and such.

Chris: Huh? That is-

Gared: I think however one is doing it, one is doing it wrong.

Class: Yes, because if they would go slowly they would still get through, but the intent and purpose of the whole thing is after all that the fire brigade, which are big trucks, and also ambulances…

Pi: They have to get to the place of action fast, man!

Class: …are able to get through fast, that's why I just want to generate as much space for them as possible, if I am going at walking pace, anyway. And mainly you have to make space even more clearly so the people behind you, who don't understand that and normally could drive past you, also get it eventually, that you aren't just stupid and drive as much to the right, but that you also want to form an emergency corridor.

 

(52:17)

Chris: I also went past a red traffic light recently, because there was an ambulance coming behind me and I stood at the very front and, I don't know, anyhow I could make space for them by navigating in front of another car, turning and crossing the red traffic light a bit.

Pi: Yes.

Chris: Which you have to do at that moment, of course. I did that, they pass me, of course I don't see the red traffic light behind my back, then, that means that I assume that the other driver looks at me on a friendly way or honks once. No, as the light got green, he honked and loudly, loudly yelled. I just saw gestures like this and a red face, so…

Pi: That is so-

Gared: He likely arrived at his destination one second too late.

Pi: Yes.

Gared: Funny that you mention it; a buddy from my hometown failed his driving test exactly because of something like that, crossing a red light because of an arriving ambulance from behind, because the driving instructor said „Yes, you did the right thing but de facto you ran a red light“.

Pi: What a dumbass.

Gared: Utter arbitrariness.

Class: *pondering noises*

Gared: But it is right. Yes, but it was also red.

Pi: Oh God, dude!

Chris: I also had something like that at my driving test!

Gared: You lose… what do you lose there? 500€ or what does that crap cost? … What, I don't know.

Pi: What an ass-head.

Class: I also got caught by a speed camera one time as I let an ambulance pass, because I crossed a red light there.

Gared: Did you get something there? Or were you able to prove it or…?

Class: No, I didn't get anything because they saw…

Gared: Where is the luxury problem, then?

Class: Yes, sorry!

Gared: THAT is a luxury problem, right? 

Pi: Well, he had to deal with this topic for a moment.

Class: Yes, exactly.

Pi: Yes.

Gared: Instead… instead of... I don't know…

Pi: That, too, is a luxury-

Class: Not really a luxury problem.

Gared: …surfing in the 4G internet or the like.

Pi: Yes, I have… I have got another luxury problem regarding the topic of food, since we ordered food now. But if you sit in a restaurant, for example and, I don't know, you ordered potatoes as a side dish and you get rice.

Gared: *laughs* Sorry.

Chris: Oh! There I've got-

Pi: And then you get upset because you… or you get your steak, if you eat meat, you get it medium instead of medium rare.

Class: Ooh, yeah.

 

(54:02)

*Just babbling without content*

Pi: You get it in medium. Of course, when you treat yourself to something like a steak, filet, whatever, then you want… of course you want- I mean, then they could as well do it correctly!

Chris: Did you ever try to order a doner without onions? So.

Class: I always order double onions.

Pi: No!

Gared: You didn’t get it at all.

Pi: That HAS TO smell! That has to smell.

Chris: Yes, but if you… me too, but I know people who do that; it never works.

Pi: That has to smell. No, doesn't work.

Gared: Because it's nonsense, who orders a doner without onions?

Chris: Well, that's true, wait, then here's my luxury problem. See: You order a doner, yes? You go there. That is a REAL luxury problem at night. „Hello! I'd like to have a doner in a pita bread, with veal, with a little more salad, a little less meat and extra sheep's cheese, please.“ „Doner? “ „Yes…“ „Dürüm? Pita bread? “„Pita bread. “ „Veal? Chicken? “„Veal. “ So, it actually doesn't matter; I could also say in the beginning „Hello, I'm a complete idiot and I'm wearing a red hat.“

Pi: And then the answer comes: „Doner? “

Class: They’re not… they’re not switched on yet, those machines. 

Gared: Der Gerät. („the machine“, but with the wrong article before it. Reference to a video clip where someone used that term for a doner grill.)

Pi: Yes, there is a clear- obviously a very precise ordering etiquette…

Chris: Yes, even if I...

Pi: and YOU don't adhere to it in that moment.

Chris: …yes, when I order at AsiaQuick here, right…

Pi: Yes.

Chris: Here, at AsiaQuick at the Kiez.

Pi: Do you get food there or…?

Gared: No, like…

Chris: Every time, EVERY time there is something wrong. One thing is missing and one thing is wrong.

Pi: Yes. Definitely that. That… is so shitty.

Class: Yes. So.

Gared: But we'd like to… should emphasize at this point that it does not ruin our life and ahead not our day.

Class: But that’s what it is about!

Pi: But that's why it is- that's why it is called luxury problems!

Chris: We are sitting in the cheese dome of luxury problems, now.

Pi: Alright.

Chris: At this time there are no other problems in this world.

Pi: Exactly. And a propos food:

Gared: But somehow there are: that our sushi is not here.

Pi: Now imagine we would, I don't know, watch a really exciting show, a really exciting movie and we're eating crisps. And they are really loud in the head. And then you can't hear anymore what exactly happens there.

Chris: Oh, that's annoying, right?

Pi: Mega annoying.

 

(55:50) 

Chris: Oh, do you know what I .........? (inaudible)

Class: That's what you've got your surround sound for!

Gared: Dynamic?

Chris: Dynamic!

Gared: Thanks! I wanted… I had exactly the same idea!

Chris: No one on this planet needs 24 but dynamics on DVDs and other media.

Pi: *yawning* Nerd, nerd, nerd.

Chris: You need… no, this! No, this! Like, this 24 bit- for you out there that means that the difference between the quietest signal or the loudest signal of the movie you're watching is extremely high. You don't need something like that.

Pi: No, that is shit.

Chris: For movies 16 or even less is sufficient.

Class: Let's put it this way: interestingly enough some equipments offer that.

Chris: May I explicate that here, perhaps?

Class: I see. Yes!

Gared: No.

Chris: Yeah? Because my equipment does not offer that! There!

Class: Well, mine doesn't, either! 

Chris: And then you watch- and then you watch some movie and then you don't understand anything when they whisper and suddenly everything explodes and it's 3 am!

Class: Yes, I know, I know exactly…

Chris: Well! I don't have a Midnight Mode! So!

Gared: For some people there's actually something exploding at 3am.

Class: I don't have one either, which I find totally absurd and shitty.

Pi: Oh, dude, so deep.

Gared: Well, do you know what I find a horrible, luxury problem? If the beer is empty.

*beer bottle thumps onto the table*

Class: Why is it like that, by the way, that, when you talk to somebody on the phone and you have your headphones on, ear pods or how these things are called, and someone prepares food and and they hit glass with a spoon. Why do your ears explode then?

Pi: That's so crazy, right? *collision noise* Oooaaaah!

Gared: Because the microphones- because the telephones compress that so strongly that even somehow quiet noises get brought out that much…

Class: Because…

Gared: …despite also filtering out ambient noises.

Class: That is- that is so blatantly a godawful luxury problem.

 

(57:14)

Pi: And then it's also high-frequent, that noise, meaning that…

Class: Babble blabber („laberrhabarber“, literally translated would mean. „Babble rhubarb“), but then suddenly someone opens the bag of crisps, krrrrrrrrrk, and then you think your ears are falling off and your brain is bursting, whatever.

Pi: Yes.

Class: That's absolutely terrible.

Chris: Do you know what I find really bad? When a pair of glasses is dirty, there are different fabrics.  Some fabrics clean the glasses quite splendid, others-

Gared: Those from the Lord-shop, for example.

Chris: Exactly. Others just smudge it extremely bad, that is like rubbing butter over your glasses. And one of my most beautiful glasses-cleaning stories is that one time when I tried to clean my glasses, back when I was a child - that was on the beach on Sylt somehow - and then my father comes and says, like „Oh, come on, I'll do that“, krrrrk krrrrk krrrrk krrrrrk krrrrk krrrrk, there was still sand in the towel! I got new spectacle lenses then, but the next few days of vacation still were quite stupid.

Pi: Yes.

Class: Quite blurred, too. The memory of this vacation is quite blurry.

Chris: Yeah…

Gared: I see.

Class: Yes, luxury problem, right?

Gared: Ah, beautiful!

Class: So, I got everything, Philips Hue and Amazon Echo, of course there are also other systems, they all are great and stuff,-

Pi: Bill Gates would have incriminated you. Irony, by the way.

Chris: Alright, of course now the food actually doesn't arrive.

Gared: What?

Class: And in almost every room - except where I can talk to the light - I've got motion detectors; that means everything goes on automatically and when I'm not in the room everything goes out again automatically. Except for the bathroom, where I have an extra light besides the automatic light, if I want it to be very bright. And then you go to bed, all lights go out, respectively the bedroom doesn't, then you tell your Echo "please turn off the light", everything goes out, you know, everything is so easy, like always, and then you realize that there is still light in the bathroom.

Gared: There I appreciate the times-

Chris: That's annoying.

Pi: That's annoying.

Gared: There I appreciate the times where the - ever so often praised in teleshopping - *clapping sound*

Pi: Clapping light.

Gared: Clap on, clap off.

Class: Well…

Pi: Which can be really shitty when having sex.

Class: That's why I can...to the light, I'm talking to the light.

*cellphone rings*

Chris: There's the Sushi! One moment, please.

-*recording pause* -

 

(59:07)

Gared: And we're back again!

Pi: And we're back again!

Gared: And we're back again!

Chris: Alright, sorry. Now we can….

Pi: Welcome back!

Chris: …end the topic of luxury problems…

Class: Can we?

Chris: …because our food is here.

Class: Right.

Chris: And I'm quickly washing my hands because I'm coming from outside.

Class: That means all luxury problems are…

Chris: …are solved.

Class: …solved.

Pi: Yes. Because we've got food.

Gared: Alright.

Class: I don't know what kind of luxury problem I even… even…

Chris: Pi, meanwhile could you explain city, country, backstage!

Pi: No, I still have, well, yeah, are luxury problems over now, or what?

Chris: No, you still can, if you want to!

Gared: Well, if you still have something, spill it!

Chris: We don't want to make a luxury problem out of it!

Pi: Oh…

Class: Haha!

Pi: Wow.

Gared: Now spill it, I have to go to work again on Monday!

Pi: The topic, I don't know whom it affects, but… it affects you in terms of shoes, of your vans shoes: What should I wear?

Chris: Yes, I've got so many.

Pi: Yes. What should I wear?

Chris: Yes, shit.

Pi: That is really shit. Which black longsleeve am I wearing today?

Chris: Oh, I know one there!

Pi: Yes!

Chris: Do you know that? You are thinking, "Oh, Netflix today" and then there is so much and you can't decide.

Class: Yes.

Pi: Yes, options enough and to spare.

Chris: And then you turn it off.

Pi: …and, after all, watch a... porn movie.

Gared: Pornhub. *with a very German accent*

Pi: And then it falls- next you have the problem, you are lying on your back and watch something on your cellphone…

Chris: And then it turns?

Pi: And then it turns…. ohhhh

Gared: But you can- but you can disable that!

Pi: And then it turns- you can disable that, I even did disable that. Or the cellphone falls into your face because you are too tired.

Chris: Yes. That happened too, now and then, in the bus.

Pi: Safe.

Chris: Nose almost broken.

Pi: Cellphones…

Chris: Got a black eye once.

Pi: …I mean iPhones are really heavy!

Chris: Yes, especially the big 12 Pro.

Pi: That is certainly heavy.

Gared: With your pla- with a platin case around…erm….so.

Pi: Yes, but that was my… contribution to-

Gared: Just my two cents.

Class: Yes.

Pi: Yes.

Chris: I had a lot of luxury problems on tour, too; maybe we'll also make a distinct topic out of that some time, like things that happen on tour when we are well coordinated and expect a certain course of action and are used to the crew…

Pi: Yes.

Chris: …and then somewhere something doesn't work, because in foreign countries we don't have the whole crew with us.

Pi: Yes.

Chris: Can we, by chance… about such…

Pi: Yes, such a- such tour-

Gared: Right.

Chris: We'll do luxury problems on tour, that is something entirely different.

Gared: Alright, that is to say, one also has to get used to a new crew, because one kicked the rest of the crew out because something didn't work.

Pi: Yes.

Gared: Well. THAT is shit.

Chris: Well.

Gared: What? No. What?

*burping*

Chris: Wow.

Gared: Beautiful.

Class: Oh, am I looking forward to the next tour again!

Chris: Yes.

Gared: Yes, 2022.

Chris: 43 can come.

Class: I specially wanted to buy a scooter, such a small…

Pi: Like, an e-scooter?

Class: Yes, e-, without e, but a scooter…

Pi: Kick scooter?

Class: Kick scooter.

Gared: Yes, because the distances that one has to cover, are also always a real luxury problem.

Pi: Ey, let's- let's- get a city scooter then we can do tricks with that.

Class: Yes, I was on the brink of getting such a scooter and now I can't take it with me on tour.

Chris: Now it isn't possible anymore, with Hartz IV. (Hartz IV is a German unemployment benefit)

Class: Yeah, er… has something true in it, has something true in it.

Pi: Wow.

 

(61:55)

Chris: Yes. So, folks, we've got a new game… 

Pi: Woohoo!

*guitar sound*

Chris: Pi and I recently started it while rope skipping.

Pi: While roping.

Chris: While roping.

Gared: Better than groping.

Chris: G-roping.

Pi: Wow.

Chris: Namely it's called "City, Country, Backstage".

*guitar sound*

Pi: Wow.

Chris: We are working with jingles now.

Pi: This episode is sponsored by… Sushi4Friends.

*guitar sound*

Chris: We are working clockwise here now and-

Gared: From my or your position?

Chris: I'll just start now.

Class: Yes.

Pi: Summer or winter time?

Chris: First I'll call Nik now and ask if he's with us.

Gared: And then he says no and hangs up.

Class: Well, he can do that, right? He can do that.

Chris: What does the candle say?

Gared: You can assume that. (German pun. "Davon kannst Du ausgehen" means "You can assume that" but can also mean "You can go out by that").

Chris: Yes.

Gared: Okay, Pi is gone vomiting.

*dial tone*

Gared: Y'know, that would be so Nik.

Pi: Ah. I had to vomit quickly.

Nik: Yo!

Chris: Hello, did we interrupt you?

Nik: No, everything's fine.

Gared: Too bad.

Chris: Are you ready to play a round of "City, Country, Backstage" with us?

Pi: You are live!

Nik: Er, what do I have to play?

Chris: No, not live. We are doing a podcast at the moment and we are playing "City, Country, Backstage", now. Do you want to know how it works?

Nik: That sounds good.

Chris: Do you have time?

Nik: Yeah.

Chris: So, we are working clockwise, namely you are after me, and after you it's Class' turn.

Class: Hello!

Nik: Moin!

Chris: Then Gerrit, then Pi, then me again and we'll simply do two rounds and it goes like that: I'm giving a country and a city to you and you have to tell the first anecdote, tour anecdote, that comes to your mind to that.

Nik: Oh God. Okay.

Chris: Can be another band as well, anything from your musical life. Before you started making music, you also played in other bands, after all.

Pi: Good one.

 

(63:46) 

Gared: Ouuh, shots fired.

Nik: Huh?

Chris: I just misspoke. Pi is throwing my guitar from the... from the wall. Are you up for it?

Pi: But very quietly.

Nik: Yes, definitely!

Chris: Then I'd start, namely I'm saying… China… Shenzhen.

*silence*

Nik: Er… 

*more silence*

(64:06) 

Gared: That was the first......(inaudible)

Nik: I can't remember anything…

Pi: I quite believe you!

Chris: Okay! Okay…!

Gared: Was very liquid.

Chris: Wait. Wait, we- we'll make it easier: China.

*silence*

Nik: Erm…. Tour anecdote?

Pi: Drummers…

Chris: Any memory that you have of China. God, you'll still remember SOMETHING, right?

Gared: Anything that involves beer.

Nik: That's in fact- yes, yes, I remember very much, but…

Chris: The first thing that comes to your mind.

Nik: ...at the moment not of... er… I- I had to leave my finger prints at a machine at the arrival. That is the first thing that comes to my mind.

Class: Since then you don't have finger prints anymore?

Pi: They got lasered away.

Chris: Yes, that is something.

Gared: Right. Something like that hadn't been there before.

Chris: Alright, now you have to give a country and a city to Class.

Nik: Okay. Erm…

Chris: Drummers…

Nik: Oha.

Gared: And bass players. Warning.

Nik: Italy, Prato.

Class: Oh, there is quite a bit there.

Gared: Oh yes.

*laughter*

Pi: There he laughs.

Class: Erm…

 

(65:19)

Chris: Shall we cancel the recording now and continue playing in private?

Gared: Maybe we'll just play it back in double speed, it takes too long otherwise.

Class: Well… in general one has always a few problems in Italy, primarily of technical or infrastructural origin…

Gared: Does one have that?

Class: Well, either the heating isn't on so you are cold…

Chris: Yes.

Class: …or it's too hot, for all I care, but in this case it was always around spring. But regardless of what may have been not perfect in Prato sometimes, the food, even if it was simple, was always super on point.

Pi: Oh yes.

Gared: That's right indeed. They really mastered that.

Class: It was always mega cool. Those fried, roasted potatoes, rosemary potatoes…

Gared: Best lasagne ever.

Class: And- lasagne or the wine somehow directly from the vineyard, out of the-

Chris: Especially the first time when we were there, ate in the kitchen, that was-

Class: Yes, from the neighbourhood there always comes in hecto- in gallons-

Gared: In hectolitres.

Pi: A bathtub for each one.

Class: And... erm…somehow everything comes from the neighbours' garden and the fried half chicken and those cool fried sausages, everything pure and simple, but everything super cool on point and mega good.

Chris: To that, one thing comes to my mind, that was also in Prato, I believe, we ate out at a restaurant; they said like…

Class: Yes! Yes yes yes!

Chris: "Hey, what would you like to have, do you want… a bit of mixed meat?"

Class: That was in the afternoon.

Chris: Yes, exactly. We're like "Yes, please."

Nik: Right, yes.

Chris: "Do you also want potatoes?" "Yes", "Okay, do you also want vegetables?" "Yes". Everything came, too. First a huge plate with vegetables came. We ate it up. Half an hour later a huge plate with potatoes came, we ate it up, then a huge plate with meat came.

Gared: That is their conception of a three-course menu.

Pi: And at some point we just didn't know anymore, was that it? Is there… that- is there still something to come?

Chris: That- right, we didn't know, did they misunderstand that, is there any more… everything came. Everything came one after another. We are Germans after all, we think like "Everything gets just smacked onto the plate, everyone gets their portion".

Gared: Exactly.

Pi: Exactly.

Class: That just bubbles out of me now. Actually, now I'm thinking back to the- our van, our nine-seater, where I sat at the wheel, sober, in the night at somewhen…

Gared: I am sorry for that every time.

Class: …and had to struggle with Pi and Nik…

Pi: Sorry.

Nik: Did we drink something then?

Gared: Yes.

Class: …whom I somehow had to-

Pi: I remember the video recordings.

Class: Whom I somehow had to induce to stay IN the bus; when they were IN the bus, however, not to vomit, so we were able to move towards the hotel somehow.

Chris: It has been vomited outside in between, anyway.

Pi: Yes.

Gared: Yes, yes.

Class: Yes. And that was also the first time-

Nik: There are video recordings of that trip.

Pi: „vomited in between“

Class: Also at TV of the Lost.

Pi: No, I yelled at Nik in that moment because we squabbled with one another and brawled. Then I said to him "You, I'll barf at you!", I still know that.

Class: Yes.

Pi: I still know how…

Nik: Yes.

 

(67:54)

Class: That was also the first time that I realized in our double bed of Pi and myself, well, because, that was less expensive, that was the first time that I realized how difficult it is when a human that fell over drunkenly and occupies two beds at once, how difficult it is to turn this human around, so that you are also able to sleep on this bed.

Gared: I was doing just about- just about the same, when I, in our double room, however with Nik, came out of the shower, completely hammered, and Nik… may I say that?

Class: Yes, you may.

Gared: …laid on the ground, bare ass naked, embracing the trash bin, into which he had thrown up shortly before.

Class: At least you didn't have to sweep him out of the way, but could just climb over him.

Gared: The door opened to the outside.

Class: I see. That is cruddy.

Pi: Oh, I'm crying!

Chris: Okay, from here on it is just going downhill anymore.

Pi: Yes.

Class: Aaaah.

Gared: Okay, we have to continue.

Chris: Klaas, you have to nominate Gerrit.

Class: I see. Yes.

Gared: Oh God.

Class:  Wait a minute, how was that place called where the chairs had to be moved out of the way before the hall even…

Gared: Ermmm…

Class: Otter…, no, erm,

Chris: Ottersbach… Ottweiler.

Pi: Ottweiler.

Class: Ottweiler. Germany, Ottweiler.

Nik: Ottweiler. Oh my goodness.

Gared: That isn't in Germany, that is in Saarland. (Note: Saarland is a federal state in southern Germany)

Class: Saarland. Is one allowed to… though, is one allowed to- Are we allowed to do that? Are we allowed to-

Nik: Of course.

Chris: Yes.

Gared: We ought to be allowed to … personal experiences…!

Class: But am I allowed to also…?

Chris: Well, in my opinion, about….

Pi: That is our own reality that we're talking about here.

Chris: …about the Club Schulz, one is allowed to have an opinion!

Gared: Once in a while one might put in no good word about the Club Schulz.

Class: I wanted to say, here, Saarland, Ottweiler. So.

Gared: Yes… the rottweiler of Ottweiler. Pretty much the same it smelled in the basement, like a wet dog. That was really…

Class: DEAD wet dog.

Gared: Well, basement equals backstage.

Chris: Equals catering.

Pi: Nice…

Gared: And - I didn't do that now, also you didn't see it because I didn't do it - I would like to put "backstage" and "basement"- er, "catering" in mental quotation marks, because, er,... neither was, I mean, it was more a downstage and also the catering consisted, I think, of slack toast and something like Eins A cervelat sausage or the like... (Eins A is a supermarket chain; meaning it was about the cheapest sausage they could find)

Pi: Yuck, dude, owie, owie...

Gared: And there really were mould spores in the lung as a free give-away to that, which was really- uhhh that was…

Pi: Uhhh.

Nik: I was also there, completely separate from you, with another band.

Gared: I'm sorry for that.

Nik: With us it was the same.

Gared: I see.

Pi: That was also the same cervelat sausage? Then it was the one... the one that I ate, too.

Gared: Good, then I won't take it personally.

Class: And these odd hanging lamps with these glass balls that hung from the ceiling and also didn't get turned off at all during the show and stuff like that.

Chris: Oh, yeah!

Class: There was some kind of consistent light, there was a consistent light. (Note: the word he uses here is "Standlicht", which usually describes a parking light and not the one in a building)

Chris: Didn't somebody use the light switch so we knew that we're having a light show?

Class: I don't know anymore, it was some kind of corner stage or something like that.

Gared: Well, it felt like a kind of rear stage.

Class: And the chairs, the 200 chairs that we had to move out of the way and that were standing in that corner there, then.

Gared: That also had to be done, though - because you just mentioned it, I initially thought that you meant on the European tour with Combichrist in Finland - something like that also had to be done, therefore I initially thought you meant that club.

Class: That was Tampere.

Gared: That was… was it in Tampere?

Pi: Was it Tampere?

Class: That was Tampere, where Bo and I got tattooed.

Gared: Exactly. Yes, that was Tampere, right.

Pi: *unintelligible screaming*. Yeah, that's true!

Gared: Right. The chairs also had to be moved out of the way there, too, because that was also such a... also such a...

Pi: Yes, right.

Chris: Oh, the times of glory.

Pi: Oh yes.

Gared: Okay.

Class: Ah, that was Flensburg. There we are again at Flens- well, Flensburg.

Pi: Flensburg! Roxy.

Class: Okay, I don't want to take away all your city, country, rivers. (as mentioned before, the original game can be translated to that)

Gared: Radeburg.

Class: Okay, we can- have to take that.

 

 (71:36)

Gared: Erm… Now for a little bit of fun… Russia, St. Petersburg.

Pi: Or Russia in general.

Class: Oh, there is also so much there.

Pi: Nononono.

Chris: No no, come, let's- there… city, country!

Pi: Define again!

Chris: Just because Nik is too daft to remember Shenzhen…

Gared: So, Russia. Ah no, city. Hm. Russia.

Pi: Well, I will- I will always - I think it was St. Petersburg - remember 2017 when we were there, in this…

Chris: Now it's coming again!

Pi: Now it's coming again. In this, yeah, this wonderful suite then, in this…

Gared: Suite Dude!

Pi: ...in this hotel… next to the Aurora… Abpopa (That’s how “Aurora” almost looks like in Cyrillic letters)

Class: This Samsung hotel, right?

Gared: Abpopa?

Class: It has Samsung written onto it.

Pi: Yes, it is great, this hotel and also our rooms were very beautiful and after our show-

Gared: WERE.

Pi: Were. Yes, were… Yes, very beautiful. That was real- That was really a rock 'n' roll moment, as well.

Gared: Indeed. 

Pi: What we did there.

Chris: I am not proud.

Gared: There are not- There are- There are not many of them.

Pi: Me neither! But…no! In the TV of the Lost episode to that one only sees how we are still singing Backstreet boys at 4 a.m.

Gared: And I...

Pi: And we are looking onto the water.

Gared: And I'm spraying shampoo into Chris Harms' butt crack.

Pi: Exactly. But the evening took its couse, we got our drinks brought to the room, like- like mostly orange juice and vodka.

Gared: Yes. Oh God, yes.

Chris: Brought to the room?

Pi: Well, it just stood there, I don't know!

Gared: And there was much of it.

Pi: And we drank…

Gared: All?

Pi: …all of it. 

Chris: It is still astounding that this evening left no scars and no children.

Pi: It's crazy, yes.

Gared: Well, maybe scars.

Pi: Scars- scars, I mean, Chris had an- some time in this… this night, because we were all wasted, we were all just wasted, he just leapt at me and wanted to fight! He just wanted to fight! And then we fought for a bit, jokingly of course, it wasn't bad.

Chris: I still don't understand that.

Pi: Well, until we fell off the bed, rolled over the floor, stood up, then fell onto the next bed and then it was over.

Gared: Was there- was there anyone of us lying on it?

Pi: Nooo.

Chris: Amongst others.

Pi: I mean, no…

Class: Was that where the bed had been broken or was that…?

Pi: I'd have to- I'd have to lie there, but I have no clue.

Chris: No, that was in England.

Class: That, too, but that had been like that before.

Pi: And that night, that night, it hurt so badly the next morning.

Gared: Yes, me too, but for me it was primarily my head.

 

(74:02) 

Pi: It was really like that, and also the hotel itself, the hotel room by itself already hurt, because I still remember drinks flying around.

Gared: Didn't the hotel get pulled down by now?

Pi: And a tub, slightly filled with… something. I hope that it was just a drink. I am not sure, however. And then, that was a... I'd like to say, wonderful evening.

Gared: Legendary.

Pi: Yeah.

Class: I can't exactly remember that at the moment.

Gared: Yes, no surprise.

Pi: Yes.

Chris: That is also actually the only evening that I actively can't remember, I believe.

Gared: Hm.

Pi: Well.

Class: Was that where also that one girl with her father somehow slept in the hallway and every time-   so, every time we opened the door, she already stood there in the hallway and looked.

Chris: That was the same hotel; I don't know if it was the same evening.

Gared: It was the same evening. 

Chris: But I know that in- that was in that hotel- a girl camped in the hallway. 

Gared: Yes.

Class: Yes.

Chris: Where the father still - that is so absurd - the father still waited for her there, the whole night.

Class: Yes.

Pi: Yes. That was the same evening.

Gared: That has got to be… that has got to be love.

Pi: It was the same evening.

Gared: God…

Pi: Yes.

Chris: That was also the same hotel where at the next morning-maybe that was another time - some 8 year- old ballet dancers got drilled and beaten with sticks.

Class: But properly! Like "HEY! HEEEEY! Hey! Hey! Hey!"

Pi: Oh, there! Yes, yes, exactly!

Chris:  They still practised there.

Class: Right.

Gared: And cried.

Class: And cried. That was also like that in China. The place where it was so cold in China, where was that, anyway?

Gared: Everywhere.

Class: Where you were in this bloody cold fitness centre, this hotel that was at that corner. With these brown, dark brown eggs.

Nik: Peking was cold.

Pi: That was Shanghai, though.

Chris: That was Shanghai.

Class: No no no no no. The one with these dark brown eggs for breakfast in the morning.

Pi: Ah, that… was that Hangzhou or Guangzhou?

Class: Yes, where we were up to the temple.

Chris: That was Guangzhou.

Class: Yes, where the hotel was so bad. They were also shouting around in the hallway.

Pi: Yes, right, they did this morning...atonement...speech...

Class: Dude! Such a drill…

Chris: Yes, they have some morning drill there…

Class: Yes! Oh, gosh, that was hardcore, dude! 

Gared: You're stretching the rules a bit now, don’t you?

Class: Yes, right, sorry.

Pi: I... am not, I- I'm going I- for Chris.

Chris: Okay, we have to, for a bit-

Class: Continence.

 

(75:57) 

Chris: We have to, for a bit- that… that we don't all talk all the time, yes (no translation error, the first part of the sentence actually doesn't have a verb in it)

Pi: Exactly, okay.

Gared: Sorry. Only the chosen one.

Pi: Only the chosen one. …London.

Class: Which country?

Pi: The one that isn't in the EU anymore!

Chris: Erm… I'd like to tell a story there, that is the first one that comes to my mind, it is not from Lord of the Lost, but from The Pleasures, from my glam rock band of that time, namely I was there one evening, we had a gig in the Purple Turtle and first we thought "Woah, crazy, there are around a thousand people coming this evening, but only 300 are fitting into here", but than it was the Coco or something like that, on the other side of the street, where Juliette Lewis played that evening.

Pi: Ah.

Chris: They weren't there for us. But there were still around a hundred people there.

Gared: Who?

Class: Juliette Lewis.

Chris: You don't know Juliette Lewis?

Pi: Are you serious?

Class: Natural Born Killer?

Gared: Er, I did… I didn't ask.

Class: That was it, right?

Chris: Yeah, here, From Dusk Till Dawn. Doesn't matter, though.

Class: No. Natural Born Killers.

Chris: She also features in From Dusk Till Dawn.

Pi: Really? Whatever.

Chris: Doesn't matter. Anyway, she also makes music. So.

Gared: Who asked "who?" Amateur!

Chris: And...

Pi: Who? You are party-gay.

 

(77:07) 

Chris: Just... just... we can just leave it like that as an insult. After all, we've seen now…

Gared: It's a luxury problem, too.

Pi: We are still in our cheese dome.

Chris: Yes, exactly.

Class: Please.

Chris: What I wanted to say, I was- have gotten an award that evening, because that was an award- but I had become "Axe Hero Of The Year", I don't know why, because I'm not that great of a guitar player, I'm quite good at playing rhythm there-

Class: "Axe"! I thought "ex", former.

Pi: Axe.

Chris: Axe! Axe! Axe Hero Of The Year. That was my first award that I ever got and I think my last one, too. Then it got stolen from me from the backstage the same evening.

Pi: Cool!

Gared: One is familiar with that.

Chris: Alright, Klaas, come on, we'll do something now.

Class: Nooo!

Pi: You for Nik!

Chris: Ah, no, Nik. Listen, Nik.

Pi: Hi, Nik! Well!

Gared: Hi! Are you still there?

Nik: Ouh, oh, oh.

Gared: Do you have a beer, at least?

Class: We need a Nik cardboard stand-up, so.

Chris:  Now I'll try, because we always picked some highlights, maybe we'll do something entirely ordinary. Nuremberg. Hirsch. Germany. ("Hirsch" means "stag")

Nik: Erm… they always have super good food. They always have really, really tasty food.

Class: That's true, yes.

Nik: I mean, I was there very often already, certainly a hundred million times already, but maybe just ten, and each time when I was there, they always had food- the first five times they always had the same, namely always red cabbage, dumplings, meat,-

Class: Yes! Red cabbage, I just wanted to say that! Sorry, I'm sorry.

Nik:  Yes, that was super, that was always super cool and…

Gared: And always Nuremberger rib steak sausage for breakfast.

Nik: In the last years it started to vary a bit, though, but, I mean, I have never eaten badly in the Hirsch.

Pi: Same.

Class: That's true.

Nik: And they have tasty Hirsch-beer.

Chris: That is right.

Class: But the food always gets put away fast, I just had the-

Nik: Yes, that is true.

Class: Because the doors open and you eat where the people come in, that's a bit cruddy.

Nik: Exactly, you have to eat at the front, in- at the bar there.

Gared: Yes.

Class: That is in my opinion the only thing that's cruddy there, that you have to be fast.

Chris: This for the topic of luxury problems.

Pi: Yes.

Class: Yes. Exactly!

Gared: But at least the showers are now in the backstage, as well and you don't have to ... through the masses still standing there after the show.

Class: Ah, in front of...

Pi: True!

Chris: That was in fact a luxury.

Gared: That was a highlight when the... 

Nik: The backstage.

Gared: …when the backstage got renovated, the backstage is wonderful.

Chris: You could still give an autograph with your brush there.

Gared: Well, I even did that.

Class: Yes.

Pi: Yes, yes, yes.

Gared: What?

 

(79:02)

Chris: Alright, Nik, you're nominating Klaas. We're still playing until it's my turn and then the- our LordCast is over.

Class: Yes.

Nik: Okay. For Klaas I've got… erm… what have I got for Klaas? Mexico City!

Gared: Which country?

Class: Oh yes! Yes, right, Mexico City was the first place where I had to leave the stage to vomit, no, to shit-

Chris: …and to vomit.

Class: And then I actually- firstly because I was so nauseous, I took the opportunity, thought "If I already have to shit and I feel so sick, I should also vomit right away".

Pi: We have to say-

Nik: Wasn't that Guadalajara?

Gared: Right.

Class: Ah, yeah, right.

Chris: That was Guadalajara.

Class: That was Guadalajara.

Nik: Great.

Gared: You are always shitty on stage anyway!

Class: Right! Right, right, right, there we were…

Pi: We have to say, Klaas and I got a food poisoning last year.

Class: Yes, exactly. But when you say Mexico, that food poisoning is in the same breath.

Pi: I don't know.

Nik: Yeah.

Class: Yey… So, anyway, Pi and I did everything to try everything from everywhere. Primarily also from all streets, motorway exits…

Gared: I believe I'm seeing a problem at this point.

Class: Noo, wait a second. Mexico… okay, Mexico City, let me just… if I'm mixing that with Guadalajara now, eeerrrrmmm… I don't know, Mexico City… Mexico City was the second gig, right?

Pi: Yes.

Class: Guadalajara….

Pi: Or the first festival.

Chris: Or the first time, since we were there two times.

Class: I see. Yes. The first time is always rooted a bit deeper in the brain, so the first time was the...

Chris: Orus Festival.

Class: Yes, yes, exactly. So, one could talk for hours about that now, because Mexico also, Mexico City was so special for us, but when one thinks about it, that one- I don't even know if we played at 4 a.m. local time, no, that was kinda-

Chris: Yes.

Gared: Yes, local time.

Pi: Yes, that was really late already.

Class: Yes, that was 3:30 a.m. local time at such a festival, where everything dragged on or got delayed as well. I think, if you apply that to Germany now, it would have been like 11:30 or the like when we started to play.

Nik: Exactly.

Chris: In the morning.

Gared: Forenoon, rather.

Class: Morning, forenoon. And between the acts, if I may say so…

 

(81:34)

Pi: Subtle critique, wow!

Class: …there always was some guy on stilts with a robotic suit and flame throwers in the left and right hand, who just sprayed fire all over the place and who, because of his mask, didn't even-

Nik: And laser pointers! He actually had laser pointers!

Class: And laser pointers, he probably didn't see one single person on the stage, because he was just blind because of his suit.

Gared: Yeah, that was…

Class: But everybody always had to get past him, setting something up without going up in flames.

Gared: That was extremely dangerous, ey.

Class: And even going on stage at 3:30 a.m. local time at, like, 1000 metres…what's it called, hight…

Chris: 2... 2000.

Class: 2000 metres.

Nik: Metres in altitude.

Class: Metres in altitude.

Chris: 2500 even.

Class: When you have to go on stage in the night at half past three at 2000 metres in altitude and it is just 6 hours later in Germany-

Pi: We were there for a weekend, right?

Gared: We were there for 48 hours.

Class: 48 hours.

Gared: And slept, I believe, 7 hours in total.

Class: And when you stand on the stage then, can't breathe anyway because you are that high up.

Chris: Less.

Class: You're playing there at night, were active for the whole day and also have got such a hardcore time shift and then you have to give everything and you have…

Chris: Mega cool, that was so crazy.

Pi: Yes.

Class: …just over the- just survived the change because the guy didn't let you go up in flames.

Pi: Right.

Class: And you had to- this old geezer that stood front right to the stage and just still pressed… pressed the flame thrower button throughout the show, even though he didn't- even though we didn't talk to the guy beforehand and also didn't exactly know that there is even pyro happening on stage now.

Chris: The guy didn't stand next to the stage, he stood by the mixer console, at the FOH. At first it was cool.

Class: In any case that was so crazy, so cool and we've survived it and-

Gared: I'd like to say it in the words of a good friend: It was a hell-ride. (There is no accurate translation for "Höllenritt")

Pi: Yes.

Class: It was such a...

Chris: But it was a cool hell-ride.

Class: It was super cool. Super cool.

Gared: Absolutely. It was just a mega cool borderline experience.

Chris: So, last… last three stories! *in a heavy German accent*

Pi: Come on!

Class: Ah, I need some place now, right?

Pi: Make it short and quick…

Chris: Erm, erm, erm. Errrmmmm.

Gared: Quick and dirty.

Class: Erm Ermm….

Gared: Anything. The first thing that comes to your mind. Hit me.

Class: Yes, I just wanted to say… Flensburg, some Pub.

Gared: I was not yet with you at that time.

Class: You were not yet with us at that time?

Gared: That was relatively shortly before my time.

Pi: What luck! What luck you were not yet there!

Gared: But I...

Chris: Okay, so Gerrit has to skip. Let's continue.

Class: No, no, sorry, I thought Gerrit had been there at that time. That was…

Gared: No, that was very shortly before my time.

Class: Completely terrible gig.

Pi: Here, no!

Gared: If you say Shortens next, I wasn't there yet, either.

Class: There we- There we stole drinks from the storeroom because we refused to pay half price of the band-

Gared: What? You will never play there again!

Class: What a pity.

Pi: Give him another town, I am hungry!

Chris: Let's continue.

Class: Erm… ah wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait…

Gared: Yes, I'm DOING that!

Class: Erm…

Chris: If you wonder why we are in such a hurry, we want to eat.

Pi: Yes.

Class: United States of America, Las Vegas.

Gared: Oh.

Class: I think- Did we talk about that topic the last time as well? No.

Chris: No. What is the first thing that comes to your mind?

Gared: This incredibly cool show that we played there.

Chris: Yes, we can just leave it like that.

Gared: It… yeah, it was really- it was mega great, it was advertised bloody great, on the same day, with an A4... let's call it a „poster“.

Class: Half an hour before the concert, you have to say.

Gared: In the... Exactly. Exactly, half an hour before the concert itself.

Chris: I think it was US letter format because they don't have A4.

Gared: I meant that, of course, sorry, erm… and...

 

(84:46) 

Nik: Was that where you arrived, knocked at the club and the guy came out and said „Who are you, exactly? - Ah, that is today?”

Class: Yes, exactly.

Gared: Ah yes, exactly, roughly. But the evening ended completely…

Chris: But he didn't speak German.

Gared: …completely great with us - in the Venetian or in any one of the casinos - …

Chris: Venetian.

Gared: …buying 5 beers for 50 dollars…

Gared: …guzzling them down out of frustration and then not getting picked up by our promoter, only after a very big insurgence on the phone, that she may please pick us up, like she actually had promised.

Chris: Or she could also have paid us a 200$ taxi ride instead.

Gared: She had just laid down and didn't feel like it.

Class: And, yeah, if I may mention that, because this here is not my turn, we had a- in makeup and full get-up we shared a pizza on top of a garbage bin.

Gared: Right.

Pi: Killer.

Chris: Right.

Class: In front of the club!

Gared: Didn't also two of us play, like, a round of Blackjack or stuff? Someone of us played something.

Class: No, we played rou- Didn't we also… roulette, briefly?

Gared: Something along those lines.

Pi: Yes, yes yes. We did.

Class: I don't know anymore if it was after that…

Gared: Just to have done it some time.

Class: …after that or before that. Anyway, we invested little money and we got everything back and then we quit, because we were just…

Pi: Good!

Gared: And who… 50...

Class: …shitty, reasonable German guys.

Gared: …like, who buy a handful beers for 50 dollars and then… Well. Bye. Off with it.

Pi: Oh, bad.

Gared: Alright. That was nice. Erm…

Pi: Gerrit for Pi, Gerrit for Pi.

Gared: May I also name an explicit year?

Pi: Yeah, go for it.

Gared: 2016. Potsdam.

Pi: Wham. Wooohiiiieee! That was the concert, from this concert on I was in this band, like, really.

Gared: Right!

Pi: With an announcement, right, like "Do you want to be with us?", I'm like, in-ear out, "Huh? What did you say?"

Class: Oh, really?

 

(86:28) 

Gared: Right, while …… (inaudible)

Pi: "Do you want to be with us?" I'm like "Yes". And then we had to go on stage. Yep.

Chris: Aaah, okay.

Pi: That was really, really good.

Gared: You with an adrenaline kick and we with "Shit."

Chris: Maybe as a brief explanation, it was, erm, Eisheilige Nacht ("ice-saints night") 2016 and Pi was there virtually as a test balloon to see if it works, we already knew that Bo…

Pi: I am not a balloon. I've lost weight.

Chris: …we already knew that Bo would stay away and needed a replacement; that was- Pi was officially just a stand-in for the tour.

Pi: Yeah.

Chris: And then we… unanimously…

Gared: Face- faceless stand-in.

Chris: realized, decided, okay, it works and then I asked you if you want to stay, the seconds before the intro started…

Pi: Yep. That was cool.

Gared: Nice.

Pi: And then…

Gared: …the rest is history.

Pi: The rest is history. And now we're here.

Class: Tell the story now.

Pi: Making a Pod- why, I already did that.

Class: Actually it was quite a cool story.

Pi: That is sufficient, what else should I tell there?

Class: Well, I thought we had backstage stories here, sorry. Sorry, SORRY!

Pi: That was backstage, we were behind the curtain.

Class: Sorry! Sorry! Sorry.

Gared: It is also just a metaphor for...

Chris: Last story for me and then we'll end the podcast here.

Pi: Erm.

*Silence*

Gared: No… No, we didn't spontaneously end the recording!

Pi: Do you hear the background noise? Erm… now something- also something unspectacular, Bristol.

Gared: Breasts. („Brüste“, the German word for them, sounds similar to „Bristol“)

Chris: Nice.

Gared: Breasts.

Class: Breasts?

Chris: We have been there once.

Pi: Bristol.

Chris: Oh God! We have been there one time, right?

Gared: Two times.

Pi: We were there two times!

Chris: Is that the place further in the south…

Class: Ding Dong!

Chris: …before going to the ferry again?

Gared: Exactly! The one with the sticky floor.

Chris: That's exactly what I wanted to say!

Gared: Oh, sorry.

Chris: Yes, no problem. The first thing that comes to my mind is…

Class: Ah, oh yes!

Chris: …the floor was so sticky that I managed, if I lifted my foot very carefully, I don't tie my Vans Trademark Sk8-Hi shoes, but I just slip into them, managed to slip out of the shoe and it stayed on the floor.

Gared: So, with shoes through the club and back- erm, barefoot into the backstage.

Pi: Cool.

Chris: About that.

Gared: Nice.

Chris: And with this we are closing the LordCast number 4...

Gared: Yes.

Chris: …and are eating sushi now.

Gared: Sushi.

Pi: Cool.

Class: Yo!

Pi: Nik, what are you doing now?

Gared: Sushi!

Nik: I'm gonna lie down on the sofa again, no?

Class: Would be cool.

Gared: How …did you end that for this now, the...? I mean, did you…

Nik: I suspended that.

Gared: What?

Nik: The lying on the sofa.

Chris: Nik, you are saying bye, you have the last word.

Nik: … Bye!

 

 

Translation: Margit Güttersberger, Jari Winter

Proofreading: Margit Güttersberger, Jari Winter, Elisabeth Czermack